One year into potty training and still having accidents

[Habbyhadno]

I thought I'd post here as I'm out of ideas. I started potty training DS the first week of lockdown last March, he was nearly three. One year on he's still having constant accidents, he's been through four pairs of bottoms alone this morning.
My first DS was done in the day and overnight in one month.
I'm totally out of ideas, I've tried all the tricks in the book. Sticker chart, bribery with chocolate, no iPads until he wees in the potty/loo. Nothing had worked, I've talked calmly to him about why it's important he tries his best to wee in the potty and doing it in his pants isn't acceptable, but he just doesn't listen to me. He'll say 'ok, I'll do them in the potty' and then five minutes later he'll have wet pants.

He's starting school in September and I'm worried he won't be dry by then. What can I do here? I'm going insane and I'm not sure my sofa can take anymore wee stains. Help!

Help me someone

Have you tried the 'oh crap' book method? Worked wonders for us.... important to be naked for the first part waist down as pants are too much like nappies. I'd really recommend ordering the book if you haven't read it

Can you explain what you are doing in regards to potty/toilet training?
Is he in pants all day? Do you ever use pull ups/nappies? Do you remind him frequently to go and use the potty?

Well I had this problem and I darent let him out of nappy pants because he just pissed everywhere and I have new carpets!
My mother suggested setting the timer and then when it went he had to sit on the potty and try. By the end of day one we had had a few accidents but like pavlovs dogs every time he heard that timer go off he sat on the potty. He was bribed as well. Day three no accidents. We still had the pinger after a week. Baking is still awkward because when that timer goes he gets on the potty. We’re on week three now, no timer, very few accidents, still frequent reminders but he does ask and go on the potty.
We started last March and it’s a relief to have finally cracked it.

I feel your pain.
Potty trained for a year. He starts school in September and is one of the oldest at nursery.
He is currently put on the toilet every 30 minutes at nursery and still manages to have accidents most days.
He dribbles half a wee in his pants and does the last bit on the loo and poos his pants a few times a week.
The frustrating thing is that we had 3 months last year without a single accident so he can obviously do it.

We have also used stickers, bribery, sweets, toys, removing toys from him, time out etc etc.
Nothing seems to work. I was getting so stressed out that we now just change him without a fuss and don't get cross and praise when he goes on the toilet.
The nursery staff are saints having to deal with my 4.5 year olds pooey pants a few times a week.
We are currently trying movicol to see if that helps but I've not seen a huge improvement - just runny poo in his pants instead of solid.

Thanks all. No, he's not in pull ups during the day, either pants or nothing as he likes to be naked, but he's in a pull up at bedtime.

I might try the timer idea, I do ask him every 30 minutes -ish, but he automatically says he doesn't need to go whenever I ask him. I'll try this tomorrow.

It's really frustrating as his older brother got it so quickly, so I kind of expected him to be the same, but no.

I'm just so worried he won't have cracked it before he starts school in September

I have a friend who had this problem. She bought a teeny tiny plastic urinal style potty that she hung on the back of a door and then her son was fine. He wanted to pee like his daddy did.

I might try the timer idea, I do ask him every 30 minutes -ish, but he automatically says he doesn't need to go whenever I ask him. I'll try this tomorrow.

I think this might be the key.
It is a long time ago, but when I did it, I didn;t ask, but every hour on the hour we went and sat on the potty. They quickly got into the habit of having a wee. It wasn't a choice, it was just what we did.
They didn't wee every time. But I did make sure they sat long enough to relax.

We have had a massive regression this month with our son, sounds like they are similar ages and trained at similar time!
We have literally been sending him every 30 minutes to the loo, sticker for every dry pair of pants when he goes, three stickers is a couple of chocolate buttons!
We feel like 🤞we are hopefully getting there this week. I feel your pain, I felt like we were finally there (he has a twin who was finally mastering number twos!) but the amount of washing again 😱

I wouldn't worry about September that is still a long way off
Have a look on the ERIC website for further information

All these ideas sound great and I would try them, but I would take a little break and just stop for a while.

It sounds like perhaps he wasn’t ready to start training when he did. And since then it has probably become a big and normal part of his life to have accidents and have you sort him out.

Stop for a few weeks to give him and you a break.

@RevIMJolly

All these ideas sound great and I would try them, but I would take a little break and just stop for a while.

It sounds like perhaps he wasn’t ready to start training when he did. And since then it has probably become a big and normal part of his life to have accidents and have you sort him out.

Stop for a few weeks to give him and you a break.

This makes no sense. He's used to having accidents and having OP clean them, so the answer is to put him back in nappies, where he will have accidents and have the OP clean them? The mechanism is the same whether he's wetting pants or nappies.

@Habbyhadno it might be worth reading about bladder training (if you haven't already), some drinks can actually be a bladder irritant (I hadn't been aware of this with my son). And there is a theory that children need to drink more to understand what a full bladder feels like and therefore trigger the trip to the toilet. Not sure if your little one is too young for this but within a few weeks of bladder training (we were having night wetting issues) my son had sorted it out.

Yes to add to @Kayjay2018 sugar-free squash causes issues for my DD WRT wetting.

We had a similar situation but in different circumstances.

Ds has autism and moderate learning difficulties, he’s just turned 7.

He wasn’t ready for toilet training before age 5, we tried many many times and gave in.

When he was 5 and a couple of months I thought it’s now or never, he still wasn’t ready (he was already at school, reception class, in pull ups and his 1-1 changed him) but even with his special needs I felt he was getting too old and i imagined him being in nappies forever, so I removed the pull up in the day the first day of Easter half term 2018, and I won’t lie it’s been bloody hard work but I’ve stuck with it and I’d say he’s only been reliable the past 3 months. He hasn’t wet himself or had a pooh in his pants for ages now.

So it’s taken around 2 years!

Does your ds drink enough? Is he constipated?

You’ve probably been on here already but this website has all sorts of advice www.eric.org.uk/

We had incontinence service who were useless and sent out a few leaflets but I found Eric website the best.

He still wears pull ups for bed though! Not even attempted that until the day was sorted out. I’m just talking to him now about ditching the pull up at bedtime and will start on this at some point this year.

Also please don’t worry if he’s not completely reliable for September, as I said ds started school in pull ups, his 1-1 and class teacher told me not to worry and they said they had many children without additional needs still needing support with toileting in reception.

Thanks everyone, the info here has been so useful. I had no idea about the ERIC website but had a read last night and that was great. He does drink a lot but mainly sugar free squash, so might look into that and bladder issues too.

Today I've changed asking 'do you need a wee' to 'it's toilet time' and explained that when it's toilet time we have to go and try but it doesn't matter if nothing comes out, so I feel like that might take the pressure off a bit of demanding he wees when asked.

I've also used the timer to keep track of visits to the loo, and have given him the choice of toilet or potty, so if he says no to the potty he had the option to choose the toilet, so he feels a bit more in control with it. Glad to say that so far today we haven't had an accident yet, so far so good. I hope the novelty doesn't wear off though.

I agree with saying it's time to go, rather than asking if they need to. DS never, ever responds to 'do you need the toilet?' with yes. He spontaneously tells us he needs to go probably about half the time (and apparently does this entirely reliably at nursery) but we also just have set points in the day - first waking up, before his morning snack, before lunch, etc - where we go to the loo (I normally go then too!) and he accepts that and nearly always goes. We also go to the loo before we leave the house.