Struggling with potty training, maybe he's just not ready?

[LauraP12345]

My son is just over 2 1/2 (he'll be 3 in November) and he can ask for the toilet or use his potty fine at home as long as he has no pants/trousers on. As soon as I put anything on him to move to the next stage he just wee/poos in them. I've tried starting with loose shorts/perseverance with the pants even if he wets them every time/sticker charts/rewards/talking to him gently and explaining he has to tell us if he needs the toilet. Nothing seems to work. I'm at a loss as to what to do next, it's been months we've been trying with him and any time I've researched/asked people they say it should be days/weeks not this long. We recently went on holiday and had to go back to nappies because it just couldn't be done while away but now we're back I really want to get a hang on things and help him grasp it if I can. He starts nursery in September too which some have said might help? Dunno if I should just stop completely for a little while and try again or keep up how good he can be at home even if he has to stay bottomless! Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks x

Hi everyone,

My step son is almost 3 will be in September. I started potty training him last years in June but he still can go by himself. I always have to ask him to go and if I don't he'll have an accident. Same for number 2, I feel like my mother in law who lives with us and my husband contributed to this majorly. When I started my husband never really encouraged or really took part if it, he wasn't home that much. Before my mother in law joined us, my son was getting there I could see changes but when she got here she'll always help him in my back when I specifically asked her to let him do it. He was 20 months at the time. Therefore we got to the point that I'll say baby put your pants down he'll go to her crying. Now when she asked him to go wee he instantly said no and later will do it on himself. When I asked him to go wee he'll do it instantly. He always doesn't say much words. It has been a battle and I'm tired and defeated. He has weekend with the mom but he always come back worse. I just feel like he can do it with encouragement. Also whenever he wet his pant I'll make him go put it in the laundry room. He enjoys water so having him clean himself is fun for him. My son who is 10 months started potty train too and my first son sees it but doesn't care much and will wee or poo on him regardless. I don't just know what to do anymore. Please help.

My DS turned 4 in June - no SEN, but has only recently cracked potty training.
We'd been doing it gently since he was 2; having a potty out, encouraging him to sit on it whilst bath is running, etc etc everything we'd done with DD who successfully trained in a week shortly before her 3rd birthday. But DS wasn't interested. At all!
We tried pull-ups, but nope. At Christmas 2021 we decided to go nuclear & remove all nappies/pull-ups from daytime. So many accidents! He would literally sit on the floor next to the sodding potty & have an accident.
But we persevered - & it was so fucking hard. We hoped him attending preschool would help & it did - but a real low point was being presented with the 6 changes of clothes they'd had to do on him in one 6hr day - so many they'd had to dip into their own stash of spares!
But little by little it improved - not before several poo accidents. But it has now, finally been cracked. It's taken at least 6-7 months to get here with so many accidents & frustration but we're there which is good as he starts school in September.
So all I can say is maybe give it a rest for now as it sounds like he's not ready yet & try again in a few months but some children (mostly boys in my experience, who seem to be happy to sit in it all!) just take longer.

Just take a break from it. There's absolutely no need to rush this process. If they aren't ready it's stressful for everyone. Try again in another 6 months.

My DS3 started asking for a no 2 only when he was 20m old, all went well for about a month then suddenly would have accidents and completely ignored the potty. I've kept encouraging him to use the potty for both no1 and 2 but to no avail. He's 3.2yo and been fully dry since late May. His own decision to use the potty, and is also dry at night. We kept the nappies on him as we thought he might have the occasional accident, but no accidents and then he said he doesn't like nappies as he's a big boy now. It'll come naturally, don't rush it. My DD8 was potty trained also when she was ready at 35months. Good luck

My son turns 3 next month and we only started potty training last week. He spent the entire weekend wetting himself and tantrumming every time we even mentioned the toilet. But then we sent him to nursery wearing pants and he's finally starting to understand. I think seeing his friends go to the loo has spurred him on.

I'd suggest having a break from it for a couple of months and then have a chat with nursery once he's settled there. They'll be able to help and give their opinion/advice on whether they think he's ready. And seeing his peers doing it should help too.

Too young and not interested. Wait til November and try again.

It's simple..he's not ready. Leave it until he is ready, literally no rush.

It’s genuinely a case of not ready.

DD is 2.5 - (turns 3 at the end of Jan 2023) we started potty training 1 month ago - she got it in 2 days - including drives and outings.

DS - on the other hand - we waited till he was 3.5 (so a whole year older than his little sister) - and whilst he got it in a couple months - there’s no way he would have been ready like DD at 2.5

it really is recognising when each individual child in ready.

Take a break for a month. Let him use the potty or toilet if he asks but take the pressure off all of you. Is he able to dress himself yet? If not then focus on this, will need to be able to pull trousers & pants on/off himself for toilet training anyway.
If a child is ready it's usually simple & done in a few days (unless there are specific reasons) if not it becomes a very prolonged process.

Signs of being ready are - being about to let you know when they need to go. Having control of bladder I.e. nappies often dry for long periods. Being able to dress/undress themselves.

My advice...wait til they tell you they're ready. DD was super verbal from 18 months and could vocalise wee/poo, but she wasn't ready to PT until 32 months. However, she's been dry day and night since apart from maybe 5 early days accidents