2y old boy, in slow potty training since 8 months, how to officially train?

[boyohboymama]

My boy just turned 2 years old. We have a bit of a unique situation with potty training I think because we've been doing it for almost a year and a half!
We first introduced him to the potty at around 8 months old and we all thought it was amazing that he would poop and pee pretty much every time we put him on the potty...We still kept him in a diaper for the remainder of the time. Currently convincing him that he has to go sit on the potty is getting harder as he is havingtypical "terrible 2s" temper tantrums and refusing to comply. He has never officially told us that he needs to use the potty but if you can convince him to sit he will usually go.

We have tried to officially get rid of diapers the last few months but he is not understanding that when he feels full he must go to the potty - he will just pee in his pants or even on the floor if you leave him naked, at which point he tells us that he has peed and we clean it up.

I am looking for advice as to how to move to the next step - to have him understand when he needs to pee before he pees. How do you teach this? Does it come on its own? Should we forget about the potty all together for a while and then reintroduce it at a later time again?

I feel like because "potty training" has been dragging for so long he will have a harder time actually being potty trained than a regular boy who is following a more traditional quick potty training process. Help?

I read somewhere that when a child can walk up the stairs one leg at a time (i.e. using both legs as opposed to using one leg and bringing the other up to meet it) then they're ready. It's something to do with coordination. I waited until DD could do that. Then, I told her we were finished with nappies and she'd be using the toilet or potty from now on. I'd kept the potty around and let her try it when she wanted, but it was all very laid back. When I saw her using both legs to go upstairs that was it. Done deal. We went and chose some knickers. No nappies from one day to the next.

She was just under three. And all the signs were there before. She knew what the potty was... had pull-ups, came and watched on the toilet, told me when she was having a wee etc. The key for me was no pressure. I never made a big deal out of it and she was never scared or anxious.

All those posters commenting how awful it is putting a younger child on a potty and how it's verging on child abuse - you do realise that that's what humanity did for centuries before disposable nappies became widely available? It wasn't only "poverty stricken countries". Generations of people were not emotionally or physically scarred from this.

And why is it so awful to put an 8 months old on a potty for 5 minutes a few times a day anyway? Is it ok to put them on the floor? A baby seat? How is a potty wildly different? Mine just sat there and played with their toys.

Anyway, I came on here to support the OP and give her encouragement as she's chosen a method that isn't very well known in Western world and everyone was questioning her why so early. It isn't, just depends on what method you choose.

I do think you should hold off with pants and just carry on using potty alongside nappies for a bit longer, OP. You're doing great and he'll get there in time.

,I am looking for advice as to how to move to the next step - to have him understand when he needs to pee before he pees. How do you teach this? Does it come on its own? Should we forget about the potty all together for a while and then reintroduce it at a later time again?'

Ok. I am not an expert but I did potty train my daughter using ,oh crap' at two years old. Have a read this book. I can see a few issues that were highlighted in the book. First of all, you have started at 8 months old. At that age you didn't potty train your child but you were lucky to catch him when needed. You cannot teach your child the need to pee before he pees as it would come at different stages. Saying that, the way you have ,teach' him to use the toilet might cause the issue as he never had to recognise his own needs but it was you that asked him to sit on the potty. This might be counterproductive in his understanding of using the potty. My advice is: stop using the potty all together. Read ,oh crap' book and restart the potty training when he forgets about the negative experience of using the potty. Looking at your post it looks like you associate the negative behaviour with using the potty, which might further cause the issue. I hope that helps.

OP we have done something similar, though not quite as well as you! Nursery has somewhat got in the way but DD will go on the potty when you put her there. At 22 months I'm now also wondering how to move to full time potty. I'm planning to try for real when she turns 2.

I don't think you've created negative associations about the potty or anything. I think some of the commenters here maybe don't know much about elimination communication etc. so are just unfamilar with the idea presented here!

I think the trick might just be to offer the potty frequently, brush past mistakes, praise success and keep trying. That's sort of my plan.

@xtinak

I think a majority of us do understand elimination communication. But evidently you end up in no 'better' place than if you just wait until around 2 like most people.

The only benefit I can see if that it reduces nappy useage.

But the negative is that it appears to cause more confusion and stress because parents aren't entirely sure when to potty train properly.

It then also feels as if you've been potty training for a long time

you do realise that that's what humanity did for centuries before disposable nappies became widely available?

I'd be pretty sure you're wrong about this @CarrotPuff

I'm 43, no disposable nappies when me or siblings growing up - and no elimination communication either! TT at 2, like, er, now.

I clearly wasn't around when my mother, for example, was growing up, but have seen photos of many nappy-glad toddlers, definitely no 8 month olds on potties then.

You're pretty supercilious really aren't you? Telling people definitive 'facts' & not caring that you're actually incorrect.

Why on earth would you potty train a 8 month old??
When children are ready, they do it almost overnight. No accidents, nothing.
Why would you push your child any sooner?

@xtinak

OP we have done something similar, though not quite as well as you! Nursery has somewhat got in the way but DD will go on the potty when you put her there. At 22 months I'm now also wondering how to move to full time potty. I'm planning to try for real when she turns 2.

I don't think you've created negative associations about the potty or anything. I think some of the commenters here maybe don't know much about elimination communication etc. so are just unfamilar with the idea presented here!

I think the trick might just be to offer the potty frequently, brush past mistakes, praise success and keep trying. That's sort of my plan.

I hope it will work for you but it clearly didn't work for OP. If the child resents sitting on the potty that is negative association with the potty. Furthermore, evidence has shown that racing into potty training can actually be a cause of later bladderr and bowel problems.. www.allaboutincontinence.co.uk/blog/dangers-early-potty-training

@ScarMatty

I didn't mean to cause upset. Like a lot of parenting choices, whichever one you do is almost certainly going to turn out fine!

I think I did this because I kind of like this idea of recognising babies as having a lot of skills. I was amazed when my 6 month old was able to use a potty. It was skill she had, not something I taught her. It made me see her in a whole new way. I also feel like it fits her personality somehow. We have never been able to use a high chair or a cot, so we've had to find alternative ways for her which usually just means using the adult version of stuff! (She is no prodigy or anything, I'm not implying that - totally average seeming language wise etc.) I'm sure other people experience different benefits to doing it the way they choose.

I just wanted to defend to OP against a suggestion that she has done something bad or wrong. I think people sometimes imply this because they feel defensive about their own choices. But everyone here has made a choice that works for them and I'm sure all the kids will be fine!

I was amazed when my 6 month old was able to use a potty. It was skill she had, not something I taught her.

You 6 month old was able to use the potty because you sat her on it. Any baby can do that. It's not a skill and it most definitely is something you taught her.

She didn't go "mummy, I need a wee, pass the potty please and I'll pop myself on it. You grab a tea whilst I'm busy, I'll let you know when I'm done"

@thedifferentlive I don't think that's a reliable source. It doesn't quote any studies. My child resents brushing their teeth, wearing clothes, eating food and going to sleep...isn't that just what toddlers do!?

@ScarMatty It worked first time. I do perceive it as a skill. Babies have skills, like feeding, recognising their mother's face etc. It's just that a lot of their skills are initially designed to work in a mother-baby dyad, so if I can recognise her signs of needing to to the toilet then I can facilitate it. It's like a shared skill. I think it's really cool. But there shouldn't be any judgment around how each parent decides to do things. Everyone can do what they feel works for them and their child, there is no issue!

I'm not incorrect. I might be incorrect on place or timing though. I'm 34 and this is what my mum did when I was a baby. As well as all her peers at the time. Not in UK though. And there's plenty of nations in Asia and Africa that do it to this day. No one of us grew up with with lifelong physical issues.

@xtinak my 2 year old is also stubborn little girl but she still will tell me to go to the toilet and that she needs to wee or poop. She also will communicate that she likes one particular potty but not the other but she doesn't resent to go to her favourite potty. The potty training took 3 days and we really have accidents. She also potty trained herself at night. Children are different and one will get early to the potty training stage than the other. I agree that the source is not signposting to the evidence. I hope your strategy will work well for you, but in case it doesn't, I really recommend ,oh crap' book.

I agree 8 months was too young and what you were doing was basically reflex training which may now be proving confusing for him. However I don't think 2 is too young to train him and I disagree with people just saying wait til he's 'ready'. For some that'll work but if you leave it til any later than 2.5 you'll end up having a much bigger battle of wills and you might get lucky or you might get a child who's stubborn and doesn't want to learn and they may as a consequence have big trouble learning. I had great success with my just turned 2YO with the oh crap potty training method based on a book of the same name. It's well worth a read and totally opposes some of the above views of wait til they're 'ready' I didn't think my 2YO was ready but it was an absolute doddle. Most kids will have the cognition to get what is required of them between age 2 and 2.5. Think of all the awesome things they can do at this age and then ask yourself if you really think they're not smart enough to realise that their business belongs in the toilet. Read the book and essentially the principle advice is have them bare from the waist down with the potty right there until they get it which will likely be remarkably quick and then introduce lower garments gradually. Expect a few accidents but try not to back down as they need to know that this is the way we do things now. Good luck x

To everyone who has never heard of such thing as putting a baby on a potty when they are old enough to sit - many other cultures/parents in other countries do it that way. It is by no means a wrond way to potty train.

My son LOVED sitting on the potty signing songs and reading books together for a few minutes several times a day and it really was a special bonding time for us.

Problem that we are having currently is terrible twos, of going against everything parent suggests because that's their development state... we are by no means pressuring him to potty train, but we are encouraging him. He is clearly not ready and maybe this process that we have chosen is long and overdrawn but I wouldn't have done it any different honestly. But I'll definitely follow the advice and step back from having him off diapers at this point.

OP if you're on Facebook there's a great group called EC UK. Lots of useful advice on there.

It sounds like he's going through a "potty pause". I would try to offer it, but don't get stressed out if he refuses. It will pass and he will accept it again. Good luck!

Ds started preschool a month before he was 3, he was still in nappies, preschool told me to send him in pants & send spare clothes, he came out wet every day for about a month before I started to send him in pullups again. He got himself dry in the day when we went away with my parents for a week later that year, he started to go to the toilet with his grandad when we were out & about, it took another 3-4 months before he was dry at night.

@CarrotPuff

OP if you're on Facebook there's a great group called EC UK. Lots of useful advice on there.

It sounds like he's going through a "potty pause". I would try to offer it, but don't get stressed out if he refuses. It will pass and he will accept it again. Good luck!

I'm genuinely confused though. Why would you want to essentially drag a process out for longer than necessary though when it's not beneficial?

m genuinely confused though.
Why would you want to essentially drag a process out for longer than necessary though when it's not beneficial?

This. It took me half an hour and a pack of chocolate buttons to toilet train mine. No potty, straight to toilet.

I never got why people spent months carting around potties and bags of clothes when their children clearly didn’t have enough control to make a toilet 10 feet away and just pissed on the floor at baby ballet instead, even with mum following it round with a potty.

Much of the time, ime, it appeared to be for bragging rights over how “advanced” their child was being out of nappies at 2 years old or whatever.

Some reasons people might like to do it this way:
Environmental reasons
Avoiding nappy rash
Avoiding poo nappies
Some people find it helps with constipation
The communication aspect

I waited till mine was 3 and he was "trained" within one week. I can't see why that isn't better than starting as a baby, when most children won't have the physical control until at least 2 (and boys often later I've heard)

I'm genuinely confused though.
Why would you want to essentially drag a process out for longer than necessary though when it's not beneficial?

Agree 💯