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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

3.5 year old no where near ready!

25 replies

Mokoloko · 21/12/2021 21:37

Hi all,

Our 3.5 year old son is quite literally no where near ready and a tad concerned considering he will be in school In 9 months time!!
Bit if background-he has been later than most with his milestones, didn't sit unaided literally until his 1 year review, didn't crawl until his first birthday (army crawl, proper crawling past 1.5 years) didn't walk until nearly 2 and didn't start speaking much until he hit 3 years old.
We have a seat for the toilet, 2x basic plastic potty's plus a "toilet" potty.
We have done the books, reward charts, picking cool big boy pants and he did start wearing them for a couple of days and was sitting very happily on the toilet potty and the proper toilet with his seat. He tried (or just didn't understand how) to go to the toilet constantly for 2 days and then obviously got bored of nothing happening and wetting/soiling his pants and he wanted his nappies back. He has never done anything in his potty. He wanted to wear his pants last night and was very proud looking in the mirror until he did a number 2 and was very sad he soiled his pants.
Our next one is Christmas- we have told him "Santa will take your nappies to give to the babies and leave you presents"
Highly doubt it will work but worth a try.
Any advice!?

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Fallagain · 21/12/2021 21:40

I wouldn’t potty train over Christmas. You need to be able to put time aside for both of you to focus on it. There is too much excitement and distractions at Christmas.

Teach him the difference between wet and dry hand and how to many his clothes and read the oh crap book but don’t get caught up on her age obsession.

Shmithecat2 · 21/12/2021 21:42

9 mo is a long time OP. When they are ready, it will literally take a few days. It shouldn't be stressful for anyone. Just don't worry. He'll get there in his own time.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/12/2021 21:43

Oh crap method, main rules:
Consistency- once you give up nappies no going back (mixed messages)
Don’t ask if he needs the loo, tell him when to try and look out for cues
No outlandish rewards, no telling off accidents- too much pressure- just a good well done

NannyR · 21/12/2021 21:46

I think that it's a good idea to say that once you commit to training, nappies are no longer an option (except for sleep), so I would get rid of them out of the house, apart from a few in the pj drawer.

Original poster

Mokoloko · 21/12/2021 21:48

Thanks everyone
Perhaps not Christmas weekend then and start on Monday? Fairly quiet from Monday onwards.
Shall I completely take the nappies out the equation still and leave pants off him for the first couple of days?

OP posts:

Original poster

Mokoloko · 21/12/2021 21:49

Forgot to say he has been dry over night for months. He wore his pants a couple of nights before and was still completely dry ! So we know his body is ready it's just his stubbornness not wanting to he says his nappies are lovely 😂

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OppsUpsSide · 21/12/2021 21:51

Having been a teacher in Reception class - if he’s not ready, give him a break. Try again if he shows interest/at Easter/in the summer. You’re better off waiting until he is ready than making it into a thing. The worst thing I ever dealt with was a poor child with chronic constipation and hospital interventions, that was upsetting not because of the accidents but because of pain and behavioural issues it caused them.
Children achieve things at different times, if your DS isn’t ready yet, that’s ok. He will get there.

Original poster

Mokoloko · 21/12/2021 21:54

@OppsUpsSide
That's reassuring- my eldest actually had withholding issues which caused chronic constipation for months when he was 3-4 so I know how upsetting it is :( thank you though it's a relief that not all children are completely ready by the time they're in reception!

OP posts:

RoseMartha · 21/12/2021 21:56

I would give it a break until the weather warms up say Easter and try again.

One of my daughters was not dry until a month before she started school. I was concerned she would still be in nappies.

You have time. Take a breath and a breather before you try again.

Haggisfish3 · 21/12/2021 22:00

My son was four. Poo often takes longer than wees. I would leave it until it’s warmer and drier weather.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/12/2021 22:16

Your child is ready- he just thinks nappies are an option. Yet potty training can be awful, some kids are more stubborn than others but a 3.5yr old- without any SEN- is ready.
I get why you want to try over Xmas, you’re at home anyway so it’s easier.

oKoK65 · 21/12/2021 22:22

There's a lot of pressure to be done by a certain age but actually it's when the body's ready and the brain connects. It's great he's dry at night it shows some control. I would wait till you have a quiet few week then go cold turkey. Encourage him to ask but actually take him lots too. Lots of praise no chastising and rewards for success. If he doesn't succeed leave it a few months and try again. Books stickers etc are all great too. Try not to overthink it he will get there.

Original poster

Mokoloko · 22/12/2021 07:01

Thank you all so much

OP posts:

ThirdElephant · 22/12/2021 07:07

Make it warm, stay home, let him be nude from the waist down and learn his tells- there are things he'll do before peeing and if you spot them either stick him on the potty or catch it in a big plastic cup.

My only other suggestion would be buying one of those urinal style potties- there is a little spinning thing they aim their pee at to get it to move- might be more interesting for him.

ThirdElephant · 22/12/2021 07:17

Oh, and the next step after totally nude is commando- in the early stages of training you've got a couple of seconds of lead time from noticing he's about to pee to him peeing, so pants and trousers just sets you up for failure. Also, pants and nappies feel the same. First nude (a few days) then commando (a few of weeks/couple of months depending on how you do), then you can do pants and trousers as a combo. And never go back to nappies because you're training them to get out of the ingrained habit of peeing when wearing clothes.

Gunpowder · 22/12/2021 07:20

I’d wait till the Easter holidays too. IME once they are ready it usually only takes a couple of days.

Original poster

Mokoloko · 22/12/2021 07:27

Thank you I will definitely wait until Easter now I think- would explain the accidents in pants constantly if it feels like a nappy! My eldest was trained in 3 days and he literally led the way when he turned 3 so I keep comparing and I know I shouldn't! I knew this little one was going to be tough to toilet train said it from when he was a few months old to stubborn like his dad 😂

OP posts:

hidetheicicles · 22/12/2021 07:27

No advice here as my 3y3m old is exactly the same (but definitely not dry overnight) and we’re also looking at trying again at Christmas. I love the kid but he doesn’t get it at all. We both work full time and there’s not really such thing as a stretch of time at home to focus on it, my last period of annual leave I ended up being poorly so had to still send him to childcare. Thank you everyone for all these tips!

DropYourSword · 22/12/2021 07:28

I second a previous poster. It doesn’t sound like he’s ready (they have to be ready both physically and mentally). Like they said, 9 months is a long time! It only takes days if you wait until they’re ready, and there’s no tears, tantrums, bribes or reward charts.
No NT child is still in nappies at 16 - they DO learn!

SleighbellsZ · 22/12/2021 07:30

My DS is also 3 and no where near ready. I'm not entertaining it until signs are shown.

Relax about it op, as others, 9 months is longer than you think. Once they get it, they get it.

lololololollll · 22/12/2021 07:35

It's different for everyone. Some preach about no rewards but I used a sticker chart and that worked amazingly. Dry in 2 days so there's no hard and fast rule on ANY of this

MondeoFan · 22/12/2021 07:42

I think given his milestones previously he will be later to potty train.
I work with children and in my experience boys are normally much later to potty train than girls.
In my workplace we've had them as late at 4 and 10 months potty training if they are 5 in September.
Also if they are forced before they are ready they can regress later on.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 22/12/2021 07:45

Ds was about the same age ,we did it slowly as I couldn't stand all the extra washing .

*As soon as we got up it was sit on the loo "just to try."

*Every hour throughout the day we would pop to the loo. No asking IF he wanted to go,we would just go up together.

Before going out we'd go to the loo and if we visited anywhere we'd "go and find the toilets ."

*We used pull ups at first then progressed to pants just for the mornings if we were at home.

No pressure, no talking about being a big boy or whatever. Just praise if he did it.
I still remember the first day he got out of bed and I heard him run to the loo and that was 20 years ago

Don't try over Christmas ,too much going on.

gogohm · 22/12/2021 08:04

Loose clothes, eg just jogging bottoms no pants, take him every hour, star chart with reward which means a lot to him (mr men books worked here) m. Dd1 was 4.5 dd2 was 3

IWasFunBeforeMum · 22/12/2021 08:06

My daughter is 4 in a few days and still hasn't mastered pooing anywhere but a nappy. I've been told she'll just decide to do it one day so I'm hoping it's the case.

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