Toddler took to loo and then backtracked - advice please!

[Kentishlad]

Hi there,

We've been attempting to have our 2 1/2 year old daughter potty trained for a while now.

We use a Peppa Pig (her favourite character) loo seat and potty - choosing at first to keep both of them in the bathroom to allow her to choose. She would then explore this herself and then we'd give her the choice each bathtime.

At first we had great success in that she was still in nappies but would sit on the loo of her own wish and wee almost on a nightly basis. We even had one time where she asked to sit on the potty and had a poo but this was completely out of the blue and even surprised her. Even if she didn't wee or poo she would at least sit on the loo and be happy to either read a book or sing a song and then we would go through the whole routine of using toilet paper, putting it in the loo, flushing and then washing her hands by herself at the normal basin.

We had a sticker chart which she would fill out even if she just sat on the loo. We tried to do this in stages, first with just sitting on the loo and then phased this into just getting stickers for just having a wee/poo which was fine). She usually understood the reasons for getting a sticker and when she didn't.

We eventually moved the potty out of the bathroom and put it into the living room so that it was an option downstairs (and also because it wasn't being used) and allowed her to explore it herself if she wanted to - we regularly saw her use her toys on it and would ask her if she needed to use it too which she refused. She has always favoured using the loo over a potty. Using the loo worked for about 2-3 months.

About 2 months ago we went on holiday for a long weekend and even though we used her loo seat she didn't want to sit on the loo (we thought this was due to tiredness after a long journey).

Ever since getting home we have had problems even getting her to sit on the loo, trying everything from getting her to read books to singing songs. At this point we are going with the routine of asking her in the morning but also just before bathtime like we used to. Before we take her to the loo we ask her like we always used to but it's immediately met with "I don't want to", usually with tears - we try to encourage her to sit on the loo by placing her there and talking to her throughout which again is met with tears and then after a few minutes of refusal we sometimes get her to calm down and sit there.

Since the holiday she asked about buying some Peppa Pig knickers. We slowly introduced these, first by helping her to dress her toys in them which she enjoyed before encouraging her to wear them herself. At first this went well too but now she again flat-out refuses to wear knickers and wants to wear a nappy. She is usually happy with wearing nothing at all.

We're going to create our own, new chart with large stickers for sitting on the loo, having a wee and having a poo to try to get the separation again but introduce a different reward from the last sticker chart.

In recent weeks we have definitely seen a character change, turning from being happy for us to do some things for her, to an almost complete flip where she wants to do nearly everything independently and only wants small to little involvement from us. The latter nearly always ends up in a meltdown if we refuse.

She has continued to have an interest in the potty/loo and will regularly ask to watch programmes involving her favourite characters using the loo and will role play with her toys using either her potty or other toys like Playmobil and role play that way. We try to reinforce this by asking her if she'd like to try the potty/loo and revisit the conversation when we place her on the loo. We have even discussed her best friend's progress and about how she enjoys using the potty/loo regularly.

It seems frustrating that we seemed to be getting somewhere and now have gone completely backwards, especially as throughout all of this it has been her choice at each stage and she was happy and now for some reason doesn't want to even comfortably sit on the loo.

Thanks in advance!

[GiltEdges]

We had a really similar regression with DS and in the end the only thing that worked was to do away with all the encouragements / rewards / charts and go cold turkey with removing the nappies.

I explained to him for about a week in build up what was going to happen and then the night before I reminded him again that there'd be no more nappies in the morning. The next day he helped me pack all the nappies into a bag and "throw them away", then I put him in pants and that was it.

There were 3 hellish days that followed where he had accident after accident, but then suddenly it clicked and he started asking to be taken to the toilet again. Not had an issue since.

[De88]

Was going to say the same- the stickers/rewards/ character knickers etc just appears to create so much pressure. Take a short break if you need to, but ditto, do away with all the rewards.

Your girl is bright- being over rewarded for something that is just everyday normal doesn't make it relaxed, it paints a picture of a huge thing to be afraid getting wrong. She'll know if she has an accident the peppa pig knickers have to come off. If sticker=good then no wee/poo =bad.

[Kentishlad]

Ok thank you both, that makes a lot of sense!
I think we may leave it for a little while and try again but go with "cold turkey" and not have it based around rewards - it's good to get a different perspective on how rewards could be seen!

How did you both approach nighttime? I assume that you had them in nappies then, or was it a case of pants/knickers at nighttime too?

Thanks again for the tips!

[Reluctantadult]

I was also going to suggest going cold turkey on nappies. Just leave her with nothing at first. And not making too much fuss.

Night time dryness is hormonal though, so I suggest carrying on with a pull up at night until she's consistently dry.

[GiltEdges]

How did you both approach nighttime? I assume that you had them in nappies then, or was it a case of pants/knickers at nighttime too?

Fortunately, DS has been dry at night since he turned 2, so it was never an issue. We do have a waterproof mattress protector on his bed just incase, but it's never been needed. I think if he wasn't dry at night I'd have still used pull ups for night time only, but made sure to remove and take him to the toilet as soon as he woke up.