Nearly 3 and not trained

[Bex5490]

Hi everyone. My DS is coming up to his third birthday and absolutely hates the idea of using a potty. I’ve tried sticker charts, rewards, pull ups no nappy at all. He was ok the first day, had lots of accidents but we praised for trying and eventually he peed in the potty - a great success! But the next day he peed on the floor and got so upset it was like he became traumatised.

That day he held his pee all day and then screamed and cried when he eventually let it out. Cried so much for mummy to put the nappy back on that he started shaking. I felt so bad so now he’s wearing pull ups and we’re kind of giving him the choice to try the potty if he wants to. As soon as he’s done anything in his pull up now he takes it off himself and asks for a clean one (which is annoying as he has worked out a way of getting around a potty seeming like a better option than being wet)!

When we’re in the house and he takes it off I just leave him no nappy but he just holds onto his wee for ages until he’s desperate to go and then cries saying he doesn’t want to use a potty just a nappy.

He does pretend he wants to use it to avoid bedtime though - the only time he ever wants to sit on it like he knows that I want him to give it a go enough to let him delay bedtime for 10 minutes…

He’s my only child and It’s making my feel like a crappy mum like I’ve traumatised him. He’s going to nursery in 3 weeks and because he gets so upset about it I hate the idea of him having to go through it with strangers.

I’d love any advice from anyone else who had a similar experience or people who’s children resisted potty training.

Thanks xx

I had this but have now cracked it. I found a useful handout online - if you search for potty training resistance McKenzie pediatrics it may come up.

Anyway what I did was went back to nappies for a few weeks. Forgot about potty. Then set up toilet seat and step, explained to child that there would be a sticker for sitting on it and 2 for weeing, plus sweets. Put her in pants and left her to it. No reminders whatsoever. Some proactive bribery was required for the initial sitting and pants wearing, probably due to my previous efforts!

It was a nerve racking first morning, but we had no accidents, a few unsuccessful attempts, and some successful attempts. In the next few days we had a few accidents but they were actual accidents rather than caused by holding in pee all day. Usually when really engrossed in playing. The advantage of having them in clothes rather than bare is that it gives you enough time to get them off your carpets before it goes every where., Meaning you don't feel you have to watch them like a hawk. Most of the accidents were outside or in the bathroom though.
We did go out to parks etc, but after she had done a wee thereby avoiding the need for reminders, as I know she can last a couple of hours between wees. There was a bit of fatigue and asking for the nappy by day 3 and I ramped up the desirability of the rewards a bit to keep interest, got more exciting pants etc. By day 5 we were over that and it became accepted that pants went on in the morning.

I think the key with older toddlers who resist is no reminders (they don't need them if they can hold on for hours), underwear rather than bare (by 3 they feel weird bare and don't need it as they know what they are doing), make it so they can be independent. Toilet therefore better as more grown up, no need for you to empty potty, they can do it completely on their own by 3 (apart from wiping perhaps). And decent, immediate rewards. Forget about dental health for a week!

One of mine was 3.5 before he managed. I work advising parents for a living. I put him back in nappies several times. My other two were training before 3. It’s easy for parents who have kids who are easily trained to get judgy but you should follow your instincts, keep trying, use bribery but don’t push so hard everyone is just traumatised. There’s always next month!

I potty trained my two dd’s when they were three. It was done within a day. Friends who did it earlier were potty training for weeks/months and had lots of accidents.

One friends’ son wasn’t potty trained till nearly four. She was starting to get desperate but one day it clicked and he didn’t want nappies anymore. I’d say don’t stress, wait till he’s ready, spend a few days at home with pants on and make sure he drinks lots so lots of opportunities to practise. If he’s still having plenty of accidents after a few days he’s not ready and I’d try again in a few weeks.

You could also get some books about using the potty to get him used to the idea.

Not even started training my soon to be 3 year old. She's not ready. When she is, can't imagine it'll take long.

Mine wasn't ready before 3. She got it pretty much instantly a few weeks after she turned 3. They are ready when they are ready.

Really don't worry - they all get there in their own time. My DGS resisted all attempts until a couple of months past his fourth birthday - he got hysterical if the idea was even suggested. Then one day Nursery told him that they'd run out of nappies and would have to send him home in pants. They suggested he could wear pants in the next day. He was reliably trained within days!

I did similar, actually did run out of nappies so said she'd have to wear pants until we had time to get to the shop. We didn't get round to going to the shop for a few days. It did give a potential get out clause if things were going disastrously with a repeat of the complete refusal we had before.

DD was 2 when she trained herself, DS is 3.5 and has only just cracked it over the last couple of weeks. We're still having accidents but he's getting better. I thought he'd never get there but suddenly it clicked.

Try not to worry, they get there in their own time.

It's taken DD til 4.5 to poo on the toilet. It's apparently really common.