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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Child potty trained but will only go on one loo

32 replies

Prettyhorrified · 02/01/2022 16:01

Open to all advice as it’s been a year. My son is 3 and very bright - he potty trained a year ago within 2 days. No accidents and no problems; just wanted to do it and asked and that was it. After a couple of weeks we removed the potties snd transitioned to the loo with the small seat insert and step. We have 4 toilets in our house. He will only use my pink one, upstairs. That’s it. If we go out he holds it all day. If he goes to nursery he holds it all morning. There is nothing in a year that will convince him to use another loo than mine. He obviously won’t put a nappy on so when we have gone on holiday he either holds it until he poos himself or just poos/wees when he gets into the bath. I really, really don’t know what we are supposed to do about this. I’ve tried telling him my loo was broken. He caved eventually and used another one in the house. Once. Then he had an absolute meltdown and refused to go again and was screaming/holding it all day and was clearly in discomfort so I had to give in and let him back on my one.

Will he just grow out of it?! His reason is just that he likes my bathroom and that’s it! But I feel so sorry for him holding it in all day and it’s really stressful when we go on holiday! I’m also dreading him starting school next September as he surely can’t hold it every day all day.

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Bwix · 02/01/2022 16:03

I sympathise: I had all sorts of shenanigans when I was toilet training my three. I recommend bribery. Also getting dc to sit on toilet for 10 minutes after meals (if necessary amusing himself by watching something on a tablet or blowing bubbles).

Original poster

Prettyhorrified · 02/01/2022 16:07

@bwix

I have tried bribery of every sort (glad it’s not just me who uses it). Shameless bribery. I’ve offered him everything and anything but still the mantra is “only mummy’s loo”. That’s it. Going on my loo isn’t an issue - he skips off there happily anytime he needs to go within proximity. He won’t even sit on another loo. Not with the same seat, not with the same step. Not with 10 Percy pigs or chocolate buttons. Not at nursery when all his friends go! I’m demented

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CottonSock · 02/01/2022 16:10

Could your toilet get 'broken'. I think you would already know if this was likely to be successful though.

vodkaginwine · 02/01/2022 16:11

Oh this could have described my then 3/4 year old. She was terrified of other toilets. Irrationally that she would fall into them. She does have sensory issues alongside this, but what worked for us was buying a small portable pink toilet seat and taking it everywhere. We had one for home and an identical one to take out. She even used it at nursery for a few months and then at 4.5 years old, decided she wasn’t scared of the school one any more, and after a few more months would accept public toilets (but not hand driers)

Original poster

Prettyhorrified · 02/01/2022 16:13

@vodkaginwine
Thank you for reassuring me it’s not just my child! We have the portable small loo seat (for each loo in the house, no less) and have taken it and the step on holiday (and let me tell you they take up a lot of suitcase space to just get ignored). Doesn’t work.

@CottonSock ditto “my loo is broken”. I mention in my post we tried this idea, which his teacher suggested and which I think is genius. It just resulted in tantrums and holding it in.

Btw thank you for all suggestions please keep them coming

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Original poster

Prettyhorrified · 02/01/2022 16:13

@vodkaginwine

Interestingly my DS also hates hand dryers and this is part of why he won’t even go into public loos with me when I need to go

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Bwix · 02/01/2022 16:30

Withholding can become a real problem. Dc can’t withhold wee effectively but they can develop awful problems with constipation when they withhold poo. (Sigh. That was a difficult four years…) if you look in children’s health you will find oodles of threads on this, but apart from bribery (we started with chocolate buttons too, but went on to have a box full of “poo prizes” - little animal figures, bouncy balls, toy cars 😂) I am all out of ideas.

Original poster

Prettyhorrified · 02/01/2022 16:49

I just sort of thought after a year he would have grown out of it; he's just so stubborn!

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Snowiscold · 02/01/2022 17:00

Could he try taking something with him to the loo, a comfort object? A small toy or book? Anything to make him relax and not be stressed, so the emphasis isn’t on the loo per se?

Neighneigh · 02/01/2022 17:13

I've just asked my 11 yo about when he was exactly like this. He was fine with wees but wouldn't pooh anywhere except home for a long time. He says its because he felt all the other loos looked dirty, and there was pressure at school to be quick so he just didn't go. We were on holiday for his 3rd birthday and he made himself ill by not poohing for days - we finally persuaded him when I made a sign saying the name of our street at home and we made a big deal of pretending to be home. Crazy.

I'm really not sure there's much you can do except be aware that he'll need to go at home before you go anywhere and straight to the loo when you get home! It is tricky but they do grow out of it

Original poster

Prettyhorrified · 02/01/2022 17:26

@Neighneigh

Thank you so much for asking your son! We are supposed to go away next week (covid depending) and so far the only suggestions I’ve come up with to try (with DS agreement) are to somehow make the hotel bathroom pink. I’m thinking of trying to blutack some pink paper to the wall maybe a photo print out of my bathroom or the loo. Your post has given me hope that that might actually work. Can also pretend to be home and make a street sign! Thank you.

God I hope it works. We have just come home from staying somewhere else for 2 nights and he refused to go there Which is why I am trying to come up with ideas (desperately) for next week.

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Original poster

Prettyhorrified · 02/01/2022 17:27

@Snowiscold

Thank you for the suggestion - I will run past him and see if he can think of anything he might like to take.

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LeeHarper5 · 02/01/2022 17:43

My son was like this when first toilet trained until we let him take an iPad as a distraction. He still has a ‘favourite’ loo but can now use the others in the house too.
If we went anywhere I had to take his porta potty for him to use in the back of the car. This continued until he was 5 then he finally began using public toilets but it made going anywhere so stressful. He is now in year 3 and has only ever once used the school toilet. He holds until he gets home, which makes for an interesting drive home everyday. He’s also terrified of the hand dryer noise and dries his hands on his jumper rather than use the dryer.

Original poster

Prettyhorrified · 02/01/2022 17:46

@LeeHarper5

The iPad also doesn’t work, sadly. We have never used a porta potty snd I think it would be a backwards step now to introduce after a year of no potties. I am extremely interested in the link between hating hand dryers snd the loo thing though, as we have the issue and a previous poster too!

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Original poster

Prettyhorrified · 02/01/2022 17:49

@LeeHarper5

It does make me feel better about your son holding it all day but it must be really awful to know he is desperate when you pick him up. We are supposed to start swimming after nursery pick up which I’m dreading as I can’t see how he will manage that having not weed all day without weeing in the shower or the pool or something!

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Porfre · 02/01/2022 17:50

The only thing I can think of is using a portable toilet seat.
So when he sits on the toilet you put it on. But he has to use it on the toilet he normally uses and then once hes used to it. Try it on the other toilets in the house. But buy more to use on the other toilets.

The other options is you've said this is a pink toilet?

Decorating the other toilets so that they look the same. So same toilet/ hand basin etc to see if this help. Or get pink toilets for all the toilets.

Porfre · 02/01/2022 17:54

You said you've got a portable toilet seat. Does he use it on the toilet he likes to use when he is at home?

Original poster

Prettyhorrified · 02/01/2022 18:06

@Porfre

Yes - he uses the portable seat on the loo at home. We have one for every loo and we take it with us but he will still only go on my loo. Also the toilet is white but the room is painted pink (sorry for being unclear).

We are actually redecorating in a few months and swapping the room colour for blue and another bathroom for pink so that might also help things as he might swap bathrooms/still use it if blue. Or it will make it worse.

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dancemom · 02/01/2022 18:18

Will he sit on the other toilets? Get him blowing up a balloon or blowing bubbles, it makes them go

Original poster

Prettyhorrified · 02/01/2022 18:26

@dancemom

No - the whole problem is he won’t even sit on another loo. He flat out refuses!

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MamaWeasel · 02/01/2022 18:32

Could you make signs for the doors in your house, Mummy's Toilet......and be seen to be using ones other than the pink one......would that help?

Original poster

Prettyhorrified · 02/01/2022 18:38

@MamaWeasel

Absolutely worth a try! Thank you! Have fished out a small toy he likes to start accompanying to my loo as a “bathroom buddy” he can get used to this week so it could help next week. Thank you so much for all suggestions so far

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LeeHarper5 · 02/01/2022 19:13

@Prettyhorrified

I must admit it’s a nuisance him not going at school because it means we always have to head straight home.
His reception teacher decorated one toilet cubicle with pictures of his favourite cartoon characters. It encouraged him to go in and sit down but he still didn’t ‘go’. Fortunately he’s never had any accidents due to holding and it hasn’t caused him any constipation issues.

vodkaginwine · 02/01/2022 19:25

@Prettyhorrified everything you say describes my daughter at that age. We have a white seat, and she was terrified of any other seat out and about and at school that wasn’t white. We spent a lot of time to start with just using the potty in the bathroom, me using the loo at the same time as her, showing it was ok. We used the portable seat on top of the lid first, to get used to how it felt etc. Going out was awful, we had to use pull ups. She started school nursery at nearly 4 in a pull up as she was terrified of the little toilets as they had a black seat. We had a foldable seat which she started to use after about half a term, then it was a whole term before she decided she didn’t need it for school. She was 4.5 at this point. Public toilets still an issue, bizarrely until we started using the disabled toilet (she has sensory issues with hand driers so imo meets the criteria for it and is now waiting an autism assessment at 9). We would put the foldable seat on the seat, make sure it didn’t move etc, then even just hover over it, this took months. At around 5.5 she would use it without the seat but even now hates the hand driers and freaks out. I would say he’s probably not being stubborn but is genuinely fearful plus sensory overload -people, water running, driers, flushing sounds, what if he falls in etc. I would try the disabled ones and just take your time. We used something like this, it’s quite compact.

Child potty trained but will only go on one loo

Heartofglass12345 · 03/01/2022 01:43

Does he appear to have any other sensory issues at all? That was my first thought as there might be something about that toilet in particular that he likes, or that he dislikes about the other toilets. It's hard when he's so young as he probably can't tell you. Good luck!

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