3yr old refusing to potty train. Advice?

[Mummydee9263]

Hello my 3.5 yr old is refusing to potty train we have tried numerous times. He will sometimes sit on the potty but he will not use it and even just holds it in for many hours to avoid going on the potty. Not sure what to do?

Depends! Is he afraid of the big loo?

We went straight from nappies to loo (with a step) and avoided potties altogether.

You might have to wait until he is older or sometimes children get the hang of it when they see other dc at nursery or pre school using a potty or loo. Peer pressure can be a good thing in this instance!

Try him on the toilet instead. He might feel more comfortable and secure. Rewards are always good too, I wasn't above bribery.

If you can, make a plan to stay home for a week and concentrate on nothing else, at that age he should crack it very quickly once he knows you mean business.

I realise it's not always easy to put the time in, but that's what we did when I had my boys and we had them done and dusted within a week well before they were 3. I'm not criticising you, btw, I know there's a trend to train later nowadays.

A trick that works with boys is putting a table tennis ball in the loo - it sounds gross but they love having something to aim at!

Don't worry though, he'll get there soon I'm sure.

I brought DS magazines that lived in the bathroom for him to look at whilst sitting, there’s a reason men read on the toilet! If there’s stickers that’s a bonus

Can you leave it for a bit?

Toddler urinal worked for us

We've just managed to toilet train DS who's almost 3.5. He wouldn't use the potty for love nor money! He said it's for babies. He went straight for using the toilet.

The first one took ages. We were in the bathroom for about 30-40 minutes with him sitting on the toilet. I let him have my phone to watch YouTube and we just watched videos and chatted and sang some songs. When his first wee came out naturally, I was over the top excited for him and then he got really excited and after that, he wanted to do it all of the time. It was just getting that first one out of him.

We went on holiday a couple of weeks later and he spent a lot of time following us both around the apartment and when he realised his daddy stands up for a wee, he did too, and now won't sit down for one 😂

If he holds it in, he has control. So this is a psychological thing.

I have girls, I know it can be different with them. But one of them also had this issue. We had loads of books. We talked about it. I explained she would need to do it eventually as "all big girls do it". I explored her fears, including just talking about how it feels strange to go in the potty/toilet. What I didn't do was get into a battle with her, because that doesn't work. We tried the intensive thing but she held it in then flooded, but massively resisted the potty. So I left it a few months for her to think about it, then tried again and she did it. Potties and seats were left around for her to play with and explore. I also weed in front of my kids to normalize it, if their Dad is around could that be arranged? Nothing performative, it was just modeling and discussion through daily life.

Another one went straight to toilet seats, not liking the potty - the child ones.

Is he in nursery or pre school? Can they support? How is their messaging around it.

We did read Poo goes to Pooland, though that's for poo not wee. There can also be fears about falling in the Loo and being sucked down with the flush, just like some kids worry they will be sucked down the bath plughole.

Oh also, I did do reward schemes. So stickers for trying, for all the stages of the routine (trousers down, sitting in pot or Loo, wee, poo, cleaning self, flushing Loo, washing hands, trousers up). I fid a display chart. I think I gave sweets for wees/poos. This was during intensive periods. Depends on the child, one really went for this. Another ignored it.

And I promised the toy they wanted for overall consistent being potty trained in the day. This was very motivating. The singing Troll doll was one child's chosen thing.

I found night training largely hormonal - often they would be dry all night, but pee in the nappy when they woke up. If they wet at night, they were usually totally unaware so had no conscious control.

Hello all,
My first time posting here and I’m just looking for anyone who has been in a similar situation.
My 3.5 year old daughter had a weird virus a month ago and this lead to a uti followed by another one. She’s now had 3 lots of antibiotics, but it’s left her traumatised and she’s now holding wee and poo all the time despite wearing a nappy. We did try and potty train her to see if maybe this would help but it was too traumatising for all of us.
It’s affecting our daily lives as she’s so uncomfortable all the time and complaining that her downstairs hurts despite her not having an infection anymore (she’s been tested). I’m at my wits end and it’s making us all miserable as she’s so upset and will even hold it in her sleep. I’ve tried everything and nothing is getting any better 😢.