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How do we stop rewarding him?!
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Birdybirdbirdy · 04/07/2022 19:07

TLDR version: we got into the habit of rewarding nearly 4 year old with tiny chocolates after a regression. How do we get out of it?! Worth noting that when nursery started winding down a previous sticker chart, he went back to more regular (wee) accidents.

DS is nearly 4. Started gently potty training at just before 3 and we’ve had a fair few ups and downs all the way. He has always struggled more at nursery than at home - think he gets distracted by the busy environment etc. Nursery had previously done a sticker chart with him which helped early on, but he always wet more often if for e.g his key worker was off and cover staff not as ‘on it’ with the stickers.
He had quite a bad regression a couple of months ago - lots of full wee accidents, constant wet patches where he’d started in his pants and stopped himself and also hiding this from us/nursery.
Anyway at our wits end and on holiday, we started giving a (tiny!) chocolate for successful wees on the toilet. I.E him actively saying that he needed to go (not us asking and cajoling) and then going, with pants dry on arrival! It’s been really successful. He does still have occasional accidents but they tend to be of the ‘I was busy and didn’t make it in time and have ended up with a wet patch’. He’s also stopped hiding accidents from us too and will tell us if he needs new pants (previously he wouldn’t mention it and was clearly having multiple small accidents over the day).
How do we move away from this? Or do I just buy shares in Milky Way magic stars and be done with it?!

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PritiPatelsMaker · 05/07/2022 19:36

If his last regression was only 2 months ago I'd just keep on with the chocolates for now. You can always move to smaller chocolates, if you feel the need Wink

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BendingSpoons · 05/07/2022 19:41

Could you move to tick chart where he gets a tick for a wee and then a chocolate after 2/3/5 ticks?

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GrassWillBeGreener · 05/07/2022 21:51

I find myself vaguely remembering something about intermittent rewards being stronger than regular rewards in conditioning experiments. So it might be that if you more to some reasonable pattern of "sometimes you get a reward" it may still work. But I agree probably no rush yet to reduce the chocolate stars. (ponders buying of shares too :) )

Good luck. Does he start school in September? Maybe rewards till then, and subsequently intermittent rewards at home, will work well.

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Birdybirdbirdy · 05/07/2022 22:04

Thanks everyone!
@GrassWillBeGreener we’ve got another year at nursery as he’s a September birthday. Think I’d just got to the point of ‘will I ever have less washing to do he ever actually get this?!’ and was starting to panic. I’ll crack on with the chocolate stars!

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RaggedBlousedPhilanthropist · 10/07/2022 20:49

I used to wonder if DD (now 8) would ever stop asking for a chocolate button every time she did a poo. She was reliably day trained before 3 but continued to ask for one for months after she was trained.
I used to joke to DH that she’d still be asking for a post-poo chocolate button at High School. Luckily she stopped asking when she realised it was no longer happening. And no, she didn’t go back to pooing herself.

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