3.5 year old - feel like Im failing

[seaduck]

Anyone else have a completely stubborn 3.5 year old who is nowhere near potty trained?
I'm a bit at wits end with him, we've tried every few weeks for the last year. Gone cold turkey with the nappies for two weeks at the start of lockdown, we had about 3 successful wees in the potty that whole time. Every one of his age are potty trained at nursery. He just doesn't really seem to understand, when I try I know a wee is 'due', we sit on the potty (which he's getting too big for) or try on the toilet but he wees on the floor a few minutes later completely oblivious.
Really wanted him trained, we've had to delay his start in pre school because of it and I'm due another in October.
Anyone else? Feel like every thread is about under 3s and feel like a big failure at the moment.

Gosh I feel your pain. DS now 13 took his own sweet time to use the potty. Actually we ended up going straight to the toilet as he was so disinterested in the potty. I was tearing my hair out as it seemed that all other children his age were out of nappies.

It turned out that nursery were a great help as he wanted to be like his little friends and the staff were very encouraging!

Thanks, @SlantyBaws. Half tempted to send him to nursery with pants on even though he's literally getting zero wees in anything just to see if they are any better than me at this.
I know I've just got to keep the faith he will do it eventually. Just really hard not to be completely demoralised though.

He just seems to be so immune to peer pressure, reading books, bribery anything! He will happily say everybody goes on the toilet at nursery, but doesn't seem to click.

Oh bless him, he does sound like a stubborn wee thing! It's cold comfort knowing that he will get there eventually

Hi I'm completely in the same boat as you. Our 3.5 year old son now refuses to sit on the potty at all, we had a few days where he was happy to sit on
The toilet but now won't do that either. He's completely digging his heals in and doesn't want to know.,
We've tried putting him in pants and he just has accidents and doesn't really care or just takes them
Off himself. We are at our wits end too.. the nursery I really want him to go to won't take him until he's dry and fairly accident free so we are just taking it day by day. Sticker charts, bribing with a new toy, treats .. none of it is working I hope you have some success soon but your not alone on this one

@Louisa111 thank you, your post is so reassuring to me that I'm not alone. It sounds such a similar experience to ours.
We have similar that he just doesn't care about accidents, it makes it so hard to motivate as he just is not bothered or interested about any of it! He's sick of the sight of the potty.

Really hope you have a breakthrough soon, if not, then I'm sure we'll be right here in the same boat.

Ugh, I'm right there with you.

My daughter is a little over 3. My mother had me out of nappies when I was a year old and expected me to train her very early, but I had no interest in doing it the old fashioned way. Part of me is now wondering if I should have.

She's quite happy to sit on the toilet (we have a stand-alone potty but she doesn't like it). For months, we've been sitting her on it every two hours. We put a sticker chart up, have been reading books about the potty, even put a jar of marshmallows in the bathroom as a bribe: nothing is working. She is interested enough to say, "Go on the potty, get a marshmallow!" but not interested enough to use it.

Last week she said she had to go potty, so we got her on the toilet quickly and she pooed. We were thrilled, made a big song and dance about it, she got a sticker and a marshmallow and was very proud of herself. So, we let her know we'd be saying goodbye to the nappies, and over the weekend we put her in pants.

We're on Day 3 now of pants, and she still has never peed in the toilet. Yesterday she ran into the house clutching her poo in her hand (which she excitedly threw into the toilet). Today, after sitting on the potty a million times, I let her watch a little TV. Walked into the room and saw wet patches on the carpet underneath her. She was absolutely soaked in urine. The water-proof pillow was soaked on the outside, and there were 2cm deep puddles of pee in the recesses of the leather upholstered chair she was in. She was literally sitting in a pool of her own pee, soaked, and was absolutely unfazed.

If one more person tells me that girls are easier to potty train, I'm going to scream.

My 3.5 yo is just the same and I recently put him back into nappies, I know some mums say it's a step backwards but it does make life easier and allows us to go out without the hassle of accidents.

I’m really struggling to potty train one of my twins. They’re 2.5yo and one has taken to it well and is in pants with an accident once a week on a bad week. We started in April and I stupidly thought we’d got an easy ride with both using the potty and toilet seat regularly in the first week. However 4 months on and one of my girls is still having daily if not twice daily accidents. I’ve tried to get her in pants but on Tuesday last week, my last ditch attempt to get her from running around with just a long dress on to cover her bum, she had 6 accidents before 10am!! I’ve gotten to the point where all carpeted rooms in the house are off limits or have a waterproof picnic blanket down constantly because I was getting so downhearted every time i has to clean the floor for the thousandth time. Mainly resulted in me crying whilst cleaning but they didn’t see it because I’ve been trying to keep upbeat about her ‘accidents’.

She will quite happily continue playing in wet undies and doesn’t seem to notice that she needs to wee when engrossed in play. I haven’t put her back in nappies because after so long it feels like a failure me and regression her. She also doesn’t seem to mind that she’s having accidents and when she does use the toilet she’s so proud of herself and we make a big deal as we do with our other daughter.

Constant reminders lead to her screaming ‘no’ at me and trying to insist that we go at specific times of day ie. before going out, have a meal etc. seems to work but sometimes this results in her sitting on the toilet and not doing anything and then two minutes later wetting herself. Mentally I’m broken and I don’t know what to do for the best.

All of my friends/ family with kids have all potty trained in weeks and have no idea how to help. The girls are starting nursery in 3 weeks and I have no clue what to do. Surely I can’t send a child in without pants? Please tell me there are others out there that aren’t trained in a matter of weeks by age 2. Am I being cruel and stubborn for trying this for so long? Any advice welcome.

Op DS is 5.

There was some issue with speech delay which affected communication but even at 5, definitely verbal ha ha and I'm happy he has the understanding, but can only get owes and poos if I send him and find it right. Otherwise he'll pee on the floor.

Google ERIC a continence charity.

We've been told to look of he'd constipated. He poos every day but on the poo scale they're generally 2s so we've got to up good liquids.

He goes into yr1 September

My son is almost 3.5 and doesn't want to potty train. Have tried unsuccessfully. He cones with us to the toilet and flushes for us but resists going himself. He won't tell us when he needs the toilet or after he's done it. I find it frustrating when my friend's kids who are younger are trained but I'm sure he'll get there eventually (I hope!) Right now, I'm just letting it go.

@moominmima nappy pants but keep up the reminders and her sitting on the loo like her sister?

I feel your pain. DS is also 3.5 and refuses to go anywhere near a potty or toilet at home or at nursery. We tried cold turkey during lockdown and bought him some dinosaur pants which he loved - 6 accidents in the space of 4 hours and my spirit was broken.

Nursery have tried taking him to the toilets when his friends go, but he won’t even walk over the threshold.

I know he’ll get there eventually, DD was 3 before she was trained and 5.5 before she was dry at night, but it’s such a slog.

DS1 was only just trained enough for school at 4. He'd still been in nappies the easter before he was starting in September. Weirdly, we got poos first (mainly because he was extremely reliable with the time he pooed). Wees were hit at miss for a good while, even after starting school (mind you, for the first couple of terms he was by no means the only one regularly coming out in PE kit). He only stopped needing nappies at night at nearly 8, and with an alarm. He also just didn't seem to be upset by it, or have any desire to change (until the bedwetting kept on and finding nappies big enough was getting tricky - he asked for help there)

DS2 trained himself night and day before he was 3.

I'm sure that with a lot of effort you can train most kids earlier than they're technically ready, but personally, I think that just waiting, and working with him rather than forcing it was the only way it was going to work with DS1

My DD now 7 was the same. She would happily sit in it for hours if nappy on, or just let it run down her legs if not. I was at my wit's end as ds had got it sorted by 3. So it's not always the boys either. In the end she just seemed to decide she wanted to. There were other skills she developed during that time and I have heard and think it may well be true that they tend to master one thing at a time and if yours goes on a different order this is what you get! In the end she was all fine in 1-2 weeks... Once she was ready there was no effort in it! So I think I had been wasting my time with all the knots I tired myself in

@ChickensMightFly interesting what you say about mastering a certain skill before moving to the next. I hope that's the case for my 2.5. We have stopped for now and leaving it to our boy to lead the way. Now I've gone back to nappies he keeps asking to go on the potty again. He's not ready yet as he wees up to 20 times a day and therefore if he wees 14 times in the potty he has 6 accidents. I'm hoping over time he will do less wees. 🤞

Thanks everyone, you've really reassured me that we are not the only aliens with non potty trained 3 year olds.
We've had an enforced break from thinking about it as he managed to break his collarbone.
Whilst at hospital we had to collect a wee sample for something else which completely demoralised me having to explain he was not yet potty trained and thinking we were never going to actually get a wee in a pot. However the enforced intensity of sitting in a hospital cubicle talking about getting a wee in a pot, meant he actually told me 'a poo is coming' before doing a wee allowing me to actually get the pot ready in time. (I'm intensely glad it was not a poo) Sad to say that is the most progress we've ever made but I'm hoping it's positive that he knew something was coming! Tempted to give it another try at the weekend now he's on the mend.

Another one here with a 3.5 year old who dosent seem to care. Just goes in her knickers and sits in it. Dosent tell us when she needs to go, or when she's been. I don't know what to try.

Have you tried cloth training pants? Don’t go back to nappies or disposable pull ups. Kids think they are comfortable and convenient, whereas cloth trainers are just like thicker regular undies and feel uncomfortable when wet. I’d send him to nursery with those and hopefully he’ll get the message.