Have we fucked up here?

[SickAndTiredAgain]

DD is 2.5 and we’re potty training her. A few months ago the nursery suggested to us she was ready so we tried over a few weekends but she didn’t get it at all so we left it. After Christmas the nursery said that her friend was also potty training so would we like them to try her as well because maybe she’d be encouraged if the friend was doing it. That has worked really well, she doesn’t wear a nappy at nursery except for naps and frequently does wees in the potty and now mainly on the toilet. She never has accidents.
However, at home, she will not wee in the potty or on the toilet. She won’t have accidents, she will just go from the morning when we take the nappy off to her nap, and then wake up from her nap with a really full nappy, and then go all afternoon until a nappy goes on for bedtime. She gets very upset if we try to put the nappy back on. She drinks plenty of water and clearly has bladder control but I worry about her holding it for hours without weeing? She never seems uncomfortable, will run around perfectly happily all day, but does occasionally ask for the potty fairly urgently, rush over to it, pull her trousers and knickers down. Then just get up again after 10 seconds saying “done!” but she hasn’t done anything. Are we doing this wrong? Is it really bad for her to holding it for that long? Should we be forcing her back into the nappy? She has the potty readily available and will sit on it frequently throughout the day, and is able to pull her trousers up and down herself. Should we be insisting she sits on it for longer/more often?
I have double checked with the nursery that she isn’t doing this there, and they said no, she is 100% definitely actually weeing regularly at nursery.

For poos, even before potty training, she went once a day, in the morning very soon after waking so that has just continued in a nappy. So that feels like something to deal with once the weeing in the potty is sorted?

Is this ok? Or should we be putting her back in a nappy to make sure she wees more regularly?

My own DD did this for the first few days. The old cliche of getting chocolate buttons for doing a pee in the potty worked - and I used a box of raisins as a bribe to get her sitting on the potty and waiting till the pee came (they take ages to eat!) Could you try something similar? Dolls doing pees in the potty too and getting huge praise for it? Get her to drink loads of fluid for a few days at home to make sure she can't hold on until nappy - apple juice or something that she likes and is better than the usual boring water!

I agree, bribery and lots of juice or milk or whatever she’s likely to want to drink lots of. Maybe she could watch something while sitting on the potty to encourage her to sit for a while.
I wouldn’t force her into a nappy now. I’d just keep going.

We have literally just come out of the other side of this! My DD got it perfectly at nursery after a week or two but it was a real mixed bag at home/out and about. She could also hold her wee for hours and hours. The thing I think helped was having a potty in practically every room in the house and never mentioning using it or suggesting she went for a wee. Eventually she started quietly taking herself off to her potty. We rewarded with stickers. Poos took longer, probably another 2-3 weeks before she'd use the potty. I think it feels weird to them? We really had to up the bribe to chocolate buttons plus stickers plus Bluey on the phone while she was doing the poo itself. I think just try not to put pressure on her (I think I failed at this, I found it incredibly stressful and don't think I hid it that well), appreciate that it might take another few weeks and ignore everyone who said their child potty trained in 2 days at 18 months.

I know this will sound counter productive as she is only weeing when you put nappies off, but I think it could possibly help stopping her wearing nappies at all. It may be confusing her by having a nappy put on but you expect her to wee in the toilet, she could even be waiting for the nappy to go back on to then wee? Maybe try telling her you trust her to go in the toilet and to tell you when she needs the toilet and just keep nappies off (apart from bedtime), for naps you could lay a towel under her. I read the gentle potty training book and she talks a bit about this and how it can be confusing putting a nappy back on and how it tells them you don't trust them not to have an accident.
I hope this may help you, it really is a minefield isn't it 😩

*put nappies on