Help - how do we fix this?

[ml01omm]

Hi

We started potty training DC about 2 months ago, at 27 months old.

First 3 weeks were good, slowly making progress etc. Then it all went wrong.

At nursery ( he goes 4 days a week) he is fine, he asks to go to the potty or takes himself off there by himself. Comes home dry most days.

At home, its gotten worse and worse.

He used to tell us when he needed a poo, now he just does it in his trousers.

He never used to tell us when he needed a wee, so we just used to take him at regular intervals. However now he refuses to sit on the loo or the potty, says he doesn't need a wee, and then wees on the floor 10 seconds later, while stood next to the potty.

We are tearing our hair out. If it wasn't for the fact he was doing so well at nursery, I would put him back in nappies, but I don't want to un-do the good stuff at nursery?

Any ideas on how we move forward from here?

Just put him back in nappies at home. He's old enough to understand the difference between home and nursery. He's quite young to have started.

Hey OP, sorry I can’t help but following because I have a similar problem with DD! Although we have only been trying for a couple of weeks so far. She is still having some accidents at nursery but is managing to wee in the potty, so has made progress there.

At home she will sit on the toilet or potty, do nothing, then get off and immediately wee or poo in her pants. She is older (34 months) and we really want to just get this out the way. Had to postpone potty training for several months to get her constipation issues under control.

Like you I really don’t want to go backwards and put her in nappies again. I do worry that it’s confusing for them. Really hoping someone has some useful tips!

I think some two steps forward, one step back is normal and it's best to just relax and not worry about it. It's developmental and pushing too hard just causes a lot of unnecessary stress. In fact, child abuse peaks around this time when parents insist that a child be fully potty trained when in fact the child just isn't ready for it. Good luck!

I’d put him back in nappies. Leave nursery to do what they want to do.

I waited until mine knew when they needed to go, could tell me they needed to go, could hold it in long enough to get to a toilet and mostly manage their own clothes etc. They were quite a bit older but no accidents and no stress as they were completely ready.

All the constant reminding ‘do you need a wee’ and sitting them on the toilet not doing anything etc just causes you and them so much stress. They pick up on your stress - hence refusing to sit on the toilet.

Go back to nappies and try again a few months. We had exactly the same over the summer with DS who was 2 years 8 months at the time. He started getting really upset when we asked him to go the toilet/potty. I didn’t want to ‘give up’ because I felt we had been making progress but it was just getting too stressful for us all and he was weeing on the sofa/car seat which needed cleaning etc. He turned 3 in November, we’ve tried again this week and after several accidents the first day and a couple the second he’s been dry for the last 3 days. I think sometimes they just need time and pushing it when they’re not fully ready is just unnecessarily stressful.

Could his dad show him how to wee standing up? He might be more interested in doing it that way than sitting, you can buy steps and stickers or ping pong bowls to go into the toilet so he can practice his aim!

I would also implement a simple sticker or other reward chart where every time he does a wee or poo on the potty he gets a reward so that there is some incentive for him to go.

I would also look at whether there is anything different at nursery vs home as well, you say he will take himself to the potty at nursery. Can he take himself to the potty at home and manage it by himself as he can at nursery? Is the potty located somewhere with more privacy than just the corner of the living room and is it always available without you needing to get it for him? He might feel anxious about going to the potty at home if he needs to ask for help or if it’s in a very open space. Make sure the potty area is quiet and that he won’t be interrupted and maybe also look at making it a nice and inviting space with maybe pictures of his favourite cartoon characters on the wall to look at or something similar. Maybe even a magazine or books to look at if he’s going to be sat longer.

If that doesn’t work then maybe going back to pull-ups at home for a while is a way to take the pressure off, he can still wear pants at nursery and then at home you can keep the potty available and if he’s in pull ups he’ll be able to manage them if he does wish to use the potty or toilet then he can, but he also knows it’s fine not to if he’s not ready yet.

Agree put him in nappies.

He can do it sometimes but not always. That's fine he is young. Just go with the flow and he will get it in the end