4 year old having constant accidents

[sunisbetterthanrain]

Looking for help/ advice and reassurance my child is not the only one!
I toilet trained my daughter around 17 months ago at aged 2 and 8 months. It wasn't the easiest process especially as first with lots of poo accidents but eventually she got it and I would say within 6-8 weeks we were there. Following that she has always been prone to wee accidents, some big and some small, we would rarely go a week without at least one or two but she showed progressive improvement over the next 12 months and absolutely never had a poo accident, until recently.
About 4-6 weeks ago she started having poo accidents again and actually I'm reluctant to even use the word "accident" because she was basically doing a full poo in her knickers. This has gotten worse and worse and I would say now that the majority of number 2's are happening in her knickers rather than the loo, it's like she has forgotten how to use the toilet.

We've visited to the doctors as we wondered if something was seriously wrong but they can't seem to find any issues. They suggested it might be constipation so we tried laxatives but that ended in total disaster and made things worse.
She doesn't communicate or tell us why this is happening. I'm not sure if she is aware they are coming or not, it's becoming so frustrating and upsetting and I really don't know what to do next. I've just had to put her back in a nappy to go on a long car journey because I can't face another poo in her knickers in public - I must have thrown away 50 pairs of knickers lately!
Has this happened to anyone else? If anyone has any advice or suggestions I would be very grateful! She's about to turn 4 and will start school in September which I know is ages off but I just can't see an end to it and we've tried absolutely everything we can think of - reward charts and gentle approaches as well as occasionally losing my temper which I'm not proud of but it's so hard!

Hi, I came on here looking for advice myself about the same things.

DS fully trained by 3ish. Will be 4 this year, in the past 6 weeks has just reverted back to going to toilet in his pants. I'm at a loss as not sure where to start? I've contacted the doctors as asked if they can take a water sample to make sure there isn't an infection and mentioned bowel movements too.

He has moved nurseries so that is a big change so wondering if it's just that? My other thoughts were that he had a cows milk allergy as a baby and apparently this can have an effect on the digestive system, not sure if that's something that applies to you, but worth a check.

It's so frustrating and I totally understand, but trust me you are absolutely not the only one going through this. If I'm honest I'm pretty sure alot of people have this issue with little ones but don't discuss it.

I hope thing improve for you soon (and for me!! I can't afford another pack of 30 boxers!! )

Also if you don't mind me asking, what tests did the GP do to rule everything out?

@yaboreme it's so good to hear that I'm not alone! We've not made any progress since my post unfortunately and she's actually been having more wee accidents now too.
The GP did urine and stool samples plus just general health checks - weight, oxygen levels, heart etc. I suppose to just make sure nothing very obvious was going on but they haven't done allergy or blood tests. We have wondered if it's dietary related but I do think it's just behavioural. I spoke with a health visitor and they've suggested trying Eric.org.uk for advice - I haven't had a chance to look at it yet so can't say if it's any help!

I hope things get better for you too - it's so difficult when you just have no idea what's causing it

I think you're probably right that others have more accidents than people like to let on. I've also been reassured that lots of children start school regularly having accidents so mine probably won't be the only one - although I'm still hopeful that we can sort before then!

Definitely have a look at Eric they have some excellent resources and a parent helpline with specialist support. In my experience GPs have minimal of any experience of toilet training concerns.

@sunisbetterthanrain I'm sorry you aren't seeing any improvements yet. I'm sure you will but when your daughter is ready.

DS did a urine sample today, showing no concerns. GP did some general tests along with a stomach examination. Also did a diabetes test via finger prick (not pleasant) nothing, but reassuring.

My son can be constipated which I also mentioned, the GP has suggested laxatives as the bowel can press on the bladder causing dribbles so to speak. Will give that a go see what happens.

However, I made a toilet chart on the promise of 7 days dry he can chose a super suit dress up costume (one in particular he has had his eye on, so I've purchased from Marketplace) and today has had a fully dry day!!

All we can do is persevere and hope for the best, I know how frustrating it can be, more so because we know they can do it. I think DS is just being lazy because he is too lazy/ doesn't want to leave toys for fear someone will take them a preschool.

I saw a few parents of older children in preschool (4ish) being handing the dreaded carrier bag of wet clothes so we aren't alone. I think I worry too much about what other people think at times but then have to remind myself he's only been on this plant 3 years, in that time he's learnt to walk, talk, count etc he isn't doing bad and he will get it, the same for your daughter.

💐

Sounds like encopresis. My 7 year old has it.

eric.org.uk/childrens-bowels/soiling/

@yaboreme good luck with the laxatives, they will definitely help and hopefully he'll go 7 days dry for you! Sounds like you're doing everything you can and that's all we can do isn't it :)
Sending hopefully wishes for dry pants! And no more trips to the shops for new ones!

@WhisperingAutistic
I've just had a look and this looks like exactly what it is!
Sorry to hear you've been going through it too - how long has your 7 year old had this? Sounds very treatable, perhaps I need to give the laxatives another go and just suffer the short term pain for long term gain!

He started with it after a bout of covid in 2019. He's been struggling ever since. He's on movicol daily and just jumps from constipation to diarrhoea. He says he doesn't feel the sensation to go at all.
He's under the continence team, we were referred by the GP.

2020 sorry, not 2019

@WhisperingAutistic oh gosh so quite a while then, have you been advised that it will eventually clear up for him? Must be very difficult for you both!

The nurse sees him once every 3 months and tweaks his dosage.
They do what's called a 'clear out' every so often, usually in the school holidays as it can be messy.
She said he needs to be told to sit on the toilet after breakfast and after his tea to try and train the bowel to know what to do again.

Apparently, the constipation stretches the bowel so much that it can temporarily damage the nerves so they cannot feel when they need to go. She said some children recover quickly but some children are still having problems well into their teens.

There is a great group on Facebook called Encopresis Support UK. Some of the members are adults who had this problem as children/teenagers.

@WhisperingAutistic thanks so much for sharing your experience, I have found that support group on FB and requested to join as I believe this is exactly what my daughter is going through. She's probably not communicating quite as well as a 7 year old but she tells us she has no idea it's coming and certainly seems extremely shocked when it happens so I don't think she's making it up.

Glad to hear that you're getting medical support, I really hope things clear up for your son soon.

My DD had constipation and would get overflow issues. We use Lactulose (still do, she's 14) which does help.