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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

3.3 year old only poos in nappy at night

14 replies

Hfjshdhs · 14/04/2021 21:16

Posting out of sheer desperation...

My DD, who turned 3 in Jan, and has been weeing on the toilet since 2, will only poo in her nappy at night.

Very very occasionally she will become so desperate for a poo during the day that she does one on the toilet at nursery. And she has done the odd one on the toilet at home, but that hasn’t happened for a few weeks.

So much of the answers/advice to only pooing in a nappy seems to be geared around them doing it awake (ie. getting them to poo in the bathroom in their nappy, then very slowly get towards the toilet), so I’ve got no idea where to go with the pooing when asleep situation.

Things we have tried:

  • bribes, both chocolate (which she doesn’t have at all unless she has pooped, so that’s a big bribe), and also toys
  • senna and lactulose (following advice from GP) with the idea that she couldn’t hold it in so would have to poo on the toilet. She ended up doing bits in her pants but still holding it in until the evening, and got very upset in the process
  • star charts
  • sitting on the toilet every night for 15 minutes before she goes to bed, and making her blow bubbles/blow up balloons, having the iPad on
  • poo goes to poo land, various books
  • putting a nappy on in the evening in the hope that she poos before bed in that

When she obviously wants to do a poo, we ask her if she needs to go and sit on the toilet. She says no and tells us that she will do it tomorrow. We have tried to force her to go, but she screams and it’s just awful. I don’t want it to become ‘a thing’. Suspect it already has done.

There are no special needs, she is articulate and understands that grown ups do poos on the toilet. She’s not being naughty, and so I can’t get cross with her. But it makes me so angry (obviously I don’t show it) that she knows it’s not the right thing to do but still does it.

Can anyone help at all?

OP posts:
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onlyreadingneverposting8 · 14/04/2021 21:19

My advice (mum of 9) - I've had this with at least 3 of mine. Just wait - and probably wait some more. When she's ready she'll poo in the toilet! In fact my last potty trained one has just started to poo in the toilet at almost 4.5 yrs. Did nothing...just waited until he was ready (I was beginning to wonder when ready was tbf but suddenly it happened and he didn't go back!)

SuddenArborealStop · 14/04/2021 21:20

Have you tried a potty or only the toilet, I left DS to come to the toilet in his own time as I think they can find it quite scary.

Honeybobbin · 14/04/2021 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cindersrellie · 14/04/2021 21:27

I'm no expert but it sounds stressful for her. Can you just let it be for a few weeks, do nothing and say nothing, and accept the night pooing? Once the stress has died down, she might be fine.

Isadora2007 · 14/04/2021 21:30

Honestly stop making an issue of it. You are seriously risking a lifetime of constipation or bowel issues by making this a big deal. It’s one nappy to be changed. She’s 3. Not 13.

Please apologise and tell her that it’s okay to wait to poop in the toilet when she is a bit bigger and feels ready. Then just work with her. She will NOT do this forever I promise you.

babbi · 14/04/2021 21:32

Been there and done that .. as they say .
Honestly don’t stress , just let it go and she will do it in her own time .

I can’t believe how worked up about it I got and there was no need really .
sorted it herself before going to school ...

And I tried all those incentives and bribes too .. not a jot of difference did it make - it was on her terms !

Just chill .. it honestly will be ok

Hfjshdhs · 14/04/2021 21:34

Thank you so so much to everyone posting. Theme seems to be take the pressure off and wait. Which I will do.

OP posts:
ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 14/04/2021 21:38

@onlyreadingneverposting8

My advice (mum of 9) - I've had this with at least 3 of mine. Just wait - and probably wait some more. When she's ready she'll poo in the toilet! In fact my last potty trained one has just started to poo in the toilet at almost 4.5 yrs. Did nothing...just waited until he was ready (I was beginning to wonder when ready was tbf but suddenly it happened and he didn't go back!)
This 100%. My eldest did this, and honestly I got myself so worked up about it. Give it time, accept that you're going to have pooey nappies for a while longer, she'll get there in the end. She's still so little.
DandelionSprout · 14/04/2021 21:44

Asking if she wants to go to the loo is a mistake. Just put her on the loo if you can see she needs to go. Then avoid hassling her, just ignore and let her sit there for a bit, with a phone to look at if necessary.

Feebeedeebee · 14/04/2021 22:31

My DD is 5 and will only poo in a pull up. Her dad (my ex) has made a real issue out of it to the extent that she now can't/won't go at his house at all, even with a pull up. I'd spoken to a GP when she was about 3.5 who said to just be patient and not put any pressure on her. Not been able to access much help over the last year but I know there is nothing to be gained by forcing her to sit on the toilet. I don't really know what to do though to be honest and i know this isn't helping to answer your question but just wanted you to know you're not alone in this issue!

CoffeeRunner · 14/04/2021 22:35

I had this with DS1 & DD.

Both were around 6 or 7 before it finally stopped.

someoneiou · 14/04/2021 22:40

I get rid of the night time nappy. No nappies = no option to poo in one!

cheeseychovolate · 14/04/2021 22:44

Had this with both mine. They will just do it one day. When you're going through this you think they'll never do it, but it will happen. One did it at 3 1/2 and the other was 4.

AutumnSpring79 · 19/05/2025 08:49

Hi OP, I’m in exactly the same position as you and wondered how you and your DD are doing?
Do you have any tips on what worked and what didn’t? Did taking the stress away make it better? My DD is 3 and dry at night/ will call out if she needs a wee but will only poo in knickers most nights. I took the night time pull ups off hoping that would encourage her to poop during the day but it’s exactly the same.
Grateful for any advice 🙏🏽

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