3 year old just doesnt poo in toilet :(

[Peppery123]

I feel so bad for my 3 year old as she absolutely dry in the daytime and has been 4 months before her third birthday. She started nursery which helped I think. And all of a sudden was wearing knickers fine, weeing in the toilet nicely , no accidents.
However, we put a nappy on before she goes to bed as she isnt dry during the night. As soon as the nappy touches skin, she poops. This has been ongoing. Its just frustrating as we have a newborn so getting a very big handful to keep changing both. I feel so bad as partner is rly frustrated, sometimes shouts at her when she does it and says why can't shendo it in the toilet.
Its horrible but in some way I understand hia frustration as she wees fine in the toilet, she also gets the concept of poo goes in the toilet as we always empty it in and she will tell us to flush it!! Its so odd how she never poops in the toilet all day and waits for bedtime for her nappy to go in.
Her stools always smell bad because im guessing shes holding it in for so long?

Nursey teachers have said its normal but havent really offered any solutions just she will donit when shes ready which I get but dont at thensame time as techinally she is potty trained having wees in the toilet. Also, less than a handful of times shes had a poo in toilet but I think thats when she was having an upset tummy - basically couldnt hold it in as its been so infrequent so she knows how/when to do it.
Any advice? I feel horrible when dp gets on at her and starts makng a big show of it because it "reeks"

Nursery are right, it's very common. It will come with time. Maybe before you put her night time happy on take her to the toilet and ask her to try for a poo? Some children don't like the feeling, it scares them, try staying with her, hold her hands while she sits on the toilet so she knows she safe, then obviously big praise if she does one.

This is very very common. A lot of children are scared of pooing in the toilet. It will come.
Google Mr Poo goes to Poo-land, it worked for my little boy

Agree with @Thehogfatherstolemycurry.. can you not sit her on the toilet and put her nappy on her legs and encourage her to poo? Or put her nappy on in the toilet and then when you see the tell tale sign of pooping, pop her on the pot? potty training is hard. She’s doing really well to control her bladder. The nappy-poo thing is probably something she will grow out of

It is common butshe needs to know its not OK. Shes aware she's hiding it in, and she's purposely holding it because she knows a nappy will go on before bed.
I would take her to the toilet before the nappy goes on and tell her if she needs a poo it has to be done in the potty or the toilet because she's far too big to be doing it in her nappy.

@BettyOBarley

Oh wow! Never heard of this..its awesome!!! Just printed it off now. I have a feeling this may work as she loves reading. She will even take books in the toilet and bath with her!
Thank you so much!

There is a Poo goes to Poo-Land app with the full story, sound effects etc. Worked wonders for my son when he was potty training.

Do not take the advice of previous poster to tell her she's far too big to be pooing in nappy. She's 3 FFS and doing brilliantly.

Thanks everyone
We always take her to the toilet before nappy goes in. Me and dp take jt in turns every night. We stay in the toilet with her and keep asking if she needs a poo. Same routine- shell hop on, have a wee and hop off. Never wants to sit down longer and try.
Weve done this for the past month as before we only had an upstairs toilet and it was harder to do as newborn was in room etc . Now wr have a downstairs toilet, weve got in the routine that nappy will only go in after 10 mins of trying to coax her for a poo and nappy only goes on in the toilet. We keep them there on purpose

Pop goes to Pooland app is great. It's conscious so maybe a reward chart would work. Good luck!

What about giving her a tablet to watch cartoons on while she is sitting. Especially good if she gets no tv any other time. Eventually she might get so relaxed it slips out. And are you giving rewards? A chocolate for doing a poo on the toilet might be the motivation she needs.

Your dp really has to stop saying things, that will only make it worse and it's very unfair on her. It will make her feel ashamed

For starters your ‘D’P needs to stop shouting at her and making a big show of his frustration.

Fwiw my DS refused to poo anywhere other than in a nappy until he was 4. We tried everything under the sun and nothing worked. He just went on the toilet one day, and that was that.

I could have written this myself as it’s just like my 3 year old little boy, he’s nailed wees in the potty, but wears a nappy for bed and only poos in it, sometimes I’m the middle of the night and will sleep in it, he’s not fussed and gets annoyed that I have to wake him up late to change him. He doesn’t poo at all in the day,
I am scared of not putting a nappy on him at bedtime just in case he poos himself. But tonight he did a poo on the potty for the first time 😀so maybe he’s getting it ! 😃

Pirate Pete is good too. I told my little one that Poohs were hard to get on the potty and said I’d give him ice cream each time. It worked wonders- he was pooh trained before wee

Said before but I’ll say it again here. It’s more common than you think.

I have a friend who has a similar problem to this. She has a three year old DD who is nearly 4 and in her last year of nursery.

She is tall for her age and looks older. She is also articulate and speaks very clearly.

I had a socially distanced meet in a cafe recently and she brought her DD with her.

Her DD actually ANNOUNCED that she was going to poo and went off into a corner to squat down and poo (presumably in a nappy or pull-up). It was a bizarre sight to see, I can tell you.

She then returned to our table and (in her
most confident and grown-up sounding voice) told my (now embarrassed-looking) friend that she needed changing!

My friend told me that her DD had no problem with wees and is even dry at night but will just not poo on a potty or toilet and she has yet to find a solution.

All I could muster was to suggest a GP visit. I asked her if she had spoken to her DD about it but her DD refuses to discuss it, so she’s not getting anywhere.

My DD’s and I all had wee issues when small, probably attributable to black current juice, but potty refusal for poos is a new one.

I will refer my friend to these threads in case anything here helps.

I suppose the point I’m trying to make is that it’s more common that you would think.

Contact the specialists

Another one suggesting the poo goes to Pooland app. Ds was out of nappies for several months but would wait for bedtime nappy until he pooed. One day it just happened. Oh and I had to leave him to it, won't poo with an audience.

Another vote for 'Poo goes to Pooland'. I printed off the illustrations, coloured them in (!) folded and stapled them into a little book and we read it a couple of times a day. It felt bizarre reading about a Poo family- but it worked a treat and poos went in the loo, not the pants.

I would reiterate that it's totally normal and she will get it soon. It's highly likely you won't need a specialist. Try to stay calm and persist. You'll get there.

My dd was like this, I let her have her tablet on the toilet the first few times to distract her until she was used to the feeling. She was upset the first couple of times as I think the feeling scared her but got used to it. She likes to have a story book to look at while she sits now.

She'll have issues about your partner shouting at her and telling her she smells for having a pooh when she feels more comfortable. Tell dp to fuck up he's making it worse not better. she'll get there eventually, great advice from other posters.

Mine was exactly like this. In the end we used a reward chart, with a sticker each time he did a poo in the potty, with a treat if he got 5 stickers. It worked wonders!