..at my wits end

[rocky1914]

Just looking for some advice as I feel as though I may be doing something wrong.

DD is 3 next month. Tried potty training with her around June/July of this year and failed miserably (me, I failed miserably).

So trying again now and she seems very enthusiastic to do wee in her potty and we clap and dance around together afterwards. Yep. Lots of fun.

Not so much fun when it comes to doing a poo. I do the usual asking if she needs the potty every 15/20 mins or so. She always manages to do the wee, wipe herself, pull up her trousers and/or knickers and throws the tissue into the toilet. She's very self-efficient and sure of herself in this respect.

But when I ask her to sit there a little longer and try to do a poo, she pushes (really hard which is not good for her so I tell her small gentle pushes). She will sit there crying profusely until I get her off the potty.

I leave her in her knickers from morning til night, bar nap time when I have to put her in a pull-up. She has 10 minutes on her iPad before nap time and then I go in, read her a short story, sing to her, then it's time to sleep. In between the 10 minutes on the iPad and story time/singing time, she will always without fail do the mother of all poo's. It's not her fault and I'm never angry, I just ask her "why didn't you call Mummy (through the monitor that I still use - don't judge me 😩) and tell her that you needed to do a poo?". She just answers that she did it in her nappy, no real explanation (which I don't expect from a 3 year old mind you).

Anyway, I'm at my wits end at this point because she runs around all day in her knickers and she's proud to wear them, successfully wee's in the potty every single time (not had one wet mess yet and we've been doing it almost a week).

My first question is, am I doing something wrong in regards to the poo'ing? My second question is, what can I do to encourage her to poo in the potty instead of her nappy?

I have tried emotional manipulation ie you can have one your toys from Father Christmas early before Christmas Day, if you poo in the potty. You can have some chocolate, if you poo in the potty. Hell, you can bathe your soft toys in the bath all you want (which I've never let her do) and make as much mess as you want - if you just do a poo in the potty ffs (minus the ffs, of course) 😂

What on Earth am I doing wrong?

Any advice would be very helpful.

Thank you in advance 🙏

*self SUFFICIENT 😩🤦‍♀️

Can you do the iPad time before her nap whilst she's sitting on the loo or the potty, maybe leave her alone for ten minutes - she might want the privacy. Also, some children like the sensation of a nappy for poos, you could try sitting her on the potty whilst she's wearing the nappy, then move onto laying the nappy on top of the potty and her sitting on it.

@NannyR

Can you do the iPad time before her nap whilst she's sitting on the loo or the potty, maybe leave her alone for ten minutes - she might want the privacy. Also, some children like the sensation of a nappy for poos, you could try sitting her on the potty whilst she's wearing the nappy, then move onto laying the nappy on top of the potty and her sitting on it.

Yes, I can do the leaving her on the potty with the iPad before naptime on her own. Definitely going to try that. And yes, I completely understand the need for privacy whilst trying to use the loo/potty. I guess I assumed that privacy wasn't what she needed due to the fact that she happily does wee in the potty with the door open.

As for the nappy thing and sitting her on it, then graduating to just laying it on top of the potty, never thought of that and will most definitely try that one this evening before bed (same routine).

Thank you for your advice

Nothing. Dd took ages to not poo in a nappy. I think it’s quite common. She essentially potty trained herself with wees very quickly over a day or two but poos took a good year longer to be comfortable Ruth doing in the toilet.

@Haggisfish3 She essentially potty trained herself with wees very quickly over a day or two

Same!

But okay, I will continue to be patient and try the new things suggested by pp.

Thank you

@Haggisfish3 a year to do poo's in the potty/toilet???? Wow! Ok, I feel much better now. Thank you again for your advice

I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. She will crack it, just be patient.

This is very normal!
For most kids they get what's required to pee in the potty. But for many learning to poo takes longer. It's a different sensation and I think there's an instinctive secrecy too.
If it's any consolation my DD was the same, still continued to wait for the night pull up to poo despite being reliably dry all day. Weirdly I think we were on holiday when she finally got the hang of it and I offered her a potty instead of the pull up and after that she never looked back.
Gentle patience will get you there.

@Oneofeachclub

I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. She will crack it, just be patient.

You're probably right. I suffer from anxiety so you've likely hit the nail on the head right there. This isn't about me and my anxiety. It's about my DD and what is suitable for her. She comes first. Not me. Thank you for that gentle reminder x

@Beamur this is so helpful. Thank you and I will try and practice more patience. I think it's because I expected the poo's to coincide with the wee's in terms of when they crack it. But yes, they are very different sensations and her little body is still just learning so, again, thank you for the gentle reminder x

If it's any help I think we had a lag of around 6months, maybe slightly longer

I also had my toddler helpfully doing a poo in her nappy, then removing the nappy and attempting to empty it into the potty a few times!

We also had this , for at least a year . Take pressure off. Let her use nappy for poos, it’s a non issue . Then once it was less important we went down the no nappies at all and bribery , problem solved a a couple of days

Ds is very private so I had to leave him to it whilst on the potty. That and the poo goes to pooland app and time worked. He never did a poo in his pants/on the floor but it was in his nap/bed time nappy for 2 or 3 months after he was out of nappies daytime. I never made a comment just changed his nappy and back to bed. I was worried he would start withholding and it would become a issue so I was happy for him to still be going regularly even if it was in his napppy.

@Beamur

I also had my toddler helpfully doing a poo in her nappy, then removing the nappy and attempting to empty it into the potty a few times!

Lol this is cute 😍 this happened the other day actually when she did a poo in the nappy and then ran to the potty to try and empty the contents into the potty. Lol. Thanks again :)

@Peaseblossum22 Ok, thank you for this advice and will definitely try this x

I say a nappy, she would also have to hold your hand and look you in eye, saying ‘I love you’ while she pushed the poo out…we were worried there were some deep seated issues but she’s eleven now and poos just fine in a toilet all on her own!

Also I would ditch potty and use loo with child seat and a step to brace against, we found this much more successful and comfortable than a potty especially at this age. Also sounds odd but watching you normalises things if you can bear it !

The ERIC website has information on how to support pooh holding which may help.
I think reminding her every 15 to 20 minutes is too frequent and will weaken her bladder around 50 minutes if she d9sent take herself should be fine then extend it. If pre nap is her pooh time that's when I'd encourage sitting making sure her feet are well supported blowing balloons, party blowers or bubbles can help.

Agree re privacy - my daughter will pee happily with me in the room but absolutely will not have me (or anyone) in there when she poos (which is fair enough!)

Also agree with giving the toilet rather than the potty a try x