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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Help! Nearly 4 year old still having accidents

16 replies

Wifey99 · 02/01/2022 22:27

My daughter is 4 in May and still having poo accidents every few weeks, I keep thinking she’s mastered it and then we have 3 or 4 days of little accidents. She’s our second and I’m sure her brother was daytime potty trained by this age and I just don’t know what to do. My partner and I are both so fed up with it now that we’re finding it hard to keep calm and not shout and get upset. She just doesn’t seem to notice she’s done it either so when she goes for a wee she ends up in a mess. We started potty training before she was 3 so it’s been a long time now too.
Just don’t know where to go from here. It seems to have gotten worse over Christmas holidays.

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SantaMonicaPier · 02/01/2022 22:34

My DC wasn't dry consistently until after she started school. It was wee rather than poo though. She was in nappies at night for even longer. DC2 was dry day and night at two. One nursery worker said she had seen this before and the kids who were well ahead in other areas e.g. verbally and emotionally intelligent were often longer in nappies, as they couldn't hit all milestones at the same time. We just had to be patient.

Phoenix76 · 02/01/2022 23:33

My dd2 was nearly 5 before she mastered it. As @SantaMonicaPier says, they all “get it” at different times and usually within normal development. I completely understand how frustrating it is but please try very hard, you and your dh, not to shame her (I.e shout, get upset etc) as that can cause much bigger issues down the line. Trust that she will get there. It’s worse over Christmas as she’s aware of all the excitement and change of routines. Turns out dd2 learnt to read and write quicker than dd1 who was amazing at other things, all different 😊

jannier · 03/01/2022 20:03

Is you lo constipated or having times when she finds it hard to go? It can mean you feel you need to go but nothing happens so they start to ignore it, they can hold it as going is painful or get overflow and leak not knowing they are going.
Similarly if diet changes like at Christmas it can cause a change in the bowel causing accidents.

User48751490 · 04/01/2022 13:02

My youngest is 4y4m and still not getting no2s. Still soiling his pants. I just calmly take him to the toilet and say poo goes into the toilet next time, clean him up, then move on. Shouting won't help. I trust he will get hang of it eventually. Starts school in August 😬

CurtainTroubles · 04/01/2022 13:26

This reply has been deleted

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jannier · 04/01/2022 14:42

Id also remember that your lo isn't nearly 4 she's just over 3 and a half many children are only just starting the journey at this age. If you get upset and stress your only going to give her anxiety and make things worse.

ClawedButler · 04/01/2022 14:46

This isn't late, it's well within the bounds of totally normal development.

There's a hormone that kicks in that helps with bladder and bowel control, I believe, and no amount of training, shouting, bribery etc. will hurry that along. It will just happen when it happens. Please remember that she is not doing this on purpose. And there are still months and months to go before school starts, it might not be an issue by then. In the meantime, pull-ups, patience and a pat on the back whenever she gets it right.

Original poster

Wifey99 · 04/01/2022 16:18

Thanks all. We’ve tried to keep calmer the past few days, I think I’d just reached my limit that day. Yesterday she managed a proper poo and we praised/rewarded her but hours later she still had a little accident like usual.
It’s just so hard not to compare her with her brother at this age and some days I’m just at the end of my tether cleaning pants galore!

OP posts:

elfycat · 04/01/2022 16:29

DD2 was the same at 4. With her I felt it was her ignoring signals from her body until it was too late (now at 11 she will still bolt for the toilet at the last minute).

I gave her a little bag with 10 x 1p in it. For every successful poo in the loo she got 1p if we were at home and 2p if we were out, as we'd need a moment to locate one and get there. For every accident we'd take 1p to pay for the laundering/replacement of underwear.

This started at Xmas as one pair of new 'favourite character' knickers needed to be binned on Boxing Day with lots of wailing from DD2.

There was one accident not including an early one when we were stuck in traffic after this. The money was a game, but DD2 has always been fairly motivated by money. Is it worth 'incentivising' toilet trips to see if it is an attention thing?

DD2, at 4, did learn to flush an empty toilet to con me out out of pennies. We had a big talk on honesty and I managed to hide my amusement

Original poster

Wifey99 · 05/01/2022 14:23

Ugh it’s got worse. She managed a poo earlier and within an hour she’d messed herself again. Think I need to call the doctors or HV

OP posts:

Footnote · 05/01/2022 14:26

It sounds like she’s very constipated and the little accidents are overflow. You probably need medication to help with getting it sorted out. We are having a similar problem and are rewarding sitting on the toilet for 5 minutes with a smartie, two for a poo. No accidents for two weeks.

Footnote · 05/01/2022 14:27

Btw, if it’s overflow she can’t control it at all so no amount of training will help.

INeedNewShoes · 05/01/2022 14:31

The fact that she's doing a poo in the toilet and then so soon afterwards having an accident suggests that something is irritating her and creating urgency.

DD is very mildly allergic to dairy and egg and exposure to these have this effect. Gladly she now makes it to the toilet (she's 4.5) but I think you might need to see your DD's frequency as a something that merits a trip to the GP.

Christmas has also played havoc as we were staying with relatives and she had quite a bit more sugar than usual which seems to have this effect.

TooMuchPaper · 05/01/2022 14:32

Google encopresis.

Elieza · 05/01/2022 14:52

You might need some movicol or something to get her going regularly if she’s getting bunged up and two days worth of waste comes out in a short space of time and catching her out.

Or start sitting her on the loo about half an hour after the first visit for about half an hour or however long is practical in the hope the next lot will come out while there.

What’s her diet like? Have you noticed what makes her soft? Like oranges or something else perhaps fruit or veg? You could give her more of that for a few days to see if it makes it easier for her to empty her bowel in one sitting?

jannier · 05/01/2022 15:49

@Wifey99

Ugh it’s got worse. She managed a poo earlier and within an hour she’d messed herself again. Think I need to call the doctors or HV

Hopefully te fact she's managed a pooh will help her confidence in trying which will help any constipation. It does sound like overflow or the second bit was held behind id avoid eggs and bananas if she eats them and give apples, pears, oranges and prunes for a few days to see if it sorts its self....you may get accidents until it does. If that dosent help do a food diary and pooh chart ...including consistency to take to hv or gp.

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