3 year old toilet training. Help!

[CP2701]

So my little girl was 3 last month. She's such a bright wee button but we just cannot crack the potty training. I've tried a couple of times before and had decided she wasn't quite ready.

So this time, I decided this is it. We are going to keep pants on, until she's cracked it. Well, it's been a week and we have had one pee in the toilet and all others on the floor.

I thought after a few accidents she would maybe know what she was looking for and try get to the toilet. She doesn't, she refuses to sit on the potty or the toilet most of the time. And then just pees herself. I'm not sure what to try next. I've tried bribing with sweets etc to no avail!

What is worrying me, is that she is now but peeing for hours and hours. I'm worried she's holding it in although I wouldn't have thought it would have been possible for that length of time at that age!

She pees once or twice in a 12 hour period. That's all. It concerns me because her nappy would usually be wet during these times a lot more than that.

So what's going on here?!what should I do now? 😔 I feel like I'm completely failing.

[Duracellbunnywannabe]

She has bladder control but doesn’t want to wee in the potty. Read the oh crap book.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Oh crap method- best book ever, commit and give it a try, no turning back no mixed messages

[MaggieMooh]

I had this problem with my son. The problem was, in the past he had always waited until it just happened. He didn’t know how to let it go voluntarily. So he was holding it and still holding it even when sitting on the loo, until it just happened all over the floor. I had to sit him on the loo with the iPad for distraction, the first time we sat there for nearly an hour until he managed to go. And we kept doing that until he learned how to release his muscles and go voluntarily.

[CP2701]

She just won't sit for any length of time. The one pee she's managed in the toilet, it's because she was sitting on it for absolutely ages. Haven't managed it again as she hardly does any during the day at all so it's so hard to catch them! I've tried running the tap in the bathroom and everything! Still nothing!

[Cotswoldmama]

Give it a break for a few months and try again. Both my boys had just turned 3.5 when they started using the toilet and we had hardly any accidents. It shouldn't be really hard.

[mahrezzy]

She’s telling you she’s not ready.

[Dontfuckingsaycheese]

You need to wait till she’s ready. Not you. I bet in a few months, with no pressure, she’ll start showing an interest. Then it’ll be child’s play 😉

[PiratePetespajamas]

another vote for the oh crap it’s potty training book. Your instinct to crack on now is right. She has all the answers to these issues and it’s fun and sympathetic to read too. As well as stern about just getting on.

[ThirdElephant]

Get a large plastic cup for her to pee in standing up?

I also think the Oh Crap book is a decent place to start, though I don't agree with everything it says.

[welshladywhois40]

I actually waited till my son was 3 and half before training as he showed no signs of being ready. So don't feel bad about waiting if it isn't working.

We followed the oh crap book. Ignore the first chapter guilting you for starting late - we know our children.

I locked my son in the kitchen/hall way with the potty for 4 days and kept him naked waist down. Sticker chart for each time he sat on the potty and he sat on the potty every 30 min with Alexa sounding a timer.

We also didn't put pants on for the first 3 weeks per the book so he wasn't confused thinking it's a nappy.

[DropYourSword]

I just don't think she's ready.

[girafferafferaffe]

There were 2 books we read to dd that she loved (and still loves). Princess and the potty and meekoo and the big red potty. Both with noise buttons. She loved them and they made a massive difference.
We also had a chart and when she got to x number of wees (1 sticker for wee, 2 for poo) she could then pick a toy from the basket of pound shop treats we'd put together.

[CP2701]

I have decided I'm going to put her back in a nappy for a few days and take a break. I understand that a lot of people will disagree with this but I feel I have to.

She's holding it in for a hell of a long time and I'm worried it's having a really bad effect on her. She has hardly peed in days. Even now, she has a nappy on for her (it's almost 1am) and she's bone dry. She has not peed since 10am this morning.

I feel so upset as I feel like she's not able to relax and let it go. I feel like I've stressed her out, I'm sitting here so upset right now. It's like she's lost the ability to do the toilet gradually over the week we have been toilet training. I feel like she's really tense and she's going to end up hurting herself.

Yesterday, she peed once in 24 hours. In her nappy during the night.

I suppose I just need to vent. I am feeling super guilty right now and like a terrible mother.
I shouldn't have bowed down to all these people who ask me if she's toilet trained yet or told me to go hardcore a few days and it will all be done. My wee girl is so stressed and anxious about it, I honestly don't know what to do.

Hoping some people have had similar experiences and can reassure me that she'll be OK.

Thanks for reading this is you managed all the way to the end!

[CP2701]

She also hasn't done a number 2 in a couple of days and she's usually regular as clockwork, once a day.

[Hytheroad]

CP2701 - I completely understand. It sounds like your DD is exactly like my DS who is about to turn 3.5. He is bright, very articulate and totally gets what the toilet is all about - but just says he doesn’t want to! He will hold everything and get constipated if we put him in pants - but in pull ups he just wees and poos and denies he needs to go.

We have done everything ppl suggest - different potties, toilet seats, pants, training pants, books, stickers, treats, a big treat for collecting stickers, praise! You name it - we have done it! Even our new DS2 arriving didn’t prompt him to want to be grown up. Maybe even the opposite effect!

He can hold his wee, he hides when he poos - so we know he is ready - he just won’t do it. Annoyingly he asked (apparently) to do a wee at my Mums last week - so we though yay! He is ready let’s start again and here we are … again… a week later either no further success and an adamant toddler who won’t sit on the loo!

I also wish I had never listened to people saying - he understands so I should train him. Biggest mistake I have made as a parent and I worry as well about what my mistakes will mean for him.

I am wondering now about just making him wear pants not pull ups. But I can’t bear the thought of causing him distress - but what can we do?!?

I guess what I am saying is - you aren’t alone. Not sure there is an answer to this - just hoping in time he will change his mind. Wishing you lots of luck and the fact that you worry means you are a great mummy who really cares!!