Give me all your tips. We need to crack this.

[Mylittlesandwich]

DS is just over 3 and a delightful yet stubborn child. He just doesn't want to use the potty. We've tried reward charts, picking his own potty, picking his own pants, books about potty training, being completely positive about the whole thing, full of support and encouragement about how clever he is. He seems excited with us but as soon as the day gets underway and you ask him to use the potty is "no!" And he gets stressed about it. I have no idea what I'm doing wrong.

He's not ready

Try again in a few months.

He’s over 3 I wouldn’t be leaving it. At that age they’re perfectly capable but are just being toddler stubborn. There’s no guarantee that leaving it will change that! Any chance you’re also inadvertently stressing him out with all the potty talk, the prompting, the choosing pants, pick a potty, read the potty book, he’s clever if he gets it right (implying he’s not clever if he has an accident)?

I’d push through to crack but chill out a bit! Plan to stay close to home for the best part of a week, keep him naked on the bottom half and take him to the toilet with a toddler seat (he’s probably too big to be comfy on a little potty) every 15 minutes and allow him to watch a minute something if he’s reluctant to sit. When he starts having success give loads of praise and increase the interval. Don’t ask, don’t prompt, just take him. In between tries don’t mention it, do a nice activity together and focus on that but do watch him like a hawk so if he starts to have an accident you can encourage him to hold it and rush to the loo. Have him help clean up too, not in a punishing way but like ‘oh dear you didn’t make it to the toilet this time, let’s get the cleaning things, I’ll spray and you can wipe’ basically make the toilet the quicker and more convenient option!

Totally fair, this isn't all happening at once. Just things I've done over the last few months. I make sure clever is aimed at him in general that he's such a clever boy I know he can do this. Rather than dependant on him potty training. I've tried several times over the last sort of 6 months, never pushing it. If he didn't get it we dropped it and tried again another time but he's in the preschool room at nursery and the vast majority of them are potty trained. Nursery said this may encourage him but no movement so far.

I agree with pp that a potty may be too small now. At nursery is he probably being encouraged to use a tiny toilet?

I bought a plastic folding training seat for the loo with two nice solid steps up and two handles. My DS found this much easier to use (potty refuser).

It took him longer than my dd to know when he needed to go.

He graduated very quickly to peeing standing up, using a little step to stand on. He even lifts the seat now 😍

A good idea is to manage what he drinks at home. So don't leave him a bottle to sip from as and when, give him a BIG drink at 8am and then 20 mins later prompt him to try the loo. Im guessing you are already doing that, but just in case!

Top tip from experience - some really aren't ready.

If the average age is (for example) 3, then some could be 2 and some could be 4. My daughter was one of those - she just didn't get it until 4. Someone always has to be at the latest end of the scale - yours might be too.

We tried again today since I'm off work for a few days and we have no success. He just doesn't seem interested at all. I'm not letting on how stressed I am but I feel like I'm hitting my head off a brick wall. We've had 2 accidents, several sitting on the potty trips but nothing in the potty. I got a step and a seat for the actual toilet but he's not interested in it at all.

I just feel like it must be something I'm doing wrong, he's a smart wee guy and at 3 surely he should be able to if I can position it right to him?

It’s been a day! Even the smartest of smart 3YOs, which I’m sure your little guy is, can’t be expected to get it quite that quickly! Especially if you’ve tried before a few times but not continued for whatever reason. Devote a few days to it. I’d expect 3 days to see improvement and a week to be on the way to cracking it. Good luck!

I know you're right, potty training is the single biggest challenge we've faced (as I'm sure it is for many) we had a huge success just before bed and he told me he was proud of himself which made me tear up. We have nowhere to be until after new year so I'm just going to stay home with him and stick with it.

we had a huge success just before bed and he told me he was proud of himself which made me tear up
Aw this is amazing! It’s the best to see them cracking a big grown up skill and I think for the first time being really independent and so proud of themselves as a result. I totally agree it’s the hardest thing and in a very weird way it’s very emotional too. You’ve both got this- I’m sure there will more successes tomorrow!

Thanks for all your support @FlounderingFruitcake I am quietly confident that we've about cracked this. We're going to my sisters on Saturday as a test of how we do away from home.