Hello
Please help! My daughter potty trained seamlessly in 7 days age 2 years 4 months. She had probably only a handful of accidents - maybe 4- since potty training. But since around feb last year (just after she was 3) she has started at home and in the afternoons getting what we call "wet knickers" ie she holds it in and in and then leaks or doesn't get to the loo in time so when she does she has a bit more of an accident.
Recently she has got a bit worse even had a few full on accidents ( max 3) at montessori over the last few months( previously the issue has been at home only). I've tried to see if it's a physical problem but when I constantly bribe her with smarties etc she does go and it works.
But again it's got really bad at home. I'm just going to write down the facts below and see if anyone can help?
- in November before the feb it all started we got a nanny before I went back to work full time form maternity leave (we have a younger daughter who is now 1.5)
- the nanny kept not taking my dd1 out of her night nappies after her lunch time nap and I'd come home from work around 5.30 and find my daughter still wearing them. So I had to tell her look she can't wear a nappy all afternoon she is potty trained. It took a few times where I caught the nanny out leaving dd1 in her night nappy but then she stopped. Nanny went home for xmas came back in Jan. And around then this issue started ... I'm not sure if relevant.
- my daughter otherwise seems fine. She is happy loved montessori lots of friends etc no issues at school
- the nanny my mum thinks has a favouritism for dd2 but my dd1 and nanny are v close. They often tell each other they love each other etc. My dd1 has never expressed upset about the nanny
-but issue is when we ask her to
Go for a wee she just refuses. And I've heard (working from home) the nanny asking again and again and eg if they are going to the park nanny is saying come in now I'm going for a wee before we go out you should too and "you don't want to get wet knickers" or "don't you want your big girl treat later if you don't get wet knickers" but it's maybe almost got worse- the more we ask the worse it gets
- we went on holiday with friends in the summer and dd1 seemed so much better with going to the toilet. No issue no fight etc
Sometimes I had to get her to come with me and she would protest a bit but generally it was fine
- we got back and I said to nanny please no more pestering her. I love our nanny but was a bit disappointed to hear her setting timers again etc to encourage dd1 to go for a wee etc. I think she felt pressure as the issue had disappeared when we went away.
-when dd 2 goes for a nap it's just dd1 and nanny for 1.5 hours. Nanny often then makes her lunch (ie not eating with kids) and then I've caught her often sitting on her phone etc while dd1 plays alone. I keep asking if she will do activities with her but basically she will do max 10 mins of activities with her but otherwise it's sort of solo time for dd1. Not sure if relevant !
- it's been up and down for a bit but now has turned so much worse. She had a few more accidents at school. They weren't too fussed said she gets fomo and doesn't want to miss out by going to toilet. But now when I ask her to go she gets really stubborn, set look on her fac, says but I don't need the toilet etc. She just refuses. If I sit her on it she goes floppy and sinks into the toilet ! She just won't do it...
She even had poo in her knickers a few times last few weeks it's just getting worse and I don't know what to do.
- at night she wears night nappies still. She tried a few weeks ago to take them off after she got
Into bed as she so wants to not wear them anymore but wet the bed and obviously we have to encourage her for now she needs night knickers on until they're dry in the morning. I've tried waking her in the night to take her for a pee. It's only worked once otherwise they're already wet and she doesn't do a pee half asleep.
- yesterday I tried to act "unimpressed" when she had poo and pee in her knickers. I just said well you can't get your treat (she screamed for about an hour) and then she tried to go to bed and then was crying saying I just want to make everyone happy but then a second later she acts like it's nothing and just sort of like she doesn't care ?!? . I love her so much I don't know how to make this easier for her ?
Should I try speak to a therapist ? Any ideas? She starts school soon and at worst it actually smells quite a bit so I don't want her to smell of pee or have poo in her knickers. She is 4 in January .
Any help welcome!