Fully continent but will only go in nappy pants

[Lollylamb]

Hello, looking for any advice or anyone that had a similar experience.

My DD is 3y9m but is not yet using the potty or the toilet. She is fully continent, in that she knows when she needs a poo or wee, and will go to the bathroom to do these (at home, nursery, cafes, restaurants, motorway services etc), but always in her nappy pants. She also is dry at night.

For a very long time she was terrified of the toilet and potty. Last time we took away her nappies she held it all in for 24 hours, after which we gave in and gave her her nappy as she was very distraught and crying at every attempt to put her on the loo or potty. After this we took the pressure off and said we'll wait until she feels ready, gave her more ownership of the process etc, and that has led us to today's situation.

Rewards have not worked. She has 3 different potties and 2 different seats. We've read all the potty books out there etc. I think that she may now be tipping into stubbornness rather than the genuine fear she had a few months ago.

My question is.... Has anyone else experienced this, and if you were me would you wait a little longer until she 'decides' to do it herself or go for another push and take her nappies away?

Thank you in advance.

Commenting in solidarity and also for advice as I was about to post about my daughter who is also 3.9 and in a similar boat. She will wee on the toilet but 💩 no. Quite happy to do it in her knickers, say she doesn't do it on purpose and will go to the toilet next time.

We've tried bribes, all the rewards, charts, all the books, not batting an eyelid to it, pottys, various toilet seats but still were at this brick wall. I don't want to lose my rag but I'm at the end of my tether. Especially with the start of school looming.

Same issue here @Lollylamb @thismeansnothing

Almost 3y old, when I tried to train her she held and held to the point of flooding and getting an infection. Put her back in nappies at her request and now she tells me every time she does something (in her nappy) and is often dry all night. But seems scared of using the potty or toilet, like a mental block.

Really not sure what to do!

You say you’ve read all the books but have you read “oh crap it’s potty training” because I’m pretty sure she deals with exactly this issue?

I think they”going in a nappy” thing is sensory seeking - they like the feel of it. We tried bribery with my DS but he did it the one time in the loo to get the (massive) reward and then went back to NP’s. I’d just ignore tbh and be led by her. If it continues for another year or so then I might ask for investigations because that kind of sensory seeking behaviour correlates with ND. My DS is autistic and it’s very common with his ND peers.

Have you tried lining the potty with a nappy/pull up and sitting her on that ? Then you would progress to padding the potty with lots of loo roll. It’s the feeling of it dropping out that they don’t like.

At that age you tell them they are too old for nappies and throw them away. Then you reward the positives and live through them being cross rather than giving in.

They aren’t fully continent if they are still in nappies. Needs sorting quite quickly as they’d be hugely disadvantaged socially if they turned up in school in nappies. Not fair on school either.

We had that for poo with my youngest. She would happily wee on the toilet but pop, no chance.

I waited until I thought it was about time and told her she could watch TV as long as she sat on the potty (as could her two older siblings). If she left the potty, I would turn the TV off.

I also promised that all three would have lots of chocolate if she did a poo in the potty. That sorted it! (We we’re strict on both TV and chocolate, she had two cheerleaders who kept cheering her on).

there was a big celebration between them when she finally did the poo and they all got chocolate. After that she was fine.

Show her empty nappy packet. Tell her there are no more nappies. Ride it out.

Mine wouldn't poo on the toilet for ages. I started sitting her on it with her nappy on, then with one side unfastened, then two sides, then eventually no nappy at all- took a bit over a week.

Thank you all so much for your replies and suggestions!

@KangarooKenny @IHeartGeneHunt I tried the lining the potty idea but it didn't work. I'll give it another go though.

@PatchworkElmer @CaronPoivre I am very tempted to go down that route, but last time we did it was 4 days of hell and zero success. The issue is sitting on the loo/potty, even when manhandled she did not let one drop of wee in either. Perhaps it's time for another go though.

@PiratePetespajamas I meant we read all the kids books about different characters going to the loo/potty. I will have a look at "oh crap" - did you have success with this issue?

@Deguster Thank you for this, there definitely is something there with the nappy security blanket feeling. she doesn't have other ND traits though so I'm not sure if it's that. she is a highly sensitive child, I think they often have some similar behaviours.

Have you tried the app or YouTube Poo goes to Pooland?

Hi there, thank you. Yes we have the app, she finds it amusing but it hasn't been convincing!

We have a problem with my 4 year old, we have tried everything but I'm happy to share something that might help with your child's fear, have her sit on the potty as much as possible with her nappy on in the living room when using her tablet .

Then move it into the toilet and have her go there, in the room to poo her nappy.

Eventually you once she is in the habit of sitting on the potty to go you cut a hole in the nappy, and keep making it bigger until she is pooping through it. but first you spend months getting her to be less afraid of it. We did this at a nursery I worked at.