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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

3.5 yo has NO interest in potty training

12 replies

Cait73 · 10/09/2022 19:01

Over the last year we've tried potty training 3/4 times but my grandson is not interested

He either won't tell me he needs to go or he genuinely doesn't know?

What should I do?

He's 4 In December I didn't envisage having a 4 year old in nappies, what am I doing wrong?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

APurpleSquirrel · 10/09/2022 19:09

My DS turned 4 in May & was only finally potty trained by June - we had been trying since he was 2! He couldn't have cared less; was perfectly happy to sit in wet soiled nappies or even wet pants.
We went cold turkey at Christmas - no nappies/pull-ups (accept at nighttime) during the day - it was 6 months of hell, soooo many accidents. Literally sat next to a potty & wet himself because he couldn't be bothered to get up - no SEN by the way.
Low point was the day his preschool teacher brought out 6 changes of clothes, all wet, from the accidents he'd had in the 6hrs at preschool; they'd even had to use preschool spares as they'd gone through all our spares!
It was exasperating! Honestly worse than teething! A friends son was the same (same age, same issue) - but they are both now fully potty trained & DS hasn't had an accident for ages, which is fortunate as he starts school on Monday.
All I can say is if they aren't showing any interest & there's no suspected SEN you might just have to go in hard & ditch the nappies & preserve.

CrabbyCat · 10/09/2022 19:09

How long have you been trying for? My experience (I'm currently potty training my 3rd DC) is that it can take several weeks into potty training for them to get to the point of knowing they need to go. We're 2 weeks in with my just turned 3 year old DS and he is still entirely dependent on being made to go regularly using a timer (ie he has learned to wee on demand when sat on a potty). I'm gradually making the time intervals longer so he learns to hold it for longer. With the other two once they reached the point of being able to hold it in for long enough they have a properly full bladder, then they start learning the sensation of needing to go. This one is more stubborn though so it may take a while, but with him on a timer it keeps the number of accidents down!

APurpleSquirrel · 10/09/2022 19:09

Persevere not preserve!

Sunshineday2 · 10/09/2022 19:15

I wouldn't expect a child to be able to tell you he needs to go until after they've been trained to be honest. I would have described my dd as potty trained but she didn't tell me she needed it until a few weeks after.

How have you tried so far? Someone might have some suggestions.

hiredandsqueak · 10/09/2022 20:45

My son has autism to toilet train him the paediatrician recommended leaving him naked bottom down and encourage him to drink (using squash or milkshakes or other drinks that were usually restricted) and drink and drink so that they get the sensation of a full bladder. Then you plonk them on the potty as soon as they start to wee, huge celebration and a chocolate button and a bit of a ceremony to empty the potty . Once you are sure they know what a full bladder feels like you put them on the potty periodically, celebration, chocolate button and ceremony. Then once they are peeing to order you start asking to prompt them to pee and hopefully because they know what a full bladder feels like they will choose to pee in the potty when they need to go. He said a week but ds was reliable in four days. For poos you watch and look for the pattern and their own signal they are about to go and make sure they are on the potty when its time to go

Original poster

Cait73 · 10/09/2022 22:03

@hiredandsqueak all very sound advice thank you, gs isn't autistic but he's suffered trauma (which is why I have the pleasure of raising my gs) and I've been told they often have one or several delayed behaviours. He's very forward in all other aspects but sleep and toileting are a problem.

So your approach may be the answer, thanks

OP posts:

WoolyMammoth55 · 10/09/2022 22:14

OP, yes for us we did:
No clothes on bottom half (easiest in summer obviously!)
A potty in each room
We prompted him to sit down on the potty and try every 20-30 minutes
Chocolate buttons and congratulations for each success
No telling off/shaming/punishing for mistakes - just try again next time if you want the sweetie...
He was basically trained in 3 days using that method.

Once he had got it down and was pretty reliable then we started again with shorts on (but no underwear yet). Then eventually fully dressed.

And then as soon as we could we made the rule that all poos had to be on the toilet - potty for wees only! Because the potty clean up was too much :(

Wish you best of luck.

Original poster

Cait73 · 11/09/2022 06:53

Did this all summer, nothing on the bottom half

He'd either refuse to sit on the potty or tell me there's no wee then I'd watch as it trickled down his legs, again

I thought he didn't like the potty itself, we now have 8 in all manner of designs plus toilet seats, steps and stools!!

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PinkButtercups · 11/09/2022 06:57

My DS was 3 in July and he hates the potty and the toilet. Went on the potty once through his pants which was fine. Now refuses to go on the potty at all and will just wee himself on the carpet 🫣. It can be a tough one but he is now at nursery so they said they're willing to help. So I'm hoping when he sees other people using the toilet this will also help him.

takemetomybeach · 11/09/2022 07:05

Have you tried going straight for the toilet, not the potty? At 3.5, many of his peers will be using the toilet. Maybe he wants to do that? Sticker charts with a "prize" after, say, 5 or 10 toilet trips might help.

I toilet trained my DS over a 3 day rainy weekend. Wasn't fun not going out but he got it and accidents were very few and fr between.

gogohmm · 11/09/2022 07:36

Bribery! Dd got a coin for every successful trip to the toilet and one taken away for an accident. Each Saturday she took her money and could choose a book ... she had no language as autistic but chose phonics readers (??? Her choice) not only did it work, took around 4 weeks, we found out she could read when finally she started speaking at over 4.

APurpleSquirrel · 11/09/2022 09:20

Bribery certainly helped my DS - we started with Smarties, 1 for a wee, 2 for a poo; but he lost interest in that.
So we moved to sticker charts - he loves diggers etc, so I bought construction themed stickers & downloaded off Pinterest a construction themed potty training sticker chart & he got 1 sticker for a wee, 2 for a poo. Once the chart was filled up (about 20 stickers I think) he got a small construction toy. That definitely helped motivate him.
Preschool also helped by encouraging him, once one of staff sat with him in the toilet reading him a story whilst he went.
It will happen but yeah, it's hard, especially after DD had cracked it in less than a week before she was 3 - we weren't prepared for DS being so difficult.

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