Are we getting anywhere or is she just not ready?

[JaneEyreFunfair]

We're trying to potty train my two and a half year old and I think I need some outside perspective.

We had a first attempt when she was only just two and that was definitely too early - just multiple wees on the floor all day long with no warning and no sign that she was becoming more aware that she was doing it.

So we went back to nappies and are trying again now. She is obviously much more ready now, but we're still having problems.

• She seems to have much more physical control of the muscles now, so if we put her on the potty regularly she will often let go and do a wee while she's on there.
• We are catching the majority of her wees this way, but still having a couple of accidents a day. It's been a week and a half and there hasn't been much improvement since the first few days.
• It doesn't feel as though we're making any progress towards her knowing that she needs to wee. A few times she has told us she's wet, and once told us that she was weeing, but a lot of the time she seems happily oblivious (she's in training pants, so she should be able to feel it).
• We haven't managed to pick up on any giveaway signs that she needs a wee. (Poos are much more obvious, and she's also much more aware that she's doing them).
• She's going back to her childminder next week after two weeks off, and I'm dreading the idea of sending her with multiple changes of clothes.

So - what do you think? Is this a normal part of the process and we need to push ahead until it clicks with her, or will she be more ready if we wait longer? We're also expecting our second baby in the new year, so really do not want to be doing this with a newborn as well if at all possible!

I presume your childminder has her own older children - did your childminder indicate your DD was ready to be potty trained?

She is pretty neutral about it, whenever we bring it up she just says she's happy to go with whatever we are doing at home. I am going to talk to her about it again before DD goes back, though.

I’d just keep going if I were you. Lots of back and forwards into nappies and out again is going to confuse her. Bare bum at home, commando when out and about, try on the potty regularly. She’ll get there eventually. I don’t really believe in the idea that they get more ready, just more set in their ways!

Is she giving you any idea that she needs a wee, or are you just regularly putting her on the potty? Until she’s aware that she needs a wee, it’s going to be a bit of a slog.

I concede this is just my experience, but both DC were potty trained within 3 days. However, and this is key, we didn't do it until we were absolutely certain they were ready. I can't actually remember how we knew exactly but we knew that a) they could hold it and b) they did know that they were wee'ing and I think, importantly, c) they knew what we were doing with the potty training and (more or less) wanted it too.

In DS' case, this was at about 2 and a half, but DD was quite a lot later at almost 3. Prior to that we had chatted with them a lot, offered them the option to try/sit on potty etc. Physically, I'm pretty sure DD was ready a LOT earlier but she just really really really did not want to give up nappies or do the potty thing (and in fact, she pretty much went straight to the toilet when she did do it eventually).

I think that potty training that takes weeks and causes endless stress is too awful to comtemplate so personally, I'd be ditching it for a while.

My daughter showed improvement immediately - she had one full accident and after that stopped herself after a bit of wee and then finished on the potty. Had it cracked in a few weeks. I'd leave it for now and come back to it when she's a little older, she's still very much at the younger end of the suitable age range for potty training.

I understand concerns about doing it with a newborn (I had similar so had some unsuccessful attempts at training earlier on), but ended up training her when the new baby was 2 months old. Wasn't as issue at all.

Sorry that should have said she had it cracked in a few days. Definitely not weeks!

If she’s over her birthweight and gaining nicely (which it sounds like she is), I would just feed on demand. If she wants to sleep for 6 hours, I’d go with it! As long as she’s getting at least 8-12 feeds in 24 hours, you’re grand. As for the formula, the best time to supplement to avoid messing with your milk supply would be in the evening, as long as you’re then giving her a feed in the early hours of the morning.

We did if at 2 and even tho it was fucking awful for the first week and took 3-4 weeks total (more than people say it should take) we got there in the end. Perseverance is key

My child at 2.3 cracked it much faster.

We didn't do any training pants we did naked from the bottom down and a reward (a sticker or choc button for every potty use) I reminded her constantly and made a huge fuss when she successful used the potty. We even FaceTimes grandparents to make a huge fuss.

With DD age 2.5 we had I think two accidents and she was done (day and night) - we thought she was ready a few months earlier but DS was about to be born so we decided to wait a bit. With DS age 3+, we hadn't seen any signs he was ready but he said he wanted to wear big boy pants and refused to wear a nappy and we had weeks of accidents but we got there in the end. I think in your position, and if childminder OK with it, I'd try to persevere.

My pretty switched on 2.5yr old took about 3 weeks, which really surprised me as I thought she'd be quick to catch on. Similar to you, it was fine if we kept putting her on the potty but she never did it herself. I started saying to her regularly "remember to use the potty if you need a wee", instead of making her do one when I said. I'm not sure if this made the difference or if she just needed the 3 weeks, but it is probably worth carrying on (and dont be put off by all quick ones, my 3yr old did it in 3 days, but probably should have got out of nappies sooner)

I wouldn't use training pants but proper pants wich she has picked. And rewards like stickers and just keep going its a messy job but life is easier once they have cracked it.