Do children just suddenly show signs they are ready?

[Lia73]

Hi all. Been putting ds on the toilet seat / potty for a few months at bath time and he has done some wees and a couple of poos. His childminder started leaving him without a nappy just before he turned 3 and I did the same at home and also tried pants but he had quite a few accidents and never actually asked to go. His dad kept him in nappies though and looks after him half the week so maybe this confused him and he got badly constipated and still seems to hold it in a lot. I give him Movicol which helps but when I stop using it, he doesn't go often and then does lots of little poos, then gets sore and holds his legs together when I try and clean him. I would like to try training again with him. He will sit on the toilet happily before a bath and did a poo a few days ago but he is showing zero signs of telling us he needs the toilet and will happily run around in a dirty nappy. I've heard people say just wait and it'll be easier and I dont want him to get constipated again but he looks like he is nowhere near showing a sign!! He doesn't say he needs a wee or poo and he changes the subject when.we talk about it. He's 3.2. Can I hope he will just ask to go one day?

With my children they got to about 2 and I trained them rather than waiting for "signs".

Place marking for advice too x

You can't rely on them telling you. I think this is a mistake a lot of people make. When you start potty training, you need to remind them regularly to go. Don't wait on them going themselves.

Thanks for the replies. I was putting him on the potty and toilet seat from about 2.6 but not in pants until just before he turned 3. Did this for a couple of days but he kept going in the pants and then his dad wouldn't continue with it when I was at work. Just googling advice, a lot of the posts on mumsnet said you can cause long term issues if you dont wait until they show signs plus the poo withholding started after the first attempt in pants and he has been using movicol ever since. I guess I was just hopeful he would suddenly turn around and say I'm ready!! No such luck it seems. I'll give it another go...

With DS, we tried one long weekend when he was 2.8. He dint get it at all, and went back to nappies. Two weeks later he asked for pants, and was reliably dry for wees and poos, night and day within a fortnight.

DD told me “pants today” when she was 2.3. It wasn’t a good time to try, but she demanded “pants now” the next day. She had a couple of accidents, but that was it, wees, poos, night, day.

OP, It might be worth trying for a few days and “failing” to plant the seeds of the idea of potty training.

We went by signs rather than DC specifically telling us - such as hiding for a poo, having a regular pattern, being dry in their nappy for a few hours at a time. They didn’t ask for pants or to stop using nappies or anything like that. Whatever you decide to do I think consistency is important so DH will need to be on board too and follow the same approach.

I waited and waited for signs but nothing. I did not start until after he turned 3 though (normal for where I live) and he got it immediately, there was an accident on day one and then nothing! So I would always advise waiting based on my extensive study of 2! 😂

Same as Feather. No signs. Waited and waited. Hated the idea of losing his nappy. One weekend when he was 2.10 I just bit the bullet and put him on the potty for wees all day. He was annoyed but was dry within two days and no accidents since. I have wondered if they have better bladder control when a bit older. The other thing I did was to heavily reward any wees and especially poos with really yummy chocolates. So I basically did everything the books tell you not to .

My experience was it very much depends on the child!
One was in nappies till 3 1/2 and I just went for it in the end after a few aborted attempts Put them in pants (and sent the last nappy off to the nappy fairy for the babies) took many spare outfits around with us & after a couple of weeks and lots of accidents they cracked in. I asked regularly if they wanted the toilet but let them decide if they needed to go. Another was just turned 2 and said they were done with nappies and wanted pants and I think only ever had 1 maybe 2 accidents and just said when they needed the toilet!
None of mine like potties so we went straight to those toddler seats you can put on toilets. We let each child choose one they wanted when they turned 18 months I think it was. It can feel like they’ll never get it if they’re more like my eldest but they usually do. I wish I’d put less pressure on him and me looking back but we both survived it!

They will still be incontinent at 5 years old if you wait for "signs".
You have to train them every single day all day, there are no shortcuts. Its exhausting and there will be accidents but it doesn't happen on it's own.
This is why children more and more are going to school in nappies because nobody can be bothered to potty train them.
No pants and put them on the potty several times a day until they get the idea.
I have a relative whose 6 year old is still not potty trained, it's causing huge problems at school. She too thinks the child will train herself.

At 2.5yo my son started screaming and resisting nappy changes, so we tried bare bottom for a day and encouraged lots of water drinking and lots of potty sitting, and within a day he got it. So I didn’t exactly look for signs other than the fact that nappies were clearly becoming a source of conflict but it turned out he was ready.

I have to say that (to my surprise) I didn’t find it exhausting at all, but this is where they are different - some will take longer than others to get it. Some will “train themselves” and some need more support

I think with mine I tried at 2.5. My eldest was ready at that point. My youngest not so - did a week with little progress so we left it. Tried again at about 2.8 and he picked it up in a couple of days.

So I'd say give it a try and if they're ready it will come easy?

You have to train them every single day all day, there are no shortcuts. Its exhausting and there will be accidents but it doesn't happen on it's own.

Well I didn’t have any of that, but I waited for signs from DS like strongly resisting the nappy. I didn’t wait for him to say “mummy I’d like you to potty train me now please” but if it’s the battle you describe then that’s an indication they weren’t ready after all. Took one weekend, no drama.

Good for you. I would interpret diamond's comment as saying you have to commit. I completely agree. And it is exhausting putting them on the potty several times an hour, clearing up accidents, etc. If they get it in a couple of days it's a short lived hassle.

Hi there, I think you can go either way.

At around the right age (2-4) you can start training.

Alternatively, for DC1, nursery staff said they will start letting you know when they are ready. That is, baby-led First stage - telling you AFTER they are done. Second - telling you during doing the business. Third - Telling you before doing the business. (And then this fourth - and maybe fifth stage which I am just learning about, when they can do all things, including wiping their own bottoms).

The key aspect is consistency. I left my LO without bottoms at every opportunity. Coupled with the nursery also training at the same time, we pretty much were able to do get to stage 3 in 2 weeks. I think LO was around 2 or 3. Another key aspect is that we all agreed LO could communicate with us the need to go.

Perhaps here you need to sit with the dad and ask what he thinks the best approach is and be led this way as he might be the missing piece in this.

Also, not sure if other pp have said this but you may want to leave you LO for 2 or 3 weeks and then start fresh at stage 1. Stage 1 is teaching the language of pottying. So when you are changing the nappy, it's always " ooh great a poo" or "looks like we did a wee". Acknowledging the event. Then a few weeks after that, looking for LO to fill in the blanks when changing nappy. "Ooh, looks like you did a ???" and then say nothing. Eventually they will say "poo" or "wee". then do this for a few weeks. Then if they ever mention that they have just done one, casually say "oh great let's change your nappy". Eventually they will start telling you during. At this point, you want all equipment ready. (Potties / toilet inserts / ladders). And if it happens, it happens.

I hope it all works out for you

We tried a few times with DD when she was twoish, but it clearly wasn't the right time. She turned three and one one day she just announced that she wished to use the potty from now on. She got it completely within one or rwo days and hardly had any accidents. Poos took a lot longer though.

Wow...did not realise there were all these replies...thanks! Yep, I am just going to go for it and tell dad he has to get on board. I think one of my biggest worries was ds getting constipated again, that was one of the reasons dad said I should stop and i didnt want to make things worse. Ds did say he was doing a wee during doing it the other day, so that's a straw to clutch at :-). I will certainly report back here in a few weeks to say how its gone and hopefully it will be encouraging for anyone in the same boat...fingers tightly crossed!

Also just wanted to say I know everyone's experience and child is different but there's a lot of good advice in these replies. Much appreciated. I have a dad dd too who was definitely out of nappies at 2 and a bit but it was a loooooong time ago that she was trained so i can't remember what worked or if that was easy.

I'm potty training DS just now who was 3 in April, I honestly am a bit disheartened by it! I feel like everyone else's child trains earlier but he's so stubborn! Doing well with pees now but just poos in his pants like it's no big deal. I'm hoping he'll make an attempt at a poo in the potty in a few days and when we're really pleased with him he'll click to do poos in the potty too.
Any similar experiences (with hope!) anyone feel free to share!