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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Original poster

Stubborn 3 year old

13 replies

FebMama · 07/03/2023 02:49

I've written a few threads on here before for some advice and sadly nothing seems to be working.

My eldest turned 3 last month.

Since June of last year, he consistently has been doing his wees on the toilet. He now no longer has accidents which is great.

The issue is poos! He point blank refuses to do a poo on the toilet and says he wants to do it in his nappy (pull up).

I send him to nursery in boxers and he will come home perfectly dry, but holds his poo in all day. The only way to encourage him to poo and not get constipated is to put a pull up on him. 9/10, he will do a poo within the hour.

Just the other day, I attempted no pull ups at all. He was so stubborn snd complaining of a tummy ache. He was clearly withholding his poo. Eventually just before bed, he soiled himself in his boxers.

It's really frustrating. He's an extremely bright 3 year old, communicates like a child older than his years if I'm being honest. The fact that he cracked wees in the toilet around 9 months ago, it's disheartening that poos are taking so long.

Things we have tried:

  • putting him on the toilet every hour
  • reward/sticker charts
  • bribery and promising new small toys for poos on the toilet
  • physically putting his poo from his pull up into the toilet and showing him where it goes
  • the "poo goes to pooland" app
  • sitting him on the toilet and waiting with him for up to an hour when I see signs of him needing to go (I.e farting or saying his tummy hurts)

What else can I do? ☹️

OP posts:
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PangoBakery · 07/03/2023 05:08

Just take a break from training for a few months, put him in pull ups and then try again.

Original poster
FebMama · 07/03/2023 05:28

@PangoBakery we are currently doing that though. We put a pull up on him to allow him to do his poo seeing as it's the only way he will do his poo. Then once he's done it (he typically only does one a day), he will go into boxers for the rest of the day because he's fine with wees. Then he goes back into a pull up for overnight.

OP posts:
sheusesmagazines · 07/03/2023 05:32

We had this same exact thing. It's so frustrating! Eventually we gave up. We kept talking about doing poos in the potty and asked if he wanted to maybe a few times a week. Zero pressure and all very nonchalant. Eventually, when he was 4 and a bit one day he said "I need a poo!" instead of "I need a nappy!", he went on the toilet, and that was that.

nobodygirl2023 · 07/03/2023 05:36

Does holding it in necessarily make you constipated? Seems odd. I'd ditch the pull ups and he'll have to just go eventually whether in the toilet or in his pants. Hopefully he will realise he doesn't like it in his pants & start to go to the toilet instead.

nobodygirl2023 · 07/03/2023 05:38

nobodygirl2023 · 07/03/2023 05:36

Does holding it in necessarily make you constipated? Seems odd. I'd ditch the pull ups and he'll have to just go eventually whether in the toilet or in his pants. Hopefully he will realise he doesn't like it in his pants & start to go to the toilet instead.

Sorry I just saw you tried this and he soiled himself. Surely this is just part of it and you need to let him do that until he learns not to?

PangoBakery · 07/03/2023 06:10

FebMama · 07/03/2023 05:28

@PangoBakery we are currently doing that though. We put a pull up on him to allow him to do his poo seeing as it's the only way he will do his poo. Then once he's done it (he typically only does one a day), he will go into boxers for the rest of the day because he's fine with wees. Then he goes back into a pull up for overnight.

What's the problem then? Carry on as you are until he's ready for the toilet.

autienotnaughty · 07/03/2023 06:13

I wouldn't force it , he's not ready. I'd do the pull ups, keep the potty there and suggest it . Reward if he 'tries' on the potty/toilet. If you are really concerned Book in with gp.

Beeeeeeeee · 07/03/2023 06:18

I would take all the pressure off. Stop the strategies you’ve listed above, which all pressurise. Give him a break, don’t talk about poo for three months or so.

Happycow · 07/03/2023 06:20

My DS was the same - i just put a pull-up on him as soon as we got through door in the evening. I would try every few months to get rid of the pull-ups but the mess (and constant pants buying!) wore me down lol. Took a year until he was ok with pooing on the toilet (and even then the bribe of a new toy!)

lemonmama · 07/03/2023 06:25

Carry on letting him use a pull up for poos. I work in a nursery and a few of the children did this for a while after they mastered wees, until they started doing it on the toilet by themselves. The parents said they would just pop a pull up on them every evening and they got in the habit of doing it then. Don't see an issue. If he's not ready for that he's not ready

Original poster
FebMama · 07/03/2023 09:00

Thank you all. I guess I have to pull back a bit then and not push it too much. It's the fact that he's been doing wees on the toilet for so long that gets me!

@Happycow and agree re the mess/washing/buying new boxers, that's another part of the frustration!

OP posts:
Boymum19 · 27/08/2023 18:36

Hi, wondered how you are managing now?
I am having the same issue with my son and honestly losing count of the times I am crying over this.

my son won’t even try now and I’ve tried everything and made to feel a s**t mum as friends say I’m confusing him by allowing use of pull up and should just make him use the toilet…….cos obviously it’s that easy!

since Starting 3/4 months ago he hasn’t had any wee accidents, and he’s even been dry at night most nights BUT sometimes he is also very wet so reluctant to completely remove pull ups. He will just poo in pants though if he really has too and not say a thing until someone smells it; or he will just hold it until bed knowing he will have a pull up over night. I’m at my wits end.

Oliviaspendlove · 12/10/2023 15:38

Looking for advice….. please help!!

I potty trained my son in April this year, hasn’t had an accident since day 1 (wee). He even done a few poo’s on the potty within the first few days, however since then he became erratic when he needed a poo and would hold it until he he had a nappy on at bedtime. He eventually agreed to put a nappy on during the day when he said he needed one (took about a month to get to this point)
This has now turned into him only having a poo in his cot, laying down with the lights off he will not even do one standing up or with the lights on. I have tried everything other than tough love. Has anyone had a similar experience or any advice? Or do I just try taking away the nappies and dealing with the meltdowns? I can see him being 18 and only pooing in bed 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

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