Stubborn and scared 3 year old boy

[lilahbelle]

Hi all. DS is 3 in a weeks time and I feel like he's the last child in his nursery room who isn't remotely potty trained!

He hides to do a poo in his nappy. Will deny he's doing it. Follows us to the toilet and likes to flush it after us, doesn't seem bothered with having a dirty nappy at all and won't tell us it needs changed.

How do I get him to at least try? He loves his nappy and asks for it, says he's scared of the toilet because "it's wet". Isn't bothered about pants and choosing them himself, reward chart/stickers/sweets haven't worked either. He starts crying if I bring the potty out. I bought a trainer seat for the toilet with handles and steps and got him sitting on it once with his clothes on, but he was tensed the whole time and won't relax!

He needs to be fully trained by August in time for starting Preschool in September as they can't go unless potty trained! I'm also due DC2 around the same time and really really don't want 2 kids in nappies!

What do I do?!? Any advice from anyone in the same situation appreciated 😊

Have you tried just taking the nappies away completely and getting him to help pick some pants? Tell him big boys wear pants and use potty/toilet, try giving that a go? Have you tried reading any books on potty training with him so he gets the idea? Sounds tricky.

Also try to take any pressure off so don't force him to sit on the seat or whatever, don't make a big deal of it, just tell him what to do like "big boys use the potty" and see what happens ?

Stop putting him in nappies in the day (only night ones). He might not mind a spiked nappy but pants is different. Read Jo Frost

I haven't tried taking the nappies away completely because what happens if he just won't do it even then? I can't bring the nappies back can I?

He's picked his own pants and there's loads in his drawer and I've tried the whole "big boys wear pants, babies wear nappies" thing with him but he just says he wants to be a baby and wear a nappy. I've spoken to nursery and they said he just isn't ready yet and that he's fine to still be in nappies at his age, but I'm getting more worried about it now he's almost 3.

My son is similar so commenting for ideas too.

I'vee read loads of books with him and I think he gets the idea.. but is nervous and refuses to sit on potty/toilet and asks for a nappy. I'm thinking we might just run out of nappies one day soon? Or maybe I'll buy training pants.

I was thinking of running out for a day and if it really doesn't work/gets distressed then could bring back the nappies?

I’ve just started potty training my almost 3 year old. He wasn’t keen to try AT ALL but I’m sure he’s physically able. 3 days in and we’re making ok progress and he’s feeling really proud of himself. I’d leave the potty out, make no big deal about it for while then just jump in when you’ve got a good few days to spend around the house.

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@lilahbelle

I haven't tried taking the nappies away completely because what happens if he just won't do it even then? I can't bring the nappies back can I?

He's picked his own pants and there's loads in his drawer and I've tried the whole "big boys wear pants, babies wear nappies" thing with him but he just says he wants to be a baby and wear a nappy. I've spoken to nursery and they said he just isn't ready yet and that he's fine to still be in nappies at his age, but I'm getting more worried about it now he's almost 3.

No, you can't bring the nappies back - that's the whole point! They're not an option. You have to be persistent. He's not going to do it on his own. There will be lots of accidents but you need to just do it. If you keep putting him in nappies, he'll keep pooing in his nappies.

The issue is we both work and he's in nursery 3 days a week, so I don't normally have longer than a weekend to try potty training at any time. Currently we're isolating with covid (in NI so still have to isolate) and neither of us are sick with it so thought we might as well give it another go.

I've managed to convince him in the last hour to put pants on under his nappy, so I'm hoping that will let him get used to the feeling of being wet and not like it?

Just forget about it for a few weeks first off. Don’t mention it. Let him forget the negative connotations.

Then maybe try the Oh Crap method? The book is quite annoying but it does work.

It’s not unusual to still be in nappies at his age. DS was. We potty trained him in a week when he was 3 and 3 months.

It’s great weather and summer is coming! Good weather is the perfect time to potty train. What works really well is having no bottoms on st all at home, not even pants. If you’re able to, pick a week to stay home and have him bottomless in the daytime. If he has to go out, do pants and take a potty (or potette).

Also, talk to him about what poo is and how it is old food that his body doesn’t need. Some parents forget to tell the child what it is and it can freak them out.

He’ll get the hang over summer. BUT children usually relapse and start having accidents when there’s a stressful event such as starting preschool or a new baby. You have both coinciding. So do expect him to have many accidents in Sept.

OP - DH and I both work full time and we just did cold turkey this weekend with DS, who's 2.5. He had a day off nursery on Friday, so I took a day off work and we swapper him into "big boy underwear". Yes, there were accident, but they actually helped, because he realized it was uncomfortable and that incentivized him to go in the potty.

It's been almost a week now and he's been dry every day - he still has a pull up for naps and a nappy at night, but other than that it's all underwear.

I took all his remaining nappies to a dropoff site for Ukraine, so there was no going back. Honestly, I thought it would be terrible, but it was really fine.

My son is almost 3 and used to hide to poo. Now we've just managed 9 days with all poos in the toilet (except 1), wees are a different matter which is proving slightly harder. We've basically made it sound like the most amazing thing ever to have a poo on the toilet (think childrens TV presenters talking/prancing around 🤣). The thing that seemed to help him was me telling him what to say when he needed to go. He's always had good speech but giving him this tool seemed to make something click for him. Weve been on holiday for this time which has probably made it a bit easier as we've had more time to focus on him so I'm hoping when we are back to normal and daycare, this continues! Good luck!!

Some great advice, thank you!

Plenty to try. Nursery also said it's easier when the weather is nice so we'll have to make a concerted effort to do this over the summer!

He took to everything else really easily, weaning etc and dropped his bottles literally overnight of his own accord when he was 11 months old so I think I was expecting him to take to potty training in much the same way and it just stumped me a bit that he hasn't.

I'd take the pressure off completely - sounds like you're both getting anxious, try to not worry, he will do it eventually.

I look after my GS a few times a week and when he was that age I had a potty in the room for him to access, but he just wasn't interested. Then one day he randomly went over to it on his own and done a wee. I thought he must've been using the potty at home, because he used it that day like it was perfectly natural and he'd been doing it for ages- when my DD collected him I was like 'aw ya didn't say he was using the potty!' and she couldn't believe it - that was his first time

We had put the Cocomelon potty song on repeat as a light brainwashing tool on the weeks leading up to that day so maybe try that if your nerves can stand it! It's on YouTube.

Your reasons for wanting him to be out of nappies are completely valid but totally irrelevant to your little boy - they learn in their own time.

We did Oh Crap. It works.

It's different from what you have tried because instead of starting by sitting on the potty and trying to wee (they don't know how), you start by spotting when they wee (or are about to) and sitting them on the potty.

You need several days to commit to it (3 with dd, 12 with DS....!)

I tend to try it for a day and if he's getting really distressed by it I take a step back and don't mention it for a few weeks.

There's been a potty in the living room for probably 9 months now and he just completely ignores it

Yea my little girl has been like this for months!
Took all nappies away apart from bed time last week! And she's doing fab! A few accidents at the beginning, didn't like her pants being wet etc! Past 2 days she's had no accidents and been dry overnight for 3 nights! I agree with biting the bullet and removing nappies! Wish we done it a while ago!

Well I bit the bullet and took his nappies away yesterday! Wasn't too successful, sat on the potty but didn't do anything, and peed on the floor a few times. Today has been better, a few accidents this morning but this afternoon he was able to tell me he had started to go and we got him on the potty to finish it, then at one point I went upstairs and when I came down he pointed to the potty and there was a massive wee in it!

Lots of praise and the odd sweet seems to work for him so hopefully this continues 🤞🏻