Nearly 5 and still won’t poo on the toilet

[nicgren]

Hi all. My little girl is 5 in august. She’s in school and is dry at night. She doesn’t often take herself for a wee and we have to encourage her to go a lot unless she’s alone like in the morning when she wakes up or during the night.
However she just will not poo on the toilet. She maybe has 3 times in her life. Until a few days ago we would just put a nappy on her and she would go but now we’re trying cold turkey no nappies and she isn’t going at all. She is making marks in her pants when she trumps though but even if you get her straight on the toilet she won’t go.
I’ve tried sitting her with the iPad tried playing games tried poo land app tried bribes tried a chart.
School are getting a bit fed up with having to change her and aren’t very supporting.
I’ve got a referral to the paediatrician but I’m not sure when the appointment will be. I’m worried it’s something more than just pooing as her half brother and 4 cousins are autistic and one of them have the exact same issue but they are 9 and still poo in a pull up.
Any advice?
Thanks x

I'm not sure on this one sorry given the suspected ASD.

Could you let her pop in the nappy for now but insist that she sits on the potty, wearing the nappy for now?

She must be very uncomfortable poor love.

Thanks I tried this morning saying she can have the nappy but on the loo and it was a definitive no followed by crying and screaming that she wants to play in the nappy and poo. It’s not even that she hides or has a particular place to poop she just does it wherever but in a nappy.
A doctor has never said she could be autistic but with the family history and the traits she shows it’s just something I’m going to ask about. X

A doctor has never said she could be autistic but with the family history and the traits she shows it’s just something I’m going to ask about. X

I think it's definitely worth getting her assessed

Is there anything else you’re worried about with her behaviour or is it just the nappy? Do you think she could have developed a phobia of pooping on the toilet? Have you spoken to your GP or even your health visitor? You said you’ve tried bribery? Anything she really wants if she poops on the toilet. Have you tried a bigger chair type potty? Would that be a good transition instead of straight to the toilet?

My son only just started aged 6, until then he preferred the potty. We didn't stress about it (or tried not to) as we knew he had used the school toilet once or twice. I suppose the potty was a much more comfortable position for him. I don't know what changed, he just said a couple of months ago that we could get rid of the potty now. Will your dd use a potty?

She has a few things that have raised concerns with us like she is terrified of loud noises and really dislikes when her clothes get wet if she washes her hands and things it makes her freak out. She has meltdowns a lot to the point where passers by sometimes ask if I need help so I’ve had some silent worries for a while.
Literally offered her anything she would like I’ve had her pick things that I’ve said I will buy then and there( online) if she does it we’ve bought stuff and said she can have it when she poops and she’s never got it.
She refuses a potty point blank and gets upset that we think she’s a baby.

Definitely worth getting her assessed but it’s quite common for kids to withhold and having a painful poo after constipation can lead to withholding. There’s a lot of books and I read ‘ constipation, withholding and your child ‘ by Antony Cohn.
I made a kind of pact with my son, he could have the nappy on when he needed a poo, he would ask and I would put it on. Stage one go into his bedroom and have a poo, after a period of doing this he graduated to going into the bathroom (nappy on). I left him to do this in private and then changed him with no fuss/clean up/ wash our hands etc. If it was do able he flushed the poo down the toilet with lots of ‘poo going to poo land to play with his friends’ stories.

Next stage I put the kids toilet seat in the toilet and encouraged him to sit on it, we read a story or two and he got more used to it. No pressure to poo! Then encouraged him to sit on it (nappy on) when he needed a poo. Final stage, taped the nappy to the kids toilet seat and when he was ready to we took the nappy off. Took a while but more successful than trying to make him do it.

He had ongoing issues with constipation which he was prescribed Movicol for and has eventually came off this last year. Might be worth speaking to the doctor and trying it or having some at home if you need it.
Also have a look at some of the kids books which generally introduces them to the idea of helping the poo.
Good luck, it will get better x

Said before but I’ll say it again here. It’s more common than you think.

I have a friend who has a similar problem to this. She has a three year old DD who is nearly 4 and in her last year of nursery.

She is tall for her age and looks older. She is also articulate and speaks very clearly.

I had a socially distanced meet in a cafe recently and she brought her DD with her.

Her DD actually ANNOUNCED that she was going to poo and went off into a corner to squat down and poo (presumably in a nappy or pull-up). It was a bizarre sight to see, I can tell you.

She then returned to our table and (in her
most confident and grown-up sounding voice) told my (now embarrassed-looking) friend that she needed changing!

My friend told me that her DD had no problem with wees and is even dry at night but will just not poo on a potty or toilet and she has yet to find a solution.

All I could muster was to suggest a GP visit. I asked her if she had spoken to her DD about it but her DD refuses to discuss it, so she’s not getting anywhere.

My DD’s and I all had wee issues when small, probably attributable to black current juice, but potty refusal for poos is a new one.

I will refer my friend to these threads in case anything here helps.

I suppose the point I’m trying to make is that it’s more common that you would think.