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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

2.8 year old fear of potty - help please!

14 replies

tmc14 · 18/08/2020 16:36

Hello,
This is the third time I've tried to potty train my son. We first tried as he can hold a wee for ages, seemed interested, didn't like nappies etc. However, he showed quite a fear of using the potty or toilet and would freak out at the idea of using it. So I figured he wasn't ready and waited a couple of months. Tried again, same thing. Third time, and I feel the fear is getting worse. He starts nursery in 3 months, and I'm due a second baby in a few weeks, so I thought maybe while it's just us at home would be much easier than waiting until the baby arrives. He needs to be trained fully to attend nursery, so can't wait for their help.

For two weeks he's only worn a nappy at night. He can hold his wee for up to 4 hours. He drinks plenty. He hops up and down when he needs to go and asks for a cuddle. I don't stress about it, I say that it's time to wee, and that wees go in the potty or toilet, but he refuses to try. He gets upset if I take him near the potty. He then winds himself up as he really needs to go, then will wet himself. I've tried rewards, I don't ask him a lot, just prompt him when I can clearly see he needs to go. I'm neutral when he has an accident.

I realise one option is just to go back to nappies and wait. But I really feel that he can do it, and that he's ready, but the fear is stopping him and waiting will just increase the fear. He's quite sensitive and thinks about things a lot. I think waiting will just magnify this.

Does anyone have any ideas to help him overcome his fear? Anything I might be doing wrong that I haven't thought of? In every other respect he's such an easy child and really happy. Thanks in advance x

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YinuCeatleAyru · 19/08/2020 08:51

have you got lots of story books on the subject? there are loads of brilliant ones.

it's not at all unusual for a kid to be freaked out by the concept (it's some of me! coming out!) but stories can help to make it feel safer.

OpalExtra · 19/08/2020 09:05

Is he better on the loo? Maybe try a bit of loo roll in the bottom of the potty to soften the noise and maybe chocolate buttons for bribery. That worked for both of mine.

Original poster

tmc14 · 21/08/2020 21:32

Hi, thanks both, sorry I didn't get a notification that anyone had replied!

@YinuCeatleAyru We've got a couple of story books that he likes, he'll repeat bits from them when playing.

@OpalExtra He likes putting toilet paper in the toilet and watching it flush, but will not sit on the training seat and will not try and wee into the toilet. I tried chocolate bribery, and have upped it to dinosaur models as the chocolate wasn't working.

At the moment, he hates nappies (cannot wait to get his night nappy off), will tell me he's had an accident, it's obvious when he needs to go, but refuses to try and use the potty/toilet. If I ask him where wees and poos go, he says in the potty. So we're a bit stuck. I'm trying to be laid back, trying to catch a wee when he starts. But don't feel like we're getting anywhere.

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user1493494961 · 21/08/2020 21:36

I've read on here about putting a ping-pong ball into the toilet and getting them to aim at it, would this help.

ThickFast · 21/08/2020 21:38

Are you sure that he has to be trained for nursery? Are you in the UK? As I think nurseries aren’t allowed to discriminate against kids who are still in nappies.

Anordinarymum · 21/08/2020 21:40

The first thing I thought was 'Relax'. If you are anxious about this he will pick up the vibe and clam up. Ladies on here swear by the 'Oh Crap' method of potty training. Have a look.

Original poster

tmc14 · 22/08/2020 13:31

Thanks for the replies

@user1493494961 Thank you, I can give that a try, I"m willing to try anything really!

@ThickFast It is a UK nursery, one attached to a school for aged 3+. I'm guessing if it was a medical issue they would of course be accommodating, but their policy is that children need to be potty trained when they start, I'm guessing as they have very limited facilities for nappy changes etc? I didn't push the issue as it was 6 months away at the time and I didn't think it would be this hard!

@Anordinarymum I think I probably do sound very stressed about it. I am anxious about it which he may be picking up on. However, I think day to day it doesn't really impact that much, apart from changing clothes/clearing up 3 or 4 times. I did read Oh Crap, and we tried that for the first few days, until it became clear that it was the potty itself was the issue. So at the moment, when he obviously needs to go I say once, lets try for a wee, he then refuses to go near the potty, so I remind him it's there when he needs it. Then after an accident we just say 'wees and poos go in the potty, next time remember to go to the potty or tell me a wee is coming' and that's it. So I hope (although I might be wrong), that we're not making a big deal about it.

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ThickFast · 22/08/2020 18:13

So this is off the Eric website

1. My child is still in nappies. Can a school deny their admission?
No they can't. The Equality Act 2010 states that schools must not discriminate against or disadvantage disabled children or those with special educational needs. A delay in achieving continence - or not being toilet trained - is considered a disability. It is therefore not acceptable for a school to refuse or delay admission to children who are not yet continent.

So although it may be there policy I don’t think they can actually stop him attending. Although I understand you would want him trained before then if poss. Just as a bit of hope, my boy trained when he was a bit over 3. It was really easy. A month prior, he had the same thing of refusing to sit on the potty or toilet. Would totally refuse to bend in the middle and would go rigid. But just a month later he suddenly got it.

ThickFast · 22/08/2020 18:14

Bold fail. That first bit is meant to be a quote

Original poster

tmc14 · 22/08/2020 18:52

Ah thanks for that. It’s really hard to get places here so I don’t want to lose his place. As he’s refusing to wear a nappy except at night I think we’ll just keep going, keep it as light as possible and hope it clicks at some point. And I’ll keep on with the extra washing!! Good to hear your experience, sounds very similar, just will not sit on the potty and I don’t want to upset him or stress him. If I’m on the ball I catch wees in the potty in front of him, but it’s exhausting being that observant!

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ThickFast · 23/08/2020 08:39

Well I quickly realised that you can’t force someone to sit on the potty. Will he did stand up wees? Hope it clicks soon. It’s a nightmare.

NelliesWellies · 23/08/2020 08:59

My son had a massive fear of the toilet when he first trained (although was fine with the potty). Nursery recommended that we get a training seat for the toilet but let him “personalise” it with stickers to make it “his”, which seemed to help. Nursery allowed him to take the training seat with him to nursery each day and we also used it at home until he got used to using the toilet. Not sure if this might be worth a try?

Original poster

tmc14 · 02/09/2020 19:21

Thought I'd post an update... We've now done four days with only one accident. I bought model dinosaurs as a reward for each wee that went in the potty, which got him interested. Then something just clicked a few days ago, and he started using the potty all the time. First of all just standing, but he will now perch over it, almost sitting, which means at some point he will find it ok to do a poo (haven't managed that yet). It's been slow going, but I'm pleased we persevered. I think I was able to as I'm with him all the time, so it's only me dealing with the mess. And I was sure he was ready, just scared. We have toilet training seats (and he's put stickers on the potty) but he won't use the toilet seat yet. Because he was so stubborn at the beginning, he's actually got great bladder control already, so can wait several minutes if we're in a queue or in the car or something. So I feel like it's going really well. Thought I'd post in case someone else reads this and feels stuck. It took four weeks of just constant accidents to reach a good point.
Good luck to anyone else struggling with this, my son is super easy most of the time, so apart from breastfeeding I think this is the hardest thing I have done in my parenting life so far!! Thanks for the support and ideas, it's been really helpful.

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Mumofboys85 · 23/09/2020 14:32

Aww good to see your update that it's worked out in the end, it gives me hope with my son who has similar issues of not wanting to sit on the potty!! Hope he was able to start at his nursery with no issues from them about his potty training!!

The common theme with everyone's solutions on all potty training issues is that in the end it seemed to just click with their kid, so I'm not stressing at the moment knowing that eventually it will click

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