Oh crap day 1 disaster

[physicskate]

So this morning was day 1. Dd is 2 years 4 months. Showing all the signs she's ready etc...

So this morning after taking off her nighttime nappy it was naked bottoms. We've had potties around for awhile but set up her seat with step on the downstairs loo. She was really excited - kept saying wee wee and sitting on the potties. Then she was really into the seat on and off, climbing herself.

Then I had to turn my back and hand dh my son's change of clothes (ds is 3 months). Why oh why did I turn my back?!?! Why oh why didn't I make dh get off his ass and get the clothes himself?? So annoyed at myself...

Immediately dd is in hysterics because she pood on the floor in front of the toilet. In the less than 10 seconds when I gave dh the clothes. Didn't make a deal out of it. Said 'oopsie. Just an accident.' I cleaned it all up (and her of course). But then she started screaming for her nappy and was really upset. Of course I don't want this to be stressful!! So put her nappy on.

Do I leave things for a few weeks? Do I try again when she wakes up from her nap? How do I recover potty training from this foul right off the bat?

We did the first day of Oh Crap method today too with DS 28.5 months. He did his first morning pee and poop ok but then started withholding pee and kept asking for his nappy - he was clearly desperate, was crossing his legs. But we managed to sweet talk him into sitting on the potty and he was then so so proud of succeeding. He clearly had a bit of potty anxiety and nappy would have been the "safe space". Getting over that one hurdle seemed to really help him though, he was a start for rest of the day. And we moved onto block 2 in the afternoon (then he had 1 accident, the only one of the day).

I think the fact that he was crossing his legs and asked for a nappy really did demonstrate to me that he's ready - he can hold it, he knows when to go, he knows what he wants. We've now just decided that nappies are not an option anymore. Hope tomorrow goes OK!

If I were, I'd give it till tomorrow and start a fresh on a new day.

The first couple of days will definitely involve lots of wee and poos on the floor. You must prepare yourself for this reality. It doesn’t mean it’s disaster, it means your child is learning the feeling of what weeing and pooing is like without a nappy on. I would’ve just given her loads of reassurance and comfort after the poo incident, “We’re learning where the poo goes aren’t we, it’s tricky sometimes, you’re doing very well and we love you and next time mummy and daddy will help you learn how to put it in the potty” etc, loads of praise for the attempt to get near the potty / toilet to poo. Reassurance that she can try again next time. Then divert her attention with toys / playing etc.

She has made progress in that she has recognised that she has pooed and is upset that it didn’t go where she wanted it. This is how she will learn and be motivated to practice to get it right the next time.

In my experience, the first two days involved about 50 / 50 wees on the floor and all poos were on the floor. By day 3, she had learned to go to the potty to wee and was dry by day. Poo took a bit longer but after, I’d say, a week she was consistently able to poo on a potty.

The disaster wasn't that she pood on the floor - it was that she was so upset and demanded a nappy. She was literally throwing herself on the floor upset. I'm not out to make this as stressful as that.

I think she was so upset because she hadn't had any successes to fall back on, if that makes sense? But I'm not quite sure what's going on in her little brain.

She was probably thinking "I've made a mess, a mess is bad. This wouldn't have happened if I'd been in a nappy, put nappy back on so I don't make another mess."

If it's warm enough today could you get out the paddling pool and say we need no nappies because they don't like the water? And actually be positive about a poo on the floor if it happens?! Wow a poo! So close to the toilet! Did you feel the funny feeling in your bottom and your tummy? Next time you know they means we need to find a potty or toilet.

To be aware of something coming out of your body for the first time is scary! Is there a book you can do with dd to show her that pooping is a normal thing?

Don't panic, don't beat yourself up and get back on with the toilet training. She sounds like she'll have it nailed in a few days

www.janetlansbury.com/2014/08/3-reasons-kids-dont-need-toilet-training-and-what-to-do-instead/ I didn't bother with anything else. No accidents, no staying in, no worries about turning my back, being in the car etc..

Certainly you could try again in a few weeks / months if you wanted to. It won’t do any harm.

But if you do decide to carry on, it’s worth bearing in mind that the tantrum was communication - “I don’t like this new feeling, I don’t normally poo like this, I like the comfort and safety of my nappy, this is strange and I want things back the way they were, I want to poo in the toilet but I don’t know how to, it’s not working the way I thought it would ” etc.

You can keep narrating what happened to her eg “you’re feeling very upset because you wanted to do your poo in the toilet but it went on the floor instead - we can try again next time and I will help you” and so on. The tantrum won’t last forever and she will look to you to be the calm presence who teaches her that everything is ok.

Also. Once she’s pood, she doesn’t need the nappy on then because another poo won’t be happening for a while after that, so nappy off and continue with the wees. If it’s hysterics again after another poo later then maybe reassess whether or not you want to continue, but she will have learned from the first experience, even though it wasn’t a positive outcome.

I don't think I handled yesterday well. I remained calm and tried to be reassuring. But today when I said 'do you want to take off your nappy? Do you want to use the potty/toilet etc...' all I got was 'no'.

No way am I forcing the issue.

That article was really helpful. Instead of oh crap, I think we're going to take a bit more time over this. Just hope we haven't set her back too far. She took such pride in climbing onto the toilet in her nappy and saying wee wee and then flushing and washing her hands before we ever took the nappy off. She loves accomplishing something new with a proud exclamation of 'I did it!' That I don't want this to be a cause of stress.

I'm just going to be patient and keep offering no stress options.

Delighted you found the article helpful op. I think it's brilliant and share it far and wide. Imagine how 'empowering' it is for a child take charge of such a big thing for themselves. Self-motivated is the aim for so much, if we can allow it.

If I ask my toddler most things she will answer “no” - they like the control!

I would steer clear of phrasing anything to do with potty’s in a way that is a question in the early days. You’re in charge. Once she’s up, say, “night time nappy off now. Let’s go and have breakfast” etc. Make it normal and breezy. The first few days are about you learning their signs that they need a wee or poo, not them. She doesn’t know the answer to your questions yet. When it looks like she might need a wee, you can phrase it like “quick quick, onto the potty” - not a question, a clear instruction. Toddlers need really simple clear instructions.

I certainly think the Oh crap method works, but I get some families prefer different techniques. She has plenty of time to learn so do what feels best for you.

Instead of, “do you want a wee?”, you kind of have to pay attention to her signs she’s giving you rather than asking her.