Ten days in... No progress

[imahippopotamus]

DS will be 3 at the end of Jan. His twin sister trained very easily a few weeks ago and is out of nappies. About ten days ago DS decided he wanted to wear pants and use the toilet - he is really really jealous of her having knickers. So he's had pants at home and at nursery but he's making no progress at all. He can withhold his pee but he doesn't know how to let it out into the toilet/potty, so he pees himself a couple of times a day when he's absolutely desperate. It's very obvious when he needs a wee as he starts rocking and squeezing his penis, but he just won't pee into the toilet - has peed a few times a minute or two after going to the toilet. He is very very resistant to going back into nappies and is desperate to wear his pants. He poos about once a day and doesn't volunteer to go to the toilet either but it's easier to catch him starting to poo and sit him on the toilet. We have toilet seats, stools, potties, rewards (toy cars - adores it if he gets one but not motivated to try for one). Any advice? Should I force him back into nappies for a bit? I'm very conscious of the whole thing becoming a negative experience for him but not sure what to do... Thank you!

Keep him naked for a few days.

It's great that he has asked for pants and you are well on your way now. Best to keep up the momentum and not return to nappies. It's difficult practically, I know. That not-yet-reliable phase is such a pain! Kids need to coordinate several factors: recognising the urge, planning to go to the toilet and hardest of all, interrupting what they are doing.

Does he sit to pee? It's easier and healthier to sit, but are family members encouraging him to stand?

Do you let him see you go too? Try talking through needing to go, stopping what you are doing, washing hands, feeling more comfortable and so on as it happens. He's learning about planning and consequences by seeing you go through it. Imitation is a big feature for young children.

Practically, pull-ups can be really useful, but some kids see them as nappies, so perhaps save them for long journeys and night-time use?

Personally I think extrinsic rewards are a big distraction and I would avoid. The biggest motivator is that the they want to be 'big kids' using the toilet like grownups.

Good luck

I agree. Stop what you arc doing, in the middle of something you are doing with him and go to the toilet. Explain to him. Watch a dvd stop it, go. Talk to him about how feeling like you are 'missing out' isn't a thing, you really aren't.

Thank you for the replies. It's encouraging that people think he's on the way there as I was thinking he just isn't ready yet. He usually stands to try to pee as that's what they've shown him at nursery although we've also done sitting a few times. He does often come with me to go to the loo and watches me and I explain what I'm doing. He definitely is motivated, he just hasn't yet done a single wee in the toilet! He pooed again today in the toilet though so hopefully that's progress...

Aw, bless him! He'll get there in his own time. Ten days isn't very long. After all, learning to walk and talk takes time and practice too. Including having a few accidents along the way! 🤗

As the issue seems to be that he just doesn't really know how to wee on the toilet, I think probably as soon as he does one wee on the toilet you'll have cracked it. When he's showing the signs of needing to go can you take him to the bathroom sit him on the toilet and then keep him there by chatting to him, singing songs etc. He might feel more relaxed, forget about trying and just go.