Stubborn 3yo girl

[Button19]

Hello new member seeking plenty of advice.

My 3yo daughter accomplished a lot of major goals nice and early BUT she just refuses to go on the potty. Around 6 months ago we started and after a week of trying she did about 4 wees on the potty in one day but she cried each time (out of embarrassment I think). Then she just refused to go on again

I left it a couple of months and tried again with no luck. At the beginning of August I decided to try again. She will sit on the potty but won't wee or poo on it.
I have tried everything. I've had so much advice and nothing seems to work. She will literally go from 8am to bed time with out weeing (but I know that's unhealthy) but I don't want to give in easily.

Her speech is perfect so I've even tried sitting down and asking her why she wont use the potty and she just replies with "I don't know, I just don't like it"

The frustrating thing is she knows exactly what to do and she tells me how is works she just flat out refuses.

Any advice is extremely welcome and needed xxx

She's not stubborn, just very clearly not ready! Leave the potty around so she's used to it and wait for her to give you cues. Her development won't be evenly advanced so don't expect her to be better than expected at everything

Would she be happier going straight to the loo with a little step and a special insert for tiny bottoms?

Came on to suggest the same as @CrotchetyQuaver

Would she prefer doing it like a 'big girl' and going on a big girl toilet like mummy?

God that sounds so cringe but you know what I mean

OP girls can be quite particular about potty training and body functions … my dd was potty trained at 3 but at the start would hold her poos for days as it scared her .. I just didn’t make a fuss and didn’t put her back in nappies either .. eventually she had to go and was fine about it but still asks for a cuddle on the toilet sometimes! Rewards like chocolate buttons are very incentivising once they have done something and the fact that she can hold her wee tells you she can control her body so is ready for toilet training - good luck 😀

@CrotchetyQuaver @lisavanderpumpscloset I should have mentioned in the OP that I have also tried her on the Big Girls Toilet but again she will sit on it perfectly fine. Yesterday she told her dad she needed a wee, he sat her on the toilet but she refused to go, less than 2 minutes later she had an accident. I was relieved in a way because it meant she didn't hold it in like usual but I just can't grasp why she wont use them as she is fine with sitting on them.
@Carrieonmywaywardsun I probably should have also explained that according to the "experts" she is ready ie, tells us when she needs to go or has been, wants to watch me go etc so I am only following the guidelines along with everything else
@Genevie82 I have tried with rewards as well. The very first time she did it we gave her £5 and let her choose and buy her own toy (she loves interacting with staff bless her) and she was all excited but then nothing else for a few weeks but the 2nd time we tried she did have a poo and that did put her off for a while as well.

Have you tried bribing her with chocolate?

I think £5 to buy a toy is just too 'in the distant future' to be the best bribe/reward. I would either have a box of poundland crap she can have something out of instantly or the tried and tested chocolate buttons. I would go for the buttons because then you can also have one after you've done a wee (both these things in front of her!) so she realises she's missing out.

Just giving solidarity as my little boy is holding his wee all day. Today I put a nappy back on him as he was do distressed.

Are you following a particular approach? We did the oh crap method, so 2 days at home with bare bottom and watching her like a hawk for cues she needed a wee, fhen slowly introduced trousers, then knickers after a week, and we could then see her being able to hold for 30mins so could do a trip to the park etc.

As others have said bribery with chocolate, stickers etc

@lisavanderpumpscloset yea as well as strawberries because she absolutely loves them
@PestoPasghetti I thought that but as soon as she did it her dad gave it her and I felt mean taking it off her but we did have words after. I like the pound land stuff idea, I could do like a lucky dip and make it more fun for her. The buttons idea is also good and it's an added bonus if I get a chocolate haha
@HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel it was your post that actually made me put mine up to be honest. It is awful seeing how distressed they get but that's why I am at a loss
@Youcancallmeirrelevant that's the method I am currently trying. When she's in a nappy she will happily tell me she's weeing or pooing but as soon as the nappy comes off she just clams up and holds everything in
She has realised she will get a nappy on at bed time so now she always tells me that she is tired because she thinks that will get a nappy on that way so I am thinking of even going nappyless at bedtime
Xxx

This is terrible advice. I would recommend you get a book with professional advice.

It's good to know we're not alone. I did the Oh crap method. I'm getting advice like try the big toilet rather potty. Try him standing like daddy etc but as the problem is that he's not going at all none of these are working.

I wouldn't mind multiple accidents etc but the fact he's not going at all is causing so much anxiety.

@Ebonyhorse I thought @Carrieonmywaywardsun seemed a bit abrupt to be honest but I just meant that because my daughter had mastered most things earlier than the "normal" times (I am a first time mum so I was just going off what professionals had told me) then I thought we would crack potty training quite easily but I think I will have to seek doctors/health workers/professional help and advise if non of these work. As I keep saying, I think the frustrating thing is that she knows exactly what to do she just won't hence me calling her stubborn
@HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel I know I don't want to give in so easily but when they are crying and holding it in, we can't just let that happen can we 😔
Xxx

My 3 year old daughter was the same. Thought potty training would be a breeze because everything else was - but no!

We stopped trying, left potty out in case she wanted, left her to it. At 3.5 she decided one day to use the potty and was fine with wees from then on. She would poo at first but then said she didn’t like it and started withholding, against advice I gave her nappies back for a couple of weeks. The deal was she could ask for a nappy if she needed to poo. After a couple of weeks again she decided to go on the potty and has been fine since!

Some advise suggested kept on that she “should be” trained, “don’t give in” etc. but in reality she was ready when she was ready! I couldn’t force her to do it, not worth everyone getting upset about. Give her a little more time x