Potty training etiquette when out

[MeadowHay]

Just in the very early days of trying to potty train 26m old DD. What do you do when out and about? E.g. if we took her to soft play unless she's mega reliable by then I'd imagine I would need to put training pants on her? And then if she uses the potty, do I have to take her to the toilets to do that? Can a child of that age hold it long enough to make it to the toilets?! (she definitely can't at the moment!) Sorry if this is silly questions just Im struggling to see how early outings work?! Or can you just not go anywhere like that for however long it takes til they build their ability to hold it long enough to reach the toilets?

Please don't be that parent who just whips the potty out wherever they feel like it to let their child piss and 💩 where they please. It's not hygienic and certainly not pleasant for others

We never used a potty for that reason. It just let's kids think they can do it in any room rather than just waiting to get on the proper toilet - plus you have to carry it around in a play it bag or something! Yuck!

we waited a bit longer to toilet train DD - she was nearly 3 and it worked for us. She was toilet trained over a long weekend and had very very few accidents. I didn't take her to soft play etc for a few weeks until I was confidant that's she could manage telling me she needed the loo even when she was distracted playing and also waiting until we reached the toilets

I used to insist on going for the loo before we left home and then no fruit shoots in the cafe whilst there otherwise you're asking for a whole heap of trouble! 🤣

After a few days you get an idea of how long they can go between wees and how long after a drink they need to go. When you get somewhere (like soft play) I would take them straight to the loo, then just keep an eye on their cues, take them regularly - you can phrase it as mum needs to go so why don't you have a try too. I wouldn't do training pants and I would only use the potty in the loo - after a week or so they can usually hold it a minute or too whilst you sprint to the loo with them.

I stayed in for about 3 days to see how long DD could wait between saying she needed to go and going; I don’t know if I’ll get flamed for this but if they can’t wait 2 minutes to get to the loo then maybe it’s a bit early? I’ve also found just taking them to the toilet regularly helps avoid the sudden desperation; so before you get in the car, maybe half way through soft play or other activity etc. Apart from at the park or long car journeys where there are no toilets I’ve always taken DD to the toilets and if necessary asked to skip the queue if DD is desperate which people are good about. I wouldn’t put a child back into a nappy to go out.
I had a carry potty for the car so we could pull over if needed but I just used to hold DD on the toilet when out.

We can't do toilet only yet as we only have one toilet which is upstairs so it's just not practical. We are in the very early days and she needs to go pretty much immediately after expressing the need to.

Thanks for your tips though definitely will bear it all in mind for when she's got it down better. The other thing at the moment is she absolutely will not go if we ask her to, only if she says she needs to! She won't have a 'try' at all (I've tried the 'mummy is doing a wee so why don't you try' thing and nope they didn't work). She just refuses and shouts and won't sit on it. (She goes herself unprompted when she does need to.)

Don't worry, I know 26m is quite young and I know for that reason we may have to find different approaches or possibly even pack it in and try again later mostly because I'm concerned nursery won't be able to accommodate it at the moment and she's due back on Tuesday. So I do take that on board I was just being optimistic when I posted the thread we do have a carry potty thing we could take out and about with us.

I am currently training with my 20 month old, so far we just go to outdoor places so that he can just wee where ever.
If going in the car etc then I just make sure he has a wee first, and watch him like a hawk if he's just had a drink.
If she's doing well don't put her back in nappies! Surely her nursery are used to pting?!

I really wouldn't bother at 26 months unless they're showing exceptional signs of readiness and can communicate and recognise their need to go.

If they can't wait to walk to a toilet they will need pull ups on when out of the house.

You would need to take the potty into the toilets, can't stand seeing parents parading potties around in public for everyone to see, it's not normal.

In my opinion it's just much too soon for most kids of that age.

My first cracked it within 2 weeks at age 3 and a half, because it was easy and straight forward and they were old enough to understand what was happening.

My second is just turned three and absolutely nowhere near ready so we won't be bothering until that time comes.

You would think so, but I don't feel so reassured. When we first mentioned it ages ago out of interest they were very reassuring and all like " we will do whatever you do at home don't worry" etc but they did mention a policy where if they have x number of accidents a day then they put them back in nappies, I think it was 3 but I can't remember exactly. I do get why though, they will be working on a ...1 to 3 or 4 ratio at DD's age? So hard to manage day half those children soaking their clothes every couple of hours or whatever!

When I asked them last week when DD first started weeing in the potty in the evenings they said they only take them to the potty if the child asks or if they show signs of needing to go like clutching themselves etc. I asked if they could see if DD had any interest in going with any other children who were otherwise going but if she didn't want to just to leave it. They didn't mention it to me at all afterwards so I'm assuming they didn't actually ask her. She is really motivated by other children's behaviour so I think that might have helped.

I am also just concerned she might not ask there, does she know where they are, she needs help to pull her trousers down, will they miss her signals (which is basically just grabbing her genitals for a bit before she decides to go to the potty) etc when they have multiple kids to watch. I have emailed them with some questions but I don't feel confident about it. I will be gutted if we have to go back to nappies though as today is day 3 and no accidents so far although am yet to try underwear or go anywhere lol. We are gonna try park this PM.

I'm in awe of you training a 20 month old though honestly!

@MeadowHay

We only have one toilet too upstairs.....

We used to make a game of me running her upstairs like a super hero and she would shout she needed to go and off we went. I was bloody knackered after that long weekend though 🤣
The first few days I'd just take her every 30mins anyway or fill her up on juice and take her 20 mins later so she would get used to associating the need to go with the need to tell me etc

I also doubt a nursery will be prepared to carry this on especially if they didn't think she was ready in the first place? In which case you will be doing more harm by giving her mixed signals. Most will generally say to you they think they are ready or showing signs of being ready. If however you are forcing it for you rather than your DD expressing a desire to give up nappies then it's going to be a much harder battle

In terms of readiness, she has spontenously gone to the potty to wee and poo herself from day 1 whilst bare bottomed. We had a lot of accidents yesterday when we first tried trousers/shorts on which I think was my fault for not explaining clearly that she needs to take them down before doing a wee etc. Then today in trousers again and no accidents and spontaneously takes herself to the potty when needed. I know she can do it as she already is, but I can't spend longer at home with her to really get it ingrained so worried having to use nappies at nursery will derail and that will be the reason we can't train her, not because she's 'not ready'. If she really wasn't ready that would be fine but she's showing me that she is!

Also I am actually giggling at the idea of 'forcing' potty training on my daughter. If you met her you would understand why - if she doesn't want to do something there is absolutely no way to get her to do it, unfortunately I can't force anything on her even if I wanted to!

I'm going to go against the grain here, I actually think it's ok to use the potty when out and about as long as it's discreet. So for example if you were at soft play, I'd quickly run to the toilet and use the potty there. If out for a walk in the woods, behind a tree is fine...

That's what we did with DD and it was only a temporary phase, it definitely didn't teach her that it's ok to wee and poo anywhere!

Once you've given up the nappies I'd try and avoid them altogether, including at nursery, otherwise I think it's just confusing. Our nursery were fine with that.

It's really personal though, there are lots of different approaches to potty training. I personally wouldn't be happy waiting until age 3, ideally, but others are and that's fine.

All I would say is that If you can't spend longer at home to really get it In ingrained in her then you can't shuffle the job on to the nursery to finish it as it's not fair on them nor is it their job

You will have good days and bad days and she can't go bare bummed at nursery and I really think she'll have a set back if she has a few accidents and nursery put her back in nappies - it will knock her confidence If nothing else if she is strong willed like you say?

I'd wait until you can take a week of work and really focus on it. We didn't leave the house for days and solely concentrated on this one thing

If I were you and had got to this point I would continue what you are doing now at home. I would see how it goes at nursery and if she wets her pants regularly she will have to go back in nappies for nursery ; she will get there in the end so a bit of detailing isn't the end of the world. As far as soft play is concerned or going to cafes etc I agree that if you have to break out a potty in public your child isn't ready. In your case I would just avoid those situations until she is reliable. Take into consideration the fact that if she is having fun playing she might not remember that she needs the loo in time anyway so this type of activity might not be suitable for a while. As you have made the decision to potty train her now and she seems to be managing I would press on ie no pull-ups or nappies apart from at night and at nursery if she can't manage there.

I left potty training with all my D.C. until about 2yrs 9 months. Didn't use potties as they give the wrong idea that you can piss and shit anywhere. Straight onto the loo with one of those seats and straight into pants rather than pull ups. I think using pull-ups make the process take longer as they need to associate the feeling of being wet as a direct consequence of not getting to the loo in time.

With mine daytime training was over and done with in less than 24 hours with all of them and I think there were only a couple of accidents in the first few hours. We used the leftover nappies at night for the first couple of weeks but by the time the pack ran out they were dry at night anyhow.

I think PP saying it's unreasonable to expect nursery to assist with potty training is unfair. Of course I wouldn't just send her in one day and go 'ok I don't want her in nappies anymore get on with it' but lots of people need to work and can't always take extended periods of time off work when they need to. The only reason this has happened is that it wasn't actually planned, I got the potty out to see and wasn't expecting her to wee on it and she did so I have just kept it up to see how she got on and so far it seems to be going pretty well considering her age. It is an accident itself! I could try and take the week after this one off work though to spend more time with her on it but I guess I want to see how she goes first as if she just does a total u turn after nursery I'm not sure it would even be worth taking the time off if she changes her mind about it all. I definitely wouldn't push her if she got upset about it or anything.

She is wearing trousers now but not underwear yet. If today goes well I will probably try underwear tomorrow as I guess nursery will require her to wear it (understandably).

We don't need to leave the house today but I feel bad that she hasn't been out since Thurs and she is an outdoorsy girl and hates to be stuck at home so I thought park might be as safe a bet as possible.

Thanks for everyone's input though, I am really taking all the comments on board. I definitely recognise she is young and there isn't a huge rush to toilet train her. I do feel like I am letting her down though by not being able to invest the time in it that she probably needs now to be successful in as short a time frame as possible but there is nothing I can do about this week other than possibly getting Thursday off work...not sure if that would be worth it)? Maybe it would as the bank holiday is Monday do we'd get another 5 uninterrupted days?

Some comments are quite extreme - at her age using a travel potty at the park would be totally fine! We still use it if we have a day out in the woods or similar cos my three year old doesn't like just going behind a tree!

Redledlight I'm so glad you said all that you have, as I have had faces/comments when discussing potty training later on as opposed to what others have done. The only reason I was worried about going in to the 3rd year mark, is because a nursery told me by that sort of age, they would be expecting the child to be dry 🤦‍♀️ the pressure is really on!
I have bought a potty and my DS has enjoyed just sitting on it at the moment fully clothed lol, but at least we have it, and when he uses it that will be done in the bathroom. I am just wondering about a little travel item for when out to use in the toilet etc, or to just put DS on the main toilet seat. There are the odd places, like in the soft play, where they have both an adult and child size seat on their toilet, which I think is such a clever idea.
I do believe from what I've read, that waiting that bit longer really does seem to help a lot!

@MeadowHay

but lots of people need to work and can't always take extended periods of time off work when they need to.

most of us work full time these days - you will have 5 weeks annual leave per year no? No one is expecting you to take a month off but taking a week is completely reasonable unless you don't want to use your annual leave to stay in at home and get the job done.....?

It's fine for her to be interested in doing it - and that's great at her age....but there is no point in pushing it/continuing it when 48 hours later come Monday morning all the good work will be forgotten when she gets dropped at nursery?

I'm not trying to be obstructive just realistic that with toilet training perseverance and consistency is key

It's also not unfair to say nurseries aren't responsible for toilet training it's just a fact - pretty sure it will be in their terms and conditions. The same as it is for pre school and school?

Please don't be that parent who just whips the potty out wherever they feel like it

Haha. I was once sitting waiting in a fairly naice inhouse cafe, smell if my posh coffee wafting beautifully (DS was doing an activity with DH). Another parent with a toddler took the next table, plonked down a potty and proceeded to bray about delilah telling mummy if she needed poo poo or pee pee in the potty, then put child on the potty. Urgh.

I found potty training only took a weekend but there were a couple of false starts. I think if they're ready it won't be an issue. If they can't hold on long enough to get to a loo in a facility like a soft play then they probably need a little bit longer. I think a little bit of extra time can go a long way - in development terms a few weeks can be huge.

There's really no need to be implying that I don't want to use annual leave to toilet train some really uncalled for comments coming now. I just said I cannot get this week off now, but I could probably get Thursday off and possibly even all of next week too. I have already explained that the only reason we have ended up in this situation is due to a lack of planning as I wasn't expecting her to take to it.

Nursery absolutely do help with potty training btw. It's not in their t and C's at all and as I've already explained, they said to us initially that they do whatever we do at home etc to support it. It's a private day nursery and they presumably have many children at various stages in their potty training journeys. That being said, I obviously do need to be realistic about how much I can expect them to do when a) they're not her primary carers and b) they have multiple children to care for not just my DD to solely concentrate on. I get that and have said so numerous times. Unfortunately that does not change the fact that there is no way I can take this full week off work. I fully accept that irst fault and I should have planned it better I'm advance but unfortunately I am not perfect and didnt have the foresight that she would actually take to it as well as she has. So now I'm looking for some practical solutions on how to proceed from here as best as I can within the limitations that I have.

We had a travel potty but only used that in a public toilet cubicle or sat in the back of the car. Now we have it for emergencies and DD uses it in car parks next to the car (as I don't care anymore if anyone sees....)

Agree with the first poster, please don't take a normal potty out and use that out and about. We went through many many wetting herself situations but she learned pretty quick and I just took out lots of spare clothes. I couldn't do what many of my parent friends did and stay in for days on end but I can see that would work a treat!

We tried at 2.5 years and then gave up and conquered it just before her 3rd birthday with lockdown really helping to cement it in!

We have a travel potty. We took it to the park today and she asked to go on it twice and the first time she didn't do anything and the second time she did a small wee (although most of her wees are small). No accidents. We have just had an accident at home though during a tantrum . She was already setting off in a tantrum and then said she needed a wee and the potty and decided to refuse to go on the normal potty but wanted the travel potty. DH raced upstairs to get it for her, she sat on it for a second and then did no wee and got up and refused to try again. Then a few mins later as she was screaming blue murder at us she wet herself and then asked to go on the potty when it was done . Sigh, was doing great til then, no other accidents today and I was starting to get optimistic but that has brought m back down to reality haha.

@Redruby25

Redledlight I'm so glad you said all that you have, as I have had faces/comments when discussing potty training later on as opposed to what others have done. The only reason I was worried about going in to the 3rd year mark, is because a nursery told me by that sort of age, they would be expecting the child to be dry 🤦‍♀️ the pressure is really on! I have bought a potty and my DS has enjoyed just sitting on it at the moment fully clothed lol, but at least we have it, and when he uses it that will be done in the bathroom. I am just wondering about a little travel item for when out to use in the toilet etc, or to just put DS on the main toilet seat. There are the odd places, like in the soft play, where they have both an adult and child size seat on their toilet, which I think is such a clever idea. I do believe from what I've read, that waiting that bit longer really does seem to help a lot!

Yes! I just don't see the point in starting toilet training so early that it's a struggle.

I have friends who started around 24-26 months and spent months and months tearing their hair out, piss soaked clothes several times a day, upset and frustrated kids, constantly mithering them "do you need a wee?" It was exhausting even to watch, and their kids still weren't dry any earlier than mine age wise.

Doing it that bit later just showed me that there really is no rush to start and it makes a big difference starting when they are genuinely ready.

My just turned 3 year old is sta

**

Starting school nursery in a pull up but we haven't actually started toilet training because she just isn't ready. She is so upset every time we try to encourage the use of the potty or toilet and doesn't like underwear. Would prefer to be naked or just wear a nappy.

I'm not forcing the issue, it will happen when the time is right!