Toddler holding in wee at nursery

[Quicksilver15]

Hello my DS is 20months old recently become pretty much dry day & night, he is obviously not toilet independent because of his age so needs help but he does have control over his bowels/bladder so has started to wear pants recently and uses potty only, he’s not very good at initiating though hoping this will come with time. At home he is fine & regular but on the days he goes into nursery he holds it & struggles to release maybe only going once mid way through an 8 hour session. Should I be worried, he is the only one in his room using potty & so I wondered if it was possible for him to be embarrassed at that age, or it may just be seperation anxiety as he cries a lot when going in so maybe he just doesn’t feel comfortable there. What should I do, nursery seem more impressed than helpful but I don’t want this to turn into a problem & would like it dealt with before it progresses or puts him off potty altogether as he is very young and impressionable. Maybe others had similar issues & strategy’s their nursery implemented to help resolve.

Have you tried sending in his own potty from home it sometimes helps.

No I haven’t but I guess I could try this, on the most recent day I collected him where he held it the entire 8hours I had a new travel potty in the car, he went in the back of the car in the new potty immediately. So I get the impression it’s more the nursery than the potty, they seem to have a lot of staff churn, don’t think any member of staff had stayed in his room for more than a month recently before disappearing.

I don't think it would be embarrassment at such a young age but it could well be him not feeling entirely comfortable. A bit like how if our only option is a manky public loo we can hold our bladder until we get home, he might be preferring to hold his wee until he's in a more comfortable and 'safe' setting.

I'd be quite concerned by the staff turnover you talk about. It's poor practise in general but toileting support is intimate care and, as such, should be with a familiar and trusted adult.

This sounds to me like a nursery issue and that with such a high staff turnover, your little boy is not being allowed to build the trust in the adults around him to help him with using the toilet.

My DD is also 20 months and toilet training and nursery have been really supportive and she's doing really well there. She has the tendency to hold it more at nursery than at home but she has a key person who is reading her cues and a regular staff team who are all supporting her to use the toilet. Is changing nursery an option? Being able to build secure bonds is so important and being in a setting where your little boy has familiar and trusted adults around him is likely to help his separation anxiety just as much as his toilet training.

Hmm I do fear this is the case he is totally reliable I would class him as 100% poo trained with the exception of manipulating pants but clearly requests it now & 100% day wee dry but not always initiating we do not use nappies at any point in the day. The other day they put him in a nappy over lunch & he used it, I told them not to do this as he doesn’t get nappies at all at home & is totally reliable, he also told me
In the evening after nursery “Xxx(name) nappy wee wee”, so he has a perception the other children use nappies. My gut is this is at least partly a nursery issue, though I have been trying to take him to public toilets more with 0% success of using them with a toilet reducer but he is a good holder so after 4 hours I will normally take him back to van & let him go in the back in travel potty. So he’s currently only does wee’s in our house or in the van he definitely has a tie to familiar environments. I don’t really know what I can do about the lack of consistent staff other than move him in November when he turns two for a playgroup/pre school & hope the staffing is more consistent.

I don’t really know what I can do about the lack of consistent staff other than move him in November when he turns two for a playgroup/pre school & hope the staffing is more consistent.

To be honest I think you're going to have more success at a setting like this as preschool type places are full of kids from 2-3+ using the potty or toilet. So peer encouragement along with staff that are used to it will definitely be better.
I'd have been so pissed off about the nappy at lunchtime thing, it was clearly for their own convenience.

Yeah maybe your right, but he also loves sleep! I worry he’s not ready to lose the long naps which will be harder when so many aren’t doing it, the playgroup has very mixed ages from 2-4. So it’s like what you gain from one you lose from the other. Plus he is an insanely fussy eater & the packed lunch environment is maybe not so good for him in terms of eating what others are eating as they will all eat different things so be probably won’t eat whereas it’s internal cooked meals at current place. Boo

DD 2.5 is home with a nanny (so always in a comfortable environment) and she’ll hold it for ages. She will not go in public toilets (have tried A LOT) and regularly will tell us things like “I’m going to hold my pees until we get to the holiday house (which was a 2 hour car journey, 2 hour wait for a ferry and then hour ferry ride, so aggeesss) and then peed as soon as we got there. It’s a total control thing, or can be.

So after some days holding it for 8hours at nursery until bursting (clearly waiting for us to collect) they moved the potty somewhere more private away from the nappy change area, now he’s using it. We still have a veto on public toilets, couldn’t even get him to use his travel potty in his grans bathroom at weekend and instead he asks to leave wherever we are to go to the van even if the potty has been moved into said persons house into a bathroom! Clearly is a control issue & I guess will just keep trying him elsewhere in hope it improves

@Quicksilver15 sorry to reply on an old thread. Did this resolve itself with your DS quite quickly?

I'm currently going through it with my DD and am really worried about her holding it and possible infections etc.

Thank you 😊