3 year old just wees and poos in pants

[parentingtwo]

We potty trained our little boy at the beginning of December when he was 2 years 9 months and he took to it brilliantly. He was very aware and ready for it. Wees and poos he would do in the potty and then we moved on to the loo which was fine. Obviously at first we had to get him to use the loo regularly to try and then eventually he got so he was saying when he needed to go. We have been in pants since we started which is great with nappies only at night. For the past few months he has completely regressed and is doing all his wees and poos in his pants. I should say he is also incredibly stubborn. Nothing has changed in home life or nursery. We have started to get him to go and try regularly again which is a battle in itself. He knows when he needs to go as you can see he goes off and tries to hide and looks at you. I have tried reward charts / treats / special things / books / fun pants he has chosen but nothing seems to work with him. Not just for potty training but in general. He is so stubborn so unless he wants to do something it's a challenge. I am obviously not going back to nappies as I don't see any benefit to that. Any ideas greatly appreciated. When will it get better?

Could he be doing it for attention if he has a younger sister?

@caringcarer sadly because of his age he would just take the nappies off. I don't think he has any interest in wearing them. Obviously at night he is still in them as we haven't even attempted night training yet as obviously he needs to master day. It probably is behavioural and attention seeking. But nothing we seem to be doing is helping this. He doesn't get upset when he wees or poos. He doesn't really seem to care. If I notice he has started a wee in his pants and I try and encourage him to go to the loo it almost always is a meltdown trying to get him there (like I said in previous posts very stubborn).

If you have the funds take him to see a private paediatrician to rule out any issues. My son had exactly the same behaviour and was pooing, but when his stomach was X-rayed he had horrendous constipation and it meant he couldn't feel when he wanted a wee or poo because he always felt that way.
Once we got him on movicol he was dry in the day and at night soon after.
Going in his pants had become a bit of a habit though and he too is very stubborn so we had to use immediate rewards like chocolate buttons, then a little car for a full dry day, he couldn't care less about stickers or reward charts.
I also stopped reacting at all when he had an accident. I just kept a pile of pants, trousers and wipes in the bathroom and said 'ok, go clean yourself up and I'll be in to help you' it took the attention away and made him have to waste valuable playing time getting him self sorted which he hated. I obviously went in after a little while and made sure he was clean and dry but didn't fuss around.

Thank you @maryberryslayers

Spoke to the GP again who said it's normal
Particularly for boys at 3.5 🤦🏼‍♀️. He said to give it another 6 months of plodding on and hope to see improvement. Like you he said not to react to the accidents and just change them and move on. I have bought some chocolate buttons and toy cars this morning so we will give that a go. Wish me luck!

OP we had a similar situation. He did well at nursery but not at home. The more you prompted him, the more cross he’d get. The thing that changed it was a family holiday where we just put him in nappies (hot climate, no washing facilities) but we were all sharing a room and bathroom. Maybe seeing us using the loo was the thing, but one day he just asked to go for a poo and ever since has had zero poo accidents and just a handful of wee ones. DS is very strong willed and I think when we stopped pushing him, he came to it in his own.

I first messaged about this on here 6 months ago but we are still having the same issues. Pretty much every wee or poo is in his pants. If we notice we obviously het him to go to the loo to finish it but even that is a battle. I am sure it is behavioural as he does know when he needs to go. He goes quiet and often hides with a poo. We honestly have tried EVERYTHING. I just don't feel like we are getting anywhere. It's been over 10 months of trying and if anything just gets worse. Any tips hugely welcomed!

Have you tried really telling him off? It sounds like you've done all the gentle bit, which is normally the right approach, but maybe he just doesn't realise how much of a problem it is. If he's deliberately soiling himself it should be treated as any other deliberate but unacceptable behaviour would be.

Does he do it in company/when he's being looked after by someone else?

How is the little one getting on?