Help! Feeling awful, put 3 year old girl back in nappies after holding onto wee

[yellowm]

My daughter was 3 in April and my husband and I tried toilet training for the 3rd time on Sat. Now it's Thursday and we have put her back in nappies. She with held her wee pretty much from the get go and has been miserable/in pain as a result. She would leak wee through the day but not fully empty her bladder until night time with the nappy. She would cry to go to bed at 3pm so she could use the nappy! Side note she also held her poo in!
We have tried all suggestions over the last few months - toilet/potty/rewards/bubbles/no pressure/watching her big bro. She doesn't seem to be able to release. This was the problem last time.
I am massively feeling the pressure and mum guilt to toilet train her but I don't know what else I could have done. I feel so embarrassed that she is one of the last children to toilet train and I can't help blame myself for not doing it earlier despite her not being ready.
We saw a bladder bowel nurse from health visiting team who suggested she is constipated/needs more water to encourage the feeling of a full bladder. We are trying this for now.
Any reassurance that we will get there needed as she starts pre school in Sept and I'm worried we are prolonging the inevitable. Thanks all!

Will she sit on the toilet/potty? If she will, get her to blow bubbles, or blow into a straw in a cup of water whilst sitting on the loo. This can help relax the pelvic muscles and hopefully she might “let go” and do a full wee or a poo - when she gets lots of praise/encouragement for doing this she will hopefully start to get the idea.

Take her to the potty frequently throughout the day, and especially around 20/30 minutes after eating a meal as she is most likely to need a poo at this time.

Also feet up on a step or small stool to encourage bowel movements.

There’s some great info here: https://eric.org.uk/potty-training/

Don’t be embarrassed, some children just take longer than others.

Have you tried potty training books. no more nappies works a treat.
once it clicks that she can go on the potty/toilet it will get easier.

Have a potty in the living room encourage her to sit on it whilst watching something and when she relaxes she might go.

Thank you for your reply! Yes we tried the blowing bubbles but she has muscles of steel! I got her a step with handles so she feels secure so hopefully when she is ready she will use that. I called Eric and they were great, also said some children take longer and suggested going back to basics and sitting on the toilet with a nappy on. Argh, she is a tricky customer my daughter

My DS didn't potty train until over 3.5. We tried before then a couple of times but he found it very distressing and wasn't ready. When we did train him over Easter, he was dry after the first day (during the night as well as the day). Sometimes you've just got to take a step back and trust they'll do it in their own time. I will admit we also used bribery too. My DS loves Lego so I got a cheap mixed box and wrapped up lots of the pieces and he got one every time he went to the potty for the first few days.

We had the exact same issues, ultimately I think my hovering and attempts to get it right just turned her completely off the potty.

We didn't have to go back to nappies but ended up in a slightly different bind in that I put a nappy on the potty and the security of it meant she released straight away - she doesn't wear it, just wees onto it.

At the nursery, she wees freely on the potty but won't sit on the toilet.

At home she will insist on a nappy on the potty - its not ideal but I am not forcing her to transition to the toilet just yet.

She will happily hold for a good few hours if we are out but will tell us she needs to go and then go on a potty (with a nappy in it) so we don't have any accidents.

slight bonus is that her ability to hold means she night trained at exactly the same time and hasn't wet the bed since 3.

Just back off all toilet talk, including talking about toilets when shes a big girl/at school etc etc and revisit in a few months. its fine, you're doing fine.

My daughter was like this and it was horrendous. She would hold her bladder for 8+ hours and would only wee when I caved and gave her a nappy. She’d withhold poo and go in her sleep. I was afraid she’d stretch her bladder or get a UTI. The iron will of this girl was something else.

My advice? Give up for a bit. Ignore judgey people.

I tried everything and my kid was impervious to all the books too 🤣 We got there in the end (at nearly 4) but it was still a huge psychological battle. Hopefully you’ll have an easier time than I did.

Ah yes sorry I missed that you said you’d tried bubbles! Sometimes blowing into a straw is more “forceful” so worth a try with that.

Honestly though, please try not to worry too much, I talk to parents about potty training all the time as part of my job but didn’t manage to potty train my own child until he was almost 4! He just didn’t get it so I stopped trying for a while and then once we tried again he was dry completely within three days and at night after a week or so.

It can be such a stressful time, you have my full sympathy!

My daughter is nearly 3.5 and we have just done potty training. I wouldn’t feel bad if you have to leave it again for a while for your DD.

We first tried at 2.5 and she was nowhere near ready. It put us off trying again for quite a while. I have been vaguely aware that other children at nursery are already potty trained but I haven’t felt any negativity towards us for DD still being in nappies. Then again, I tend not to care to much about what other people think about this kind of thing! I hope things work out for you soon.