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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Original poster

nearly 4 year old, autism, toilet training, limited speech

18 replies

PinkDaydreams · 16/12/2021 21:28

Evening all!
So I've been advised to start toilet training DS whilst off nursery over Xmas.
Currently in pull ups with underpants over the top, he pushes trousers/pants/pull up down and up, watches poo be tipped into the toilet, flushes toilet and (very reluctantly as doesn't like water or anything on hands) washes hands.
I've been told to put kitchen roll in his pull up so he can feel the wet and be uncomfortable for a few days then try just underpants.
Not bothering with potty as he's always hated it and far too big. He has a step with toilet seat attached but won't sit on it. For a few weeks he's gone up the step and I've praised him with stickers but this is no longer working. He doesn't like sweets/choc so can't bribe that way.
I'm going to ask nursery tomorrow for a copy of the pecs pics so that we use the same at home and nursery.
I suppose I'm posting for advice, support and your stories please!!

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkDaydreams · 16/12/2021 21:38

I should have also said that the only time DS recognises that his pull up needs changing is first thing in the morning when its very full. He doesn't know when he's had a wee.
Also we do every change in the bathroom and have been for months so he's aware what the bathroom is for

OP posts:
Quicksilver15 · 17/12/2021 17:56

www.actcommunity.ca/education/videos/toilet-training-for-everyone-revised-and-expanded No stories other than the people that put these two different techniques together from research are super experienced but hopefully will help you realise you aren’t alone in the difficulties a lot of people can experience and how you might get through it. The long way is probably more easy to follow for someone that doesn’t have additional assistance at home as the rapid technique sounds taxing for everyone (though pretty much guaranteed for success if you can stick to the strict technique)

Original poster
PinkDaydreams · 17/12/2021 17:57

I will take a look at the link, thank you so much for your reply!

OP posts:
gunnersgold · 17/12/2021 17:59

Have you got a continence nurse. ?
My ds was 7 before we cracked poo , we was about 4 ... keep going and don't give up! I couldn't deal with thr thought of nappies when he was 20! 😩

Original poster
PinkDaydreams · 17/12/2021 18:00

@gunnersgold

Have you got a continence nurse. ? My ds was 7 before we cracked poo , we was about 4 ... keep going and don't give up! I couldn't deal with thr thought of nappies when he was 20! 😩
Continence team won't get involved until he's four, which is only a few weeks away. So I will chase back up again!
OP posts:
gunnersgold · 17/12/2021 18:01

My ds isn't autistic but has learning difficulties and very limited speech when he was 4. He is now 10 and can do all toileting himself .

gunnersgold · 17/12/2021 18:02

Mine wasn't overly helpful , everything she suggested I had tried but she helped me get free bugger nappies for overnight which was helpful .

MrsBobDylan · 17/12/2021 20:09

The only thing I'll suggest is waiting till he's ready.

My disabled ds was toilet trained by his special school a few weeks after he started at 4.

They got him to sit on a toilet every day at the same time. His pecs visual routine showed him when toilet time was.

However, he was still pooping in his pants until 8/9. One day he just got that too and I can't tell you how overjoyed we were.

I believe that until a child is ready and the environment is right, it just won't happen.

Original poster
PinkDaydreams · 18/12/2021 08:23

@MrsBobDylan I don't think he's ready. I ended up last night calling his teacher as ive been stressing about it and I've had a chat with her and she's agreed that he's not ready. It was someone at nursery that isn't his teacher that told me to start over Xmas.
I've got to work on routine more with him but also keep in place everything we are doing.
I feel pressured into training him but yes completely agree that if he's not ready then it's not going to happen.

OP posts:
ThirdElephant · 18/12/2021 08:31

[quote PinkDaydreams]@MrsBobDylan I don't think he's ready. I ended up last night calling his teacher as ive been stressing about it and I've had a chat with her and she's agreed that he's not ready. It was someone at nursery that isn't his teacher that told me to start over Xmas.
I've got to work on routine more with him but also keep in place everything we are doing.
I feel pressured into training him but yes completely agree that if he's not ready then it's not going to happen.[/quote]
At the risk of being flamed, do you worry that perhaps he'll never be 'ready' in a way that makes it easy? Don't habits become ingrained the longer they persist?

PP's special school trained her DS- if a school can do it, so can parents. At a certain point, you've just got to start these things. It'll probably take much longer to acquire the skill, but will starting later really make it easier, or will it just push the whole process further back?

Original poster
PinkDaydreams · 18/12/2021 09:18

Yes I can see your point @ThirdElephant but I can also see his teachers point...work on routine and breaking toilet training down into parts. He's very into routine and we both feel that bringing the toilet more into it then it'll help him. Ive really got to break each part down and work on each part individually rather than doing it all at once, if that makes sense? Which I think will work, fingers crossed!

OP posts:
ThirdElephant · 18/12/2021 10:39

@PinkDaydreams

Yes I can see your point *@ThirdElephant* but I can also see his teachers point...work on routine and breaking toilet training down into parts. He's very into routine and we both feel that bringing the toilet more into it then it'll help him. Ive really got to break each part down and work on each part individually rather than doing it all at once, if that makes sense? Which I think will work, fingers crossed!
I mean, that sounds like toilet training to me tbh. There are many ways to toilet train, it's not necessarily toilet-centred and cold-turkey on nappies.

The 'Oh crap! Potty training' book (which I'd not recommend but it did make some interesting points), says that basically toilet training is about getting a kid to realise they've peed, then moving along the pathway from 'I've peed' to 'I'm peeing' and finally, 'I need to pee'. There are many ways to do that, and it sounds like that's what you're doing.

ThirdElephant · 18/12/2021 10:43

Also, kitchen roll sounds uncomfortable- Huggies do a line of toilet training pull-ups that allow kids to feel the wetness, if you still want to go along that line while focusing on routines.

HotPenguin · 18/12/2021 11:04

One tip for poos is to wait 10 minutes after a meal and then sit him on the loo for 5 mins. Do that three times a day. That's the time his bowels are most likely to move. Once you get him in a routine of going at a certain time his body is likely to stick to it which makes it much easier. I have special fiddle toys that I only give when he's sittin on the loo.

MrsBobDylan · 19/12/2021 09:59

@ThirdElephant a SS teaching my son to wee in a toilet isn't remotely something that I could do at home.

For starters, at home, my ds didn't use the toilet, he wore nappies. That's very fixed in the mind of an Autistic child.

In contrast, when he started school, they took his nappy off and every hour he went to sit in the toilet. Because that's the school rules.

My ds is 11 and can't change his clothes to suit the seasons. So he wears grey tracksuit bottoms and a t shirt and crocs throughout the year. He would rather freeze to death than experience any sort of change.

Op I would push back with nursery and say that he's not ready.

ThirdElephant · 19/12/2021 16:05

@ThirdElephant a SS teaching my son to wee in a toilet isn't remotely something that I could do at home.

For starters, at home, my ds didn't use the toilet, he wore nappies. That's very fixed in the mind of an Autistic child.

In contrast, when he started school, they took his nappy off and every hour he went to sit in the toilet. Because that's the school rules.

And you could have made it your home rules. For some reason, some parents seem to think that schools and teachers have some magical powers. I've had parents ask me to do everything from get kids to eat the vegetables at home to getting them to bed on time at night! Sorry, but a parent can take a nappy off and sit a kid on the toilet as well as a teaching assistant can.

Quicksilver15 · 19/12/2021 17:17

I would totally agree with a lot of these posts habits become more ingrained & harder to break the longer they go on, and parents should be just as capable as a school or nursery at teaching, but it does take one person to overall lead the process & to ensure the plan is followed as consistently as possible. It doesn’t matter if that is a staff or parent lead as long as it’s agreed between parties & the plan is clear.

jannier · 26/12/2021 15:10

The charity ERIC has a website with information on training children with needs. Also worth looking at the attention autism site...set up by Gina Davies the bucket time lady. I've done training with her on this she advises all toilet related changes are done in the bathroom and going straight to the toilet otherwise you have to retrain.
Pull ups would normally be over pants so they feel wet or use plastic pants over pants.

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