3.5 yo can only poo standing up...

[Sugarcoma]

... in his nappy in his bed in the evening.

Wees are in the potty and he wears pants during the day.

We were trying for ages to get him to poo in the potty then backed off for a few weeks because I was worried we'd give him a complex.

But today it was clear he needed to poo all afternoon then finally, in the middle of dinner, he ran to his room, threw himself into his bed and sharted in his pants before getting very upset and asking for a nappy.

We cleaned him up then sat him on the potty for absolutely ages but he was squirming and squirming holding it in and getting really distressed.

Finally I gave him his nappy and said he could do it standing up but it had to be in the bathroom - he can't do his poos in the bed anymore - and that did work although he struggled.

I'm thinking if he can get used to pooing in the bathroom then we can work up to him doing it on the actual toilet? But I don't know how because he just can't seem to do it sitting down.

It was really distressing to watch how upset he was today - does anyone have any advice?

Ah bless him. Has he said why he won’t poo on the potty? Would he be more comfortable on the toilet? My daughter used to hold her poos but one day it just clicked for her. I don’t have any real advice other than the usual reward charts, distraction on toilet, blowing bubbles when trying to poo.

Has he got a potty he could stand over to do it in the bathroom? Then you could gradually progress to sitting on the potty/toilet?

Sorry he is having a hard time with it, it's awful seeing them upset and feeling helpless!

Theres a book called poo goes to Pooland, might be worth looking at with him?

This is soooo common. Many of my friends went through similar and all of them are happily using the toilet now.
I don't know what worked for all of them but one friend bought a fireman sam fire engine and put it on a high shelf and was told he could have it when he did his poo on the potty (I'm sure this advice will be slated) she tried absolutely everything else and was at the end of her rope.
He still resisted for at least another 3 weeks. One day he just did it.

My DS used to do this - only poo standing up . It’s because of the fear and ingrained from being constipated and passing a painful poo apparently (that’s what his consultant said) we ended up on movicol to make everything softer so that he could re learn that it wasn’t painful and now he isn’t scared and poos on the mini toilet potty thing we have - he’s not brave enough for the big toilet for poos yet !

It’s quite common apparently for them to withhold and then you get in a big cycle of constipation and withholding etc etc

We had similar, would only wee in the potty but eventually would stand/squat over the potty to poo before eventually progressing to the toilet. I've no idea why and no magic cure, we just went with it and it seemed to sort itself.

My DS definitely held it when we started training, he didn't like the feeling of pooing on the potty. The book Oh Crap says this is really common. He even did it in his nappy at night as he'd held it so much. I would sometimes wait a couple of hours while he danced around uncomfortable, getting on the potty and off again, while I waited and convinced him to go on the potty. Once he'd done it for a couple of days he was fine. I would just say we don't poo in nappies any more and see if you can get him to poo on the potty or standing over the potty. I think you might have to go cold turkey on the nappies. My DS was actually quite scared of pooing on the potty, the sensation I suppose, so I would sit with him and cuddle him when he finally would sit on the potty. Oh Crap says they are used to the feeling of pooing in the nappy so it can be a bit of a difficult change for them.

Thanks all for the advice/support.

I read the Oh Crap book when we started PT and really didn't get on with it although obviously I blame myself for not following it now he's having issues. But he just didn't react well to being naked and just wouldn't pee at all and it got to the point I was worried he'd end up with a UTI.

Will definitely try some of the other suggestions on here. The problem is he's not motivated by toys - only junk food - and I really don't want to use junk food as a) as a reward and b) specifically as a reward for pooing! (Just seems a bit odd?)

Although today I was so desperate I promised him a giant chocolate bar and Lego if he did it on the potty - and it just didn't work. He was so distressed it couldn't be outweighed by the bribes.

He's not really v coherent so isn't able to explain why he won't go on the potty. He won't even acknowledge it really.

Just to add - we have a normal potty and also a toddler toilet seat on the toilet and he's always preferred the latter although we did try both today.

Could you line the potty with a nappy?
We never used a potty - straight to the toilet. Ds didn't like the feeling of a poo hanging before it landed!!
Oh what a Sat night topic!!

We had this with my son and his answer when I asked why he didn't like it was that he felt like his body was 'falling out' it must of felt terrifying for him. When I went to work in childcare I realised that it's an extremely common issue especially for boys.

Some dont like the feel of the poo 'falling away' from them hence needing the nappy. Try sitting him on the toilet/potty with a nappy on before progressing.

@Sugarcoma yes totally understand if you don't like Oh Crap, I wasn't suggesting you follow it just that it says it's common and explains why. As a PP said, they say it's the feeling of their body sort of falling out. Also more common if they're over 2.5 which makes sense as they're more used to it. Bribes also didn't work with my son. Trying pooing on potty with nappy is a good idea. I guess he'll have to get used to pooing sitting down. Let us know how it goes

Get him to blow bubbles while on the potty/toilet it will help him to release

@Sugarcoma we used ice cream as a reward.

He was bowel trained before he was bladder trained. He's only just bladder trained now. He has had 3 accident free days in his 'big boy' pants but he's been bowel trained for a month.

He was only poohing every two days (mostly) so it wasn't too bad and we weren't giving loads of ice cream. He's forgotten he had chocolate buttons for wees and he's slowly forgetting he gets ice cream for poohs.
We also held his hand when he was on potty as he was finding it uncomfortable and kept trying to get up. When he felt it coming he would say: mummy hold my hand. 😂 We now don't need to hold his hand any more. I would also reassure him whilst he was poohing. I told him having poohs was hard and that it would come in the end etc etc.

For DD we ended up going straight to the toilet (not mini seat, she just hang in there) and using the poo goes to pooland app, took a couple of weeks but worked for her.
DS also went straight to toilet and loved the pooland app. Might be worth a try?

Poo goes home to pooland. Is an App made by NHS to help kids with this kids of problem. Worth a try.

Are his poos a bit hard and hurting him? You could go to the doctor and discuss giving him a regular dose of stool softeners if this is what’s putting him off. We had something similar to this with my DC and long term stool softeners were required in the end to solve it.