Where are we going wrong?

WorriedMum13 · 2023-03-06T11:22:27+00:00

We've been potty training our almost 3 yo for the past 7 weeks but making little progress. This is our second attempt at training, we initially tried around 2.5 but it was clear he wasn't ready at the time. We made a good start, he understands what the potty is, can hold for a good while and enjoys the praise & excitement he receives when he goes. The problem is we are still asking/pleading and often bribing him to use the potty. He does not tell us he needs to go and even if we notice him holding himself, he will deny he needs to. He will come to us as soon as he has an accident and doesn't like being wet. Any advice? I don't want to stop or take a break as I feel 7 weeks is a long time and a lot of effort to stop.

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Original poster

WorriedMum13 · 06/03/2023 11:24

I should mention we have tried potty's and inserts for toilet seats but this doesn't make a difference. He has a sticker chart too but this doesn't seem to incentivise him like I'd hoped.

OP posts:

Beginningless · 06/03/2023 11:32

Some of them just take longer to click. I think in your case though, I’d be tempted to go back to the start and spend 3 or 4 days, at home, bare bum and trying to get everything in the potty. Like you keeping a close eye and when you see signs he needs, putting the potty beside him. Maybe avoid the pleading and bribing and just try a consistently neutral ‘it looks like you need a pee, there’s the potty’. And quite neutral about accidents, ‘next time go to the potty when you feel the feeling’.

On YouTube there’s an Aussie band called teeny tiny stevies who have great songs about various things but one about going to the toilet is good. Although I found mine didn’t feel comfy on the toilet for a while, even with inserts, that tended to come later, but I know some kids go straight there.

I think what you are dealing with is pretty normal, although testing I know! Some kids get it in 3 days which is great but a great many don’t, mine didn’t.

FlounderingFruitcake · 06/03/2023 11:36

Have you tried leaving the potty right next to him so he can get there quickly? Don’t overprompt beyond there’s the potty when you need it. And obviously I’d have him help clean up accidents, put wet clothes in the machine, fetch dry ones etc. The idea being it’s super easy to go potty (it’s right there next to him!) but really inconvenient to have an accident.

Original poster

WorriedMum13 · 06/03/2023 11:42

Beginningless · 06/03/2023 11:32

Some of them just take longer to click. I think in your case though, I’d be tempted to go back to the start and spend 3 or 4 days, at home, bare bum and trying to get everything in the potty. Like you keeping a close eye and when you see signs he needs, putting the potty beside him. Maybe avoid the pleading and bribing and just try a consistently neutral ‘it looks like you need a pee, there’s the potty’. And quite neutral about accidents, ‘next time go to the potty when you feel the feeling’.

On YouTube there’s an Aussie band called teeny tiny stevies who have great songs about various things but one about going to the toilet is good. Although I found mine didn’t feel comfy on the toilet for a while, even with inserts, that tended to come later, but I know some kids go straight there.

I think what you are dealing with is pretty normal, although testing I know! Some kids get it in 3 days which is great but a great many don’t, mine didn’t.

Thank you for your reply.

All I hear from other parents is how quick their kids trained, sometimes it's nice to know we aren't the only ones who struggled with potty training.

I will take a look for the video on YouTube, thank you!

OP posts:

Original poster

WorriedMum13 · 06/03/2023 11:43

Beginningless · 06/03/2023 11:32

Some of them just take longer to click. I think in your case though, I’d be tempted to go back to the start and spend 3 or 4 days, at home, bare bum and trying to get everything in the potty. Like you keeping a close eye and when you see signs he needs, putting the potty beside him. Maybe avoid the pleading and bribing and just try a consistently neutral ‘it looks like you need a pee, there’s the potty’. And quite neutral about accidents, ‘next time go to the potty when you feel the feeling’.

On YouTube there’s an Aussie band called teeny tiny stevies who have great songs about various things but one about going to the toilet is good. Although I found mine didn’t feel comfy on the toilet for a while, even with inserts, that tended to come later, but I know some kids go straight there.

I think what you are dealing with is pretty normal, although testing I know! Some kids get it in 3 days which is great but a great many don’t, mine didn’t.

Also, I think going back to basics is exactly what we need to do.

Currently juggling a new baby and toddler at home alone so this sounds like a plan for weekend when DH is home to help.

OP posts:

Original poster

WorriedMum13 · 06/03/2023 11:44

FlounderingFruitcake · 06/03/2023 11:36

Have you tried leaving the potty right next to him so he can get there quickly? Don’t overprompt beyond there’s the potty when you need it. And obviously I’d have him help clean up accidents, put wet clothes in the machine, fetch dry ones etc. The idea being it’s super easy to go potty (it’s right there next to him!) but really inconvenient to have an accident.

Helping to clean the mess is a really great suggestion, I will definitely do this after the next accident. Thank you.

OP posts:

GiltEdges · 06/03/2023 11:49

Have you tried bigger incentives or just the stickers? With DS who was a similar age it was smarties and gummy bears that ultimately did it. Then after a few weeks of no accidents we stopped offering them and only gave them if he remembered/asked. Then eventually, he stopped asking. No accidents since in almost 9 months.

Original poster

WorriedMum13 · 06/03/2023 11:57

GiltEdges · 06/03/2023 11:49

Have you tried bigger incentives or just the stickers? With DS who was a similar age it was smarties and gummy bears that ultimately did it. Then after a few weeks of no accidents we stopped offering them and only gave them if he remembered/asked. Then eventually, he stopped asking. No accidents since in almost 9 months.

Yes, we probably went in a little to big with the incentives initially, giving him a new hot wheels car for every pee in the first few days (the £1.60 ones you can pick up from anywhere).

The stickers are a newer incentive though no where near as exciting as a toy.

OP posts:

RunTowardsTheLight · 06/03/2023 11:59

Ok I think you should be going for something between a sticker and a car. Chocolate? I'm not a bribing mum for anything else btw!

Original poster

WorriedMum13 · 06/03/2023 12:08

RunTowardsTheLight · 06/03/2023 11:59

Ok I think you should be going for something between a sticker and a car. Chocolate? I'm not a bribing mum for anything else btw!

I agree, we went too big and now a sticker on a chart isn't quite as exciting. I will pick up some kind of sweet or chocolate.

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Flowersintheattic57 · 06/03/2023 12:26

We had a jar of Smarties and he got one for every success. It also took him a long time. But by the time the jar was empty he’d cracked it.

PutinTheFuckingBasket · 06/03/2023 13:04

How new is your new baby? It might be a bit much for a 3 year old to manage potty training along with all the other change that's just happened in his life. If you change a few thing and he still doesn't crack it, maybe you need to wait until everything is more settled?

SUBisYodrethwhenLarping · 06/03/2023 13:26

Work out from his routine when you anticipate a wee or poo? Write it down if it is hard to remember and you might see a pattern

After meals or half hour after or after XYZ?

Have you tried sitting with him reading books while he is sitting on the potty so he gets your complete attention at the times that you expect a wee or poo

Obviously with a new baby a bit hard but try when DH is home, that DS gets 100% attention for just sitting on it at the times you expect something to happen and then it might just happen in the potty

Attention might work quite well especially as he is sharing you with a new baby he might really enjoy just having you/DH complete to himself

I realise this will be hard after the weekend but he might crack it over weekend

pjani · 07/03/2023 10:55

I have stubborn children who would not take 'suggestions' or questions if they wanted to do a wee (or whatever) well. However, at the point they start jiggling, holding themselves, crossing legs if I say more seriously 'Go to the toilet and do a wee' I do have success.

So I'm just checking - are you asking lots of times if they want to wee? Instead, tell them to go and do it. Might have more success.

Original poster

WorriedMum13 · 07/03/2023 14:28

pjani · 07/03/2023 10:55

I have stubborn children who would not take 'suggestions' or questions if they wanted to do a wee (or whatever) well. However, at the point they start jiggling, holding themselves, crossing legs if I say more seriously 'Go to the toilet and do a wee' I do have success.

So I'm just checking - are you asking lots of times if they want to wee? Instead, tell them to go and do it. Might have more success.

I've been asking him but he always says no - even when he's holding himself and clearly needing to go.

OP posts:

pjani · 07/03/2023 17:27

That’s my point though - stop asking him and tell him to go. I accidentally do this too ‘do you need a wee?’. The answer is always no. Stop asking and tell your DC to go, is my suggestion. Own your authority a bit more.