Potty training is a nightmare!

[Bizziee]

Hi mummies. So my little boy is 3 years 4 months and we've been potty training for nearly a year now. I want to cry it's so hard and I wish I had waited because he is no closer to being potty trained than when we started. I feel like I have tried everything 😩

He has only had a handful of dry days over the year and even the staff where he goes to nursery are finding it hard. He goes full time Mon to Fri.
We have tried sticker reward charts, potty, toilet, Smarties when he goes, massive praise, no praise, alarms to remind him to go, 3 day method and I'm not proud of it but I have lost my temper on a number of occasions. I just can't take it anymore I am going through so much washing because he is going through up to 4 changes of clothes at nursery and double at home!!! I have tried to put him back in nappies but he screams blue murder and wont put them on, he doesn't even want to put them on for bed but I refuse to change his bed multiple times in the night. Sometimes he will tell me he needs to go but it's usually too late. Other times he will go to the toilet but again, it's too late and he often pees on the floor. He's peed on my sofa so many times I've actually lost count now. And sometimes he simply doesn't care. I literally cannot give him juice because he will neck it and then it's just pee pee pee! What do I do!!!!??? I am honestly losing the will to live now, I never thought potty training would be this hard!! 😭 I feel like I've failed him somehow and I am at my wit's end with it. Please please help me, he is running me ragged! 🤣😭🙈🤯

I had a similar issue with my daughter and she just wasn't interested in potty training.

It seems silly but we sat her on the potty whilst she watched cartoons. She would wee in the potty and we would make a massive fuss. When she wasn't sat on the potty we would leave it in the living room near the tv and she would start to go on her own without our prompt.

It just clicked after that. She's now 3 years 5 months and was potty trained by 3.

Not everyone will agree but if this were me, I'd go back to nappies all the time, wait a few months and then try again

Nappies at over 3, unless additional needs is ridiculous! Sorry some kids are definitely harder. Oh crap method, and also echo just stick him on the potty in front of the tv and do not attempt to go out until he’s done a wee. Don’t ask if he needs the loo just keep taking him, before you leave the house, when you get somewhere, when it’s been 2hrs since his last wee etc.
Also can the juice it’s not necessary and you’re right defo makes them pee more.
I have heard some boys prefer a toilet to the potty- might that help?!

That sounds hard. You started far too early and it's become a mental block. You're all bored if it, including your son. You need to refresh it. Back to nappies and start again in few weeks time. We waited until our girls asked to potty train. Both 2y8m and was done in 4 days, including overnights. We have a newborn boy, so I'm sure our luck has run out and this time will be a nightmare!

Nappies at over 3, unless additional needs is ridiculous

Rubbish. Wait until they are ready -
Within reason. Save yourself the stress.

Agreed. The PP was unnecessarily shaming you OP. All kids are different. My DS1 asked to stop having nappies at 2y10m because his friend was using the potty at nursery. He was trained within days. His little brother was over 3 when he asked to come out of nappies. Day 1 was a disaster. Day 2 onwards has been a dream. And unlike his older brother he was dry overnight as soon as he was trained (not that you can train overnight dryness of course).

OP I would tell you DS that he’s going back into nappies for 2/3/4 weeks (maybe the potty has to be used by someone else for a bit?) and then try again after a break. Just take the stress out of the situation for a while.

My eldest son suddenly "got it" when his dad started taking him to the loo every time he went. He never did wee in the potty, but standing up was fun, especially when he and his dad both aimed at the brand name logo at the back of the loo.

Would he tolerate pull ups, which feel more like pants? If so, I’d go back to those and have a decent couple of months gap before starting again completely afresh.

I had the same issue with my son. I was so sad seeing lots of younger children surpass mine and I felt like, what am I doing wrong. 2 months before his 4th birthday something clicked and now we have maybe 1 accident a week when he's really concentrating on something. It will eventually just happen, hang in there mama.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers how awful to say this: "nappies at over 3, unless special needs is ridiculous". Are you the developmental expert who knows every child's developmental curve? I feel sad reading comments like this.

I really wouldn't push it, I also would go back to nappies and relax about it all. It is so easy when they are ready.

I had similar with DS2. I realised it was a control issue. He knew when he needed to go but sort of couldn’t be bothered.
It went on for 6 months.
In the end we went back to pull ups. If he is upset just calmly say that if wees go in the toilet then it’s back to big boy pants.
Another possibility is a week at home (in better weather is easier) and back to basics with bare bottom half. Until he is reliably using the toilet/potty
Eric has some useful resources I have heard.
Good luck! You will get there.

Wow, sorry I did not mean to respond to all of these so late! Wasn't expecting this many responses so thank you!

In hindsight, I probably did start him a little too early but there was pressure from nursery to get him going ready for pre school. Because he goes there full time he's kind of at the mercy of the staff and I only have the two full days with him at the weekend to do things my way. I've used pull up nappies for as long as I can remember as I've always preferred them over regular nappies but it's got to a point where he will have a literal meltdown if I try to put one on him during the day. Also, I do get what a lot of you are saying about putting him back in nappies but it almost seems counter productive after this long of trying?? If he is in one of those moods too and I manage to get a nappy on him he will take it off so I have to put him in a onsie backwards so he can't. Really not a fun experience! And he has always strictly had water I don't see the need to give him juice but what I meant was that I literally can't because it goes straight through him lol. It's like Niagra falls!!

I have tried putting his potty in the living room and in his bedroom too but he prefers to use the toilet and won't even entertain his potty anymore. Should I get it back out and try again? Oh and he won't go bottemless 😂apparently hanging out with your wang out isn't something he enjoys and will demand a pair of undies or trousers. We do have the potty training pants which are thicker and do help stop his trousers getting soaked but of course, he is still wetting himself. He just doesn't seem to recognise in time that he needs to go and so he doesn't make it. Or he is too pre occupied with something to care. I've tried asking him if he needs a wee or simply taking him but 9 times out of 10 he will say no and then scream when I force him to go 😬

My advice is take a week off and tackle it at home- kids are stubborn but you’re the parent, as exhausting as it is keep the bottoms off for a couple of days and don’t take no for an answer when you say you will go to the toilet

This not not helpful and also not true.

Are you sure he’s ready? I felt immense frustration with dd as she simply couldn’t care less. Would wee on the sofa, refuse to sit on the potty etc. We tried 3 times since October and each time gave up after 2 days. I started again last Monday, and bar 3 accidents on the Monday has been fine and is telling me when she needs to go. I am bribing her with chocolate stars but whatever it takes….

If I were you I would stop for a few weeks. If he wants to wear pants he needs to use the potty. Sit him on every hour and give massive praise if he does something.

I used the Oh Crap book and it worked like a charm. First tried when my son turned one but it was clear he couldn’t make the connection between the potty and emptying his bladder/bowels unless prompted so we tried again when he turned 18m and within 2 days he figured it out. He takes himself to the potty at home and nursery but needs help with pushing his pants down. He is now 20m and will say “wee” or “poo” if he needs to go and he’s wearing a nappy or training pants. I think of your son is struggling maybe re visit in a few months

We just let our child do it wh they wanted, I didn't see the need to actively do it

Do it during a holiday, it's probably not helping that nursery are doing their thing 5 days a week, then your technique only 2 days a week. At that age, a solid week in house focusing on it should do it. Will be a rather depressing week but you can't go on like this. It's been made a 'thing' for him to rebel against, which is such a shame.

Ok thanks everyone! Can't say I'm looking forward to trying to get a nappy back on him lol but I definitely cannot keep going on like this 😅I won't lie that I struggle with the tantrums. I am always firm and try to stand by what I have said but his meltdowns trigger me a little bit and leave me feeling quite traumatised!
I've tried explaining to him gently that if he wants to be a big boy and wear pants then he needs to use the toilet etc and he does nearly always tell me he needs to pee, he just has usually already wet himself or can't make it and lately my emotions have been getting the better of me. Yesterday actually he peed on my sofa again and silently slipped off and said sorry 😭I think I've been too hard on him and that is so not the kind of parent I want to be 😓Thank you so much everyone for your support and advice! We will go back to nappies and try again in a few months and hopefully something will just click for him ❤

Hi any updates please ?