Please help! Daughter age 2yr 4 months refusing to sit on potty!

[Secondchance2891]

Hi all,

I know the opinion on this topic is sooooo varied, but I am getting so stressed about this, and feel so much pressure from others (especially MIL). I have tried to start potty training my little girl during the summer but, i admit I didn't fully commit as I felt she just wasn't getting it. The last week or so, she keeps saying 'Mummy I done a poo' and hiding to do it. She then kept holding her nappy and looking at me as if to say, 'I am weeing', so I kind of took these as positive signs. We have read books to her, played princess polly on the potty to death, and tried to do sticker charts etc. Yesterday, I took the big step of putting pants on her and doing the 30min alarm and making it a big fun thing with lots of praise. At first she just wee'd everywhere so I did the whole 'nevermind lets clean up thing', and tried to get her on the potty. Sometimes, she would sit on it with her clothes on, but whenever I try to pull her pants down so she has bare skin to potty, she goes mental. Today, she is not having any of it. Arching back, massive tantrums and resistance. The problem is, she is the size of a 3-4 year old so people think she should be further along than she is. Also, we had a car accident 3 weeks ago, then I had hernia surgery 2 weeks ago, so I am massively struggling with the stress of it all. The Health visitors say 'you are the parent, you know when she is ready, the average age apparently is 3-3 and half'. But I honestly don't know if/when she is ready, and my confidence is on the floor.

Please, anyone, some reassurance or advice??

Thank you! Rant over :)

This is probably not what you want to hear but I'd just leave it. It sounds like you have enough on your plate without worrying about this too! She's obviously not ready and you risk making it really traumatic for both of you if you keep forcing the issue. Give yourselves a break!

Thanks whoami24601, I may do. Although I have just asked my mum to come and help as I've had enough now, and she won' t take any nonsense! I feel committed now! I must be mad !

Honestly, please leave it. Try again in a few months.
If you let your mum try to force it you'll end up with a very upset daughter and a worse problem around toilet training.
How your daughter feels matters more than how your mum feels.
Back off, pop her back in nappies for now. The bigger deal you make it, the worse it will be.
She's clearly not ready. And that's ok.

Sounds way too stressful. She’s still pretty young to be potty training. I’d flatly ignore MIL and leave it for a fair few months, long enough for her to forget the stress, then just got pantsless from the start. If you’re potty training, she shouldn’t be in a nappy, that’s too confusing.

I agree with PPs that she doesn't sou d ready to venture on the potty just yet. But, fwiw my two didn't get on with the potty and did much better on the toilet with a booster seat and step stool. So might be worth giving that a go. If not, leave it for a bit but leave the potty out in view, make teddy or dolls go it and give them lots of praise, and try again in a few months.

I would leave it for now. Once it's becoming a battle to make her use the potty it's not going to work. You sound like you have enough stress in your life at the moment and she may be picking up on that too.
The last child I potty trained was a bit like this, she had all the signs of being ready from about 2yrs2m and we tried three times, but it was a battle of wills, she just did not want to sit on the potty. We left it for a few weeks but kept the potty out, kept the pants in her drawer and just gently reminded her about them every now and then. When she was 2yrs7m she asked to wear pants one day and we just went for it and in three days she was clean and dry.

Leave it for a while she is still small. It’s not something they can choose it’s when their body is ready with the right signals. Knowing she is doing poo is good sign you may be able to offer the loo or potty if you see her looking like she needs a poo. But knowing when are wee is coming is much more difficult and tricky without more than a second notice. You do neither of your any favours making it stressy and something you dread. Rest up!

You are going to do more damage than good, please don't continue, lay off the pressure and try again in warmer weather. (If you are UK)

She is not ready. We tried twice with DD but she was the same refused to go on the potty etc. Next opportunity was just before she turned 3 and it only took 2 days. DS was the same and took 3 days.

If you push before she is ready it will become a big deal.

Leave it for now, she's letting you know she's not ready even if your MIL is.

My DS was the same at 2.5, I waited until he was just turning three and he was fully trained in two days. He's literally never had an accident since. He was just ready!

I really regret putting too much pressure on my kid. Now at just after 3 it clicked and within 3 weeks she was dry day and night.

Definitely leave it! Wait until she is really ready. I left it until just before my two were 3 and they didn't have a single accident, no puddles, no pooey knickers to wash or chuck, it was super easy! Also as a mother of a boy who is a giant, you must let go of what others think and their expectations because your child is tall, not be sucked into thinking that she should be further ahead developmentally just because she is taller.

I agree, leave it for a few months yet. You need to defuse the battle that it has become.
My own DDs never liked the potty, and preferred a child seat on the adult lavatory. Yours might be the same.
I sold it to my DDs as “ being grown up, using the big girls’ toilet.” They were much keener on that! They also liked to flush the cistern button themselves, waving “bye bye, poo!” as they did so.
Your DD will be gaining lots of vocabulary at the moment. In a few months it will be much easier to communicate with her verbally, and she may by then have enough language to explain why she hates the potty or what her problem is with toilet training.
Stay calm, accept that it takes time, but most kids get there in the end. Good luck!

I would leave it. My dc have all been trained a bit later, but were trained in less than a week as they were completely ready.

Wow, thank you all. I agree I am putting the pressure on her from pressure above and that's not in her best interest. I do take everything so personally and I had a bad time when she was born so feel I am overcompensating. My husband and I agree to stop now until she shows more signs of being ready. Thank you

Another one for leave it, you'll make it into a fight and it should be a happy and positive experience. I had resistance. , we stopped and started again and he's now trained.