3 year old starts nursery in 2 weeks and is terrified...?

[faithfulbird]

Of doing no2s in the toilet. How do I tackle this? She has to do it in her nappy. She couldn't manage in her potty either. I haven't forced her because she would cry a lot and she wasn't ready. But now friends are telling me I'll have to be firm with her. But she cries a lot, bless her.

Also, does anyone's child at 3 still use a training seat? Friends kids don't but mines does otherwise she'd just fall in...

It really is just perseverance. No miracle. But you have to be consistent. Make a date for when you start, stick to it, don't give up even if she cries. If you keep giving up because she cries it sends her mixed messages. She won't remember potty training. Wouldnt worry about what others say, if your child needs training seat so be it. Have you tried using a stool in front of the loo so she can put her feet on it rather than them dangling, feels safer for them.

What do nursery say? Surely she doesn't have to be potty trained before she goes it can be something you work on together?

It's a very common problem. There is a fantastic book, available on android play, called Poo goes to Pooland. Have a look and read it with her. It addressed my son's fears brillianty and helped us get there in the end.

@gisafag yeah I use a stool and luckily she's shown me how she can sit without falling in. She holds the sides but I still think she needs the seat so she's more comfortable.

@lancslass17 they just wrote on a letter that she must be potty trained before she starts. Any accidents may cause staff to call parents in. I don't think she's ready yet. It could maybe take 1-1.5 months or even 2-3.

@Shakirasma thanks for the recommendation. She loves that book but it's had a reverse effect on her. She hasn't done a poo in 2 days even in her nappy because she thinks poo is shy and doesn't want to come out. Just shows all kids are different. Maybe she's not ready yet.

At 3 she will just have to be ready . You will have to let her know that it's not ok, and you are not happy with her for pooing in her pants. Are you actually putting a nappy on her so she can do a poo?

Wouldn't she just hold it until she's home anyway?

My DS went through this phase. It took a few months to resolve but I persevered by quickly getting him to sit on the potty (no downstairs loo) if I spotted the signs that he needed to go. I would try to distract him with a book or toy or my phone, and be relaxed and reassuring in my manner.

We had to revert to the nappy many times, as he was making himself constipated at one stage. But eventually he went in the potty - his body took over at that point! - and we heaped praise on him. We did that every time and within a week or so he was doing it without any fuss or stress. We then got a ‘family’ loo seat so he could go on the loo.

I would definitely keep things as light and carefree as you can - positive reinforcement all the way. Ignore your friends. Your DD will get there.

My son is just over 3 and isn't potty trained, I have tried everything. I have an older child and she was ok to train. My son did do a wee on the toilet yesterday using a potty seat. He is at nursery and they have tiny toilets so I'm hoping this will help him. The nursery change his pull-ups for him. We also have a seat that has ladders up to the toilet and he likes to practice on that.

Don't force the issue. You absolutely don't want to make it into a big issue or you risk her withholding. It's really common for poos to take a bit longer. They have to learn how to do it sitting down rather than standing up! Both of mine had a phase of 2-3 months of asking for a nappy for a poo and using that. Eventually they got the hang of using the toilet. Is she confident enough to ask for a pull up at nursery? Could she put it on independently?

Ignore your friends re toilet seats by the way. DS2 is 4 (starts school next week) and still uses one. He's small and feels more secure that way. If she's reluctant anyway, make it all as easy as possible for her. Nursery will have mini toilets so it won't be needed!