Nursery and potty training

[HoldingForGeneralHugs]

Hi was wondering if anyone has any advice?

My ds is 3 and 3months, we have been loosely potty training him for a while as im not quite sure hes ready.
At home we ask him if he needs to go on the potty every 30mins to 45mins and he will go if he needs a wee. And once hes done his morning poo (sorry tmi) i try to go nappy free if we arnt going out.
However he wont tell us if he needs to go, so sometimes he was start to wet himself stop tell me he is wet and i will put him on the potty other times he will wet through.
Im just carrying on with this hoping it will click especially as he is telling me when he is wet.

Now the nursery everytime i pick him up (so three times a week!!) ask me if i am potty training him yet as he is doing lots of wees on the toilet and is ready and everytime i say yes loosely but i dont think he is ready as he doesnt tell us when he needs to go.
Even last week one of his key workers said maybe he isnt ready after a day of accidents.

Tonight i pick my son up and the owner of the business hands him over (i think she was with the group for the day)and asks me yet again are you potty training, i say yes, and she goes on about wouldnt it be nice if he was out of nappies and telling me to explain to him the difference between wee and poo as he gets them mixed up (i do every-time he mixes it up!!) and to really hit it hard. And this was all in-front of another dad!!

Now i get shes trying to help they all are but it is getting my down that they arnt remembering what i tell them three times a week and not listening when i say hes not quite there yet but i am trying.

I just feel like a failure and that im being judged. Yet everywhere its says in the childs own time and boys might take longer.

Am i doing it wrong? Any tips or ideas are very welcome

Hi the nursery sound like arseholes. I took my son round a nursery to look around. I said I was potty training and hoped he'd be done by the time he went. He was 2 years and 8months. Hell be 3 yrs and 3 months and she made it clear that it didn't matter whether he would be trained or not. We had a few false starts. We stopped and started again. What is your gut telling you? If you think he needs a but longer, then stop Nd start again in a month?

Hi thank you for your response 😊 my gut is telling me hes not ready.
Saturday was a good day wee every 45mins on the potty nothing in the pull up, yesterday not so good small wees in the potty and a few in his pull up! Just no consistency with the child!

He started there when he was about 1 and half and i was so happy with them. And couldnt rate them higher. He had a few different key workers but they were all lovely.
But since hes moved up a group in sept it all seems to have changed. There been a couple of things that i have not been happy with but just let it go as he is happy there and doing so well (apart from potty training!)

My little boy was exactly the same, I think every 45 mins is a lot to wee and a sign they dont have much control. I left it a bit, carried on with pull ups but didn't get him to go on the toilet and if he asked he did. I then started again and instead it weeing 20 times a day he was weeing 15 times a day. He was still having accidents so again I left it a bit and then started again. I finally changed him to pants as he was weeing about ten times a day and I thought taht would be manageable. He was having an accident at least once a day and then reduced his wees to about 7 times a day. I was about to give up as he was having an accident every day and then suddenly he was dry. He's been dry all day for over three weeks now. This happened between 2 years and 6 months and he was dry at 2 years 9 months.

I have worked in nurseries for over 20 years and they shouldn't be putting pressure on you. I would ask for a meeting with the keyworker and the owner/manager explain what your process is and look at ways you can work together for the same end goal. Make it clear you don't appreciate your son being discussed in front of another parent and also ask they don't discuss it in front of your son as this may not be helping him. At the end of the day you all want the same end goal and they need to support you.

He does drink alot so the 45minutes stops leaks but i agree he only goes because i tell him too. The nursery recommend this technique and other friends have used it, but it confused me to be honest!

Thats really helpful thank you! @pb1234. They keep saying they want to work with me but dont listen and keep pushing it its very frustrating!
I know its hard for them, handover is at the door we arnt allowed in they bring the children to us. His keyworkers are normally good and lower their voices or take me to the side if another parent is there but the owner did none of this. But your right i am going to talk to them about it (dont think ill get a meeting with lockdown!)

Our nursery are doing zoom or FaceTime calls with parents who have things to discuss or just a general update so that may be an option for you. Just remember he is your son and you will instinctively know what is right for him people are always experts on other people's children. Good luck.

I hadnt even thought of zoom/facetime! They havent said anything but doesnt mean they arnt, hes in tomorrow so i will ask then.

Thank you for your help, you have reassured me! I wasnt sure if i was being precious or not. But i do know him better than anyone so im going to follow that.