Hi! I’m sorry you are feeling this way. It’s not easy with small children. I have worked in a preschool for ten years with 3-4 year olds ( demanding but very enjoyable) and now I am studying and look after my son all alone who is 3 years old (demanding and Utterly exhausting and yes he can drive me up the walls but very enjoyable 😂)
Anyway small Children often present changes in behaviour (wet themselves or refuse to eat/become picky/nightmares/ etc the list is long)
Completely normal and if these changes are handled positively In a calm Manner it shall pass soon. We just used to say if they wet themselves don’t worry/it’s ok, a little accident /change them , all calm and smiley and move on.
Little brother/ new nursery ...Yes, Those are very big changes for them!! What they feel is fear a lot of fear. And yes he needs your attention more than ever. And he got your attention by not wanting to go to toilet. Not because he wants to annoy you the contrary ... he loves you more than anyone else and he needs you. And needs your empathy. Children are programmed to call attention, its a survival instinct. Be it a positive or negative way. It’s the same for them.( it’s us adults who label what’s bad what’s good that often equals to what is convenient for us and what’s not...) and they don’t know why and what they feel exactly and even less so why they react the way they react (many adults aren’t capable of that neither😅)
Giving lots of attention to positive behaviour works and setting time aside to play with them (child led play)
Empowering them works also wether or not special needs child. Try maybe involving him in taking care of little brother. Wetwipe, nappies ,feeding...
In housework cooking and Praise and Praise.
Does he go to nursery/preschool? I am sure they can help /come up with ideas and even encourage him to use the toilet again.
There is also a wonderful book to help better understand small children and what specific actions adults can take to bring about positive behaviour: Incredible Years. I bought it on Amazon as soon as I finished a course (same title) at the local Sure Start Center (although the section on “time out” I firmly believe Is outdated...completely useless method for small children - neuroscience has advanced a lot these past decade...unfortunately these forms of punishment /shaming for behaviour control is still used by many, even in some educational settings)
Anyway best of luck! It is not easy to be a mummy. Still we are lucky There is so much help out there.
Raising/educating children it’s such a rewarding journey, so much to learn ...I always remind myself that Every reaction that my child ignites in me
Is very much rooted in my childhood. So I must practice more empathy for them And for myself,too.😊