Help, I'm losing the will with potty training

mama2girls0 · 2023-04-08T09:30:12+00:00

We decided to use the Easter weekend to attend for a third time to potty train my nearly 3 year old but she just doesn't seem to be getting it despite lots of conversations, praise, books and big girl chat. She will quite happily do a tiny wee in the potty for a chocolate button and sticker but isn't grasping she needs to go to the potty when she needs a wee or poo and it's one accident after another despite only wearing knickers. Where are we going wrong?! She's quite smart for her age but I'm worried she's never going to get it. Thanks

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Cheesedoffandgrumpy · 08/04/2023 11:24

Take a break! There is no need to do it now, reduce the stress, go back to nappies but keep the potty around and refer to it often.
If you make too big a deal of it, it become something that she can control to get attention, or to exert her will. If you have the potty in the bacthroom, take her with you everytime you go, and continue with the talking, explaining and encouraging. Having her in pants and loads of accidents everyday is fun for anyone. She can just as easily run around in pull up pants and use the potty if she likes and if not, no accidents.

Good luck!

Puffthemagiclizard · 08/04/2023 11:52

Wait a few months, she's not ready. Having attempted 3 times to potty train a two year old sounds a lot.
Revisit it at Whitsun maybe.

YellowGreenBlue · 08/04/2023 11:54

How long have you been trying? As you mention the Easter weekend it sounds like not very long? Personally I think you need to power on through this stage. One of mine had loads of accidents for the first 10 days, then it suddenly clicked.

ibis17 · 08/04/2023 12:01

I can’t give advice, just solidarity as we are having similar issues with ours who has just turned 3. She’s very bright in other ways and I think does sort of understand the concept but is finding it really hard in practice. We’re just revisiting every so often and hoping sooner or later something clicks!

Whatawonderfuldayitis · 08/04/2023 12:10

Are you expecting that she will be able to take herself to/ tell you that she needs the potty ?
As I'd honestly just train her on a time interval basis. So every half hour try on the potty, and extend the intervals . Lots of praise if she does a wee.

We focused on 'staying clean and dry'. So are you clean and dry? Well done, that's great! You're staying clean and dry BY using the potty. We basically did what this woman said, but without the doll http://www.somuchhope.com/parenting/potty-training

WandaWonder · 08/04/2023 12:13

You are trying, just leave it

Tillytilly5 · 09/04/2023 14:50

Look at the "Oh Crap" method. We've been following it for the last few days with 2.5yr old and it's been going really well. The whole message is that they don't really know when to go and it all needs to be learned, so you spend the first day or two with them with no bottoms on at all and you watch for every sign that they need to go and prompt them.

I'd really recommend getting the book. It's Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right by Jamie Glowacki

Good luck!

YukoandHiro · 09/04/2023 15:58

I've been doing the same with my 2.5 year old. Personally hate the oh crap method- works for some but upsets others and it made things worse for mine.
My eldest was a nightmare to train and took 9 months and during Covid lockdowns too. Absolute worst time.

Skybluepinky · 09/04/2023 16:23

Take a break, pressure never helps.

Use the toilet no need for a potty at that age, unless they are the size of a 1 year old.
Try again next bank holiday.

mynameiscalypso · 09/04/2023 16:35

We tried DS at nearly 3 and it did not go well at all. Zero progress and he just was traumatised about sitting on the potty. We've tried again a few months later and - tentatively- he seems to have grasped it within a few days. Some children just need a bit more time. I was quite embarrassed because he's the oldest child at nursery not to be potty trained (although they've been lovely about it, I only know from looking at the daily log and seeing everyone else has used to potty or toilet) but I should have trusted him more. It's been so much less stressful this time round than our failed previous attempts.

thegrain · 09/04/2023 16:37

Oh crap is brutal

jannier · 09/04/2023 16:39

thegrain · 09/04/2023 16:37

Oh crap is brutal

Totally agree oh crap is definitely a load of crap.

sequin2000 · 09/04/2023 16:39

Potty timing not training. I tried and failed with my daughter then a few months later it clicked and she trained without accidents.

jannier · 09/04/2023 16:41

What signs of readiness has she shown....it's not just physical but emotional? Many children are 36 months or more. Have you looked at the ERIC website?

2chocolateoranges · 09/04/2023 16:41

This was posted Saturday morning , you said you were using Easter weekend to try potty train, so how long have you tried for?

I would persevere for at least 3 days. The first day with both mine was useless but as the days went on it improved and within a few days they were having no accidents and mine were a lot younger.

confusedlots · 09/04/2023 17:07

Give it a break and try again in a month or so. She's still young, both of mine were a couple of months after their 3rd birthday before they got it. One got it really quickly on the first attempt, the other one didn't get it until the 3rd try, and I left a few weeks after each unsuccessful attempt before trying again.

Original poster

mama2girls0 · 09/04/2023 21:28

Thanks everyone, good advice. 3 full days in now and I still don't really feel like we're getting very far so perhaps we park it for a month or two. We've definitely had less accidents today but largely because we've spent a lot of the day sitting on the potty reading books or watching nursery rhymes etc with breaks in between when we know she's done something. She's still not taking herself to the potty when she feels she needs it though (I'm not sure she's even recognising the feeling of needing it) and just tells us when it's trickling down her leg (or occasionally I can get her to go and do a little one with the mention of a chocolate button and sticker). The problem is I'm not sure she knows the feeling of needing the toilet. I just really hoped this would be it and we could get her out of nappies as she seems so old for them but maybe something hasn't clicked for her yet and she's still not ready.

OP posts:

jannier · 09/04/2023 21:33

mama2girls0 · 09/04/2023 21:28

Thanks everyone, good advice. 3 full days in now and I still don't really feel like we're getting very far so perhaps we park it for a month or two. We've definitely had less accidents today but largely because we've spent a lot of the day sitting on the potty reading books or watching nursery rhymes etc with breaks in between when we know she's done something. She's still not taking herself to the potty when she feels she needs it though (I'm not sure she's even recognising the feeling of needing it) and just tells us when it's trickling down her leg (or occasionally I can get her to go and do a little one with the mention of a chocolate button and sticker). The problem is I'm not sure she knows the feeling of needing the toilet. I just really hoped this would be it and we could get her out of nappies as she seems so old for them but maybe something hasn't clicked for her yet and she's still not ready.

There are many 3 year olds that are still in nappies and a fair amount of 40 month olds. Give her nappy free time before a bath to learn the feeling and test if she can hold a wee for well over an hour using tissue in her nappy forcing sitting will just put her off. A few weeks can make a massive difference

Geranium1984 · 05/06/2023 19:38

@mmama2girls0 how did your potty training end up going? We are ar the end of day 2 with DS (2y 10mo) and no wee or poo in the potty. I don't think he knows when he needs to go and is getting annoyed/dislikes the potty.
We would leave it but he starts pre school at his pre prep in September and must be able to use the little toilets, they do not change nappies so the pressure is on and we want him to be really confident by September.