Where am I going wrong with DS 3yo.

[Inlander]

DS will be 3 in January. We tried a bit of potty training last month and he got so up set we abandoned it in the morning.

We decided to try again this week and day 1 went really well. Loads of wees in the potty and only 1 accident. We gave him loads of praise etc and he went voluntarily for each wee so I thought yes we are getting there. Yesterday did not go as well as he said no every time we asked if he needed a wee and was screaming every time we took him to the loo. He did go a few times in the potty but had a few accidents. We went out for an hour and didn’t have one accident though. We stayed calm, gave him loads of praise etc.

Today just went horribly wrong and he is back in a nappy. He keeps saying he doesn’t want to go to the potty as it is not fun and he screams every time we take him up there. We put him in pants and he just wees in them and doesn’t say anything.

He needed to do a poo so we ran up and placed him on the potty but he screamed and got really upset. I praised him loads but he was crying and got upset. As an incentive for doing his poo on the potty I promised him his remote control car (we’d put it out of rotation) but I can’t find the bloody remote. I told him I can’t find it but would give it to him when I did.

I feel like he knows exactly what to do but just doesn’t want to do it with wees. He just doesn’t want to stop playing/watching tv. I pause whatever he’s watching and tell him we can watch it after a wee to encourage him to go upstairs but he just gets so angry and I feel like there is no point taking him to the potty kicking and screaming.

Today has been such a hard day and I feel like I have failed him.

Any tips on what to do next?

Thank you 🙏

I’d just leave it for a little while. It just doesn’t sound like he’s quite ready.

I would suggest having the potty close at hand, not keep racing up and down the stairs.

Thanks @DropYourSword, I just don’t want to leave it too long as he’s quite headstrong and I’ve heard of kids who get more difficult as they get older. His childminder has been encouraging him to go when he is there and we’ve tried to take a gentle approach for a few months now by asking etc but he sees it as such a chore

Thanks @newrubylane, we did keep his travel potty downstairs but he said he didn’t like it hence why we keep going upstairs but I might get a separate Ikea potty for downstairs too

We did stickers for wees and chocolates buttons for poos and it worked a treat - is that worth a try? May act as an incentive if he sees it as a chore? x

Thanks @NewMum0305! The stickers were not a hit but the chocolate buttons might work so will give that a try!

Get the Oh Crap book, takes a second to read.

Stick to it. Job done

In exactly the same position with DD who is exactly the same age (3 in January) . No advice unfortunately, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, to keep going and best of luck

Chocolate rewards worked here too - the whole thing was done and dusted within a few days. We also covered the potty in stickers from her favourite tv show

You need to set aside around a week, and be really consistent i.e. no nappies / pull ups except bed times. Expect accidents and use rewards. Sounds like he is ready to me - he can do it, it will take a few days (at least) to fully get the consequences of him not noticing - i.e. wet clothes. Poos always a bit harder, getting them to relax enough to go but you will get there if you stay home and keep a potty close. Lots of his favourite games / activities and general spoiling.

Thank you everyone. He had a bit of a runny poo in the evening yesterday and kept saying his tummy was hurting so perhaps that is what has caused this potty training phobia. He’s done a wee in the potty with the promise of a hot wheels car so that’s something. I may have made a rod for my own back as if this continues it will end up being so expensive 😬