How did your childminder work with you to potty train?

[TheBirdintheCave]

TLDR: We have spent ten days potty training our 2.5 year old before taking him back to childcare. However,* *I feel like his childminder is setting unrealistic demands of my toddler by expecting perfection (totally dry, asking to go to the toilet every time, can pull pants and trousers up and down unaided) from day one. Should I return him to nappies despite the success we've been having at home? I have no issues with childminder otherwise, it's just this one topic that seems to be a sticking point. I feel like she wants us to give up and wait until he's much older so that it's more convenient for her in terms of ferrying children about but... that's not fair on my toddler, right? I feel like he only needs a few more weeks to really crack it.

Are these expectations normal or unusual? How did your childminder handle potty training?

Full story: We started potty training my son (nearly 2.5) on Good Friday. He started off strong with two whole (lower half naked) days of taking himself to the potty and no accidents then we had a miserable five days of dribbles and accidents as we tried to introduce pants and trousers. Day nine (Sunday) we finally had another dry day and then day ten we sent him back to his childminder and he had a dry day there too.

During the week I'd been keeping childminder appraised of my son's progress on Whatsapp and she sounded encouraging and pleased with him. In person though, it seems to be the opposite. My husband dropped him off this morning and she was huffing about not having time to change our son if he wets himself when they're out. She's told me she has a travel potty so no idea why he would wet himself if he has a place to wee though?? And, despite his dry day yesterday, her only comment to my husband at pick up time was 'He didn't ask to use the potty, I had to take him to it.'

So... ok... I understand that might be frustrating but my child is not a frequent wee-er. He wees about five times a day and can hold it for hours. If he really needs to go he does ask, you just need to give him the chance. He asks to use the travel potty when we're out and last night he took himself to the potty. We have told her all of this information.

I feel like she's being over cautious with him and causing herself stress. I mean, he's two, so yes sometimes he is going to get distracted and need reminding to go to the potty but largely he's been good at going himself at home (he still needs help with his pants and trousers which I don't think is unreasonable at this age).

I'm left deflated and don't know whether I should just return my child to nappies just to keep the peace. I feel like she wants us to give up and wait until he's much older so that it's more convenient for her in terms of ferrying children about but... that's not fair on my toddler, right? I feel like he only needs a few more weeks to really crack it.

Are these expectations normal or unusual? How did your childminder handle potty training?

How is it going?

Both of mine are/ were at a cm and she just expected them to have been out of nappies for 4 whole days and be able to pull their trousers up and down (though she did help if they struggled). She does offer the potty/toilet on a regular basis anyway when they are going out etc and reminds them when needed though I've found they very quickly learn to ask

Does she think he's not ready? Is he having a lot of accidents even when he's reminded to go? If not could it just be that she's a bit stressed at the moment my cm is an absolute diamond but she has her stressy weeks 😂 (never to the kids btw).

While I was childminding, children had to be trained at home for 10 days first and with pants/trousers on and be making progress.I would not accept them here to only be able to potty train with no clothes on their lower body due to safeguarding etc. Yes the child had to ask verbally no silly noises etc and be able to push pants down etc . I was a busy setting and we were always out and about . But saying that I still reconsider they would have the odd accident. My policy stated any more than 3 accidents a day then hey would be put in a nappy as I just did not have the time to be constantly cleaning up the area, doing full change etc I was happy to work with the family but I was not doing the training from the start for them

Sounds like he's doing really well, do not put him back in nappies! It can take a while before children are confident to ask to use potty/toilet out of own home.
As a childminder I just ask that families start the process at home, this might just be over a weekend as not all family circumstances allow taking a week/10 days off to TT (e.g my own brother only has 3 weeks hols a yr as does his DP, no way they could take half of that off) . As long as they are able to pull trousers up/down & indicate somehow that they need to go (might not be asking, perfectly possible to TT non verbal children with a bit more effort) it should be fine for CM to work with you.
You & your son have done brilliantly getting him this far.

When i was a Childminder my policy was the same as whereisthesun.

Potty training is probably one of the most miscommunicated and topics of frustration between parents and childminders.

A Childminder setting, whilst home from home, is different to a nursery because of lone working. In a nursery other staff can chip in. Childminders have to think of the health and safety of all children, as well as logistics being practical. Taking a travel potty out and about is important but it needs to be an extreme back up plan and not a default. If a Childminder has multiple young walkers, they will need to be able to help one child on the potty and then possibly wrangle a child who will suddenly bolt. A wrist strap might suffice but you also have to give toileting children privacy from other children. It's not the same as with your own children. The same goes for accidents at home. Whilst you expect the occasional accident, it should be the exception and not the rule.

Independence is a huge part of potty training. If a child is ready they can be trained in a few days, otherwise it will take longer. It sounds like you've had huge success, combined with a mixture of more recently difficult days. I'd want at least 4 consistent days of success at home before accepting a child.

Ooh just noticed of these replies. Thanks guys ☺️ Seems like it is a fairly normal request then! I guess it's one of the downsides of choosing a childminder over a nursery.

Anyway, turns out I had nothing to worry about and was right in my confidence in my son's readiness to train. He did the entire week at the childminders dry in the end 😂 She was even happy to take him out to soft play etc so seems she has confidence in his abilities too. He still needs help with pulling down his trousers but is getting better at it.

Just as we left her house on Friday he did have a poo accident (typical! 😂) but has been fine again this weekend.

I think my biggest fear was what someone said upthread about not being able to take more time off for extended periods to potty train. Easter was our longest time off so we chose then, otherwise we would have been waiting until Christmas for our next ten day stretch.

We're going on holiday to Sicily in seven weeks so he has some time left to really crack it before we get on a plane for three hours 😅