Don't know what to do?

[applefig]

My daughter is 3.5. I've attempted to potty train her 2 times, once at 2.5 but she wasn't ready and I've tried once again in the last few weeks which seems worse than the first time.

She's always, ever since she could walk, hid away to do a poo. She's scared of it, I have absolutely no idea why as we've never made a big deal of it.
E.g, yesterday she hid in the playroom to do her business then came in with the usual look on her face and I say have you done a poo?
She says yes.
I say lets change your nappy then and get a clean one (in a gentle voice as I know she's scared).
She then says I'm scared.
I say theres nothing to be scared of, its okay to do a poo.
So I don't understand why she's scared?
She has successfully done wees on the potty a handful of times but never consistent and it seems like she can't let go while on the potty.

Anytime I mention putting big girl pants on she cries and says no I need my nappy on etc. I don't mention it now as I feel like it'll do more bad than good as she's obviously scared. I don't know what to do, at what age does it become a problem? I read on the nhs website kids should be dry by 3.

No advice but having same issue with one of my DT's, also 3.5 and also a girl. Could have written exact same post so following with interest OP.

@winningattwinning its so stressful, I didn't think it was too much of a problem until the other week when she reacted how she did again and now that people keep asking about it. I don't want to traumatise her and make things worse but how long do you wait until they're ready on their own? Hopefully someone has some words of wisdom soon

I’d encourage her to do it in the nappy in the bathroom. Let her close the door to be private if she likes. . Once she’s used to taking herself off to the toilet to do it suggest it’s more comfortable on the loo and that she’s allowed to do it there if she likes. Get a good large step that is left ready all the time. Have another so she can wash her hands.

No real advice other than I used bribery, unhygienically offering sweets on the toilet if my usually poo in a nappy behind the settee daughter did her poo in the proper place.
Once she’d done it once she never looked back but we did have quite a few weeks afterwards when every time she did one we had to say goodbye to it when we flushed.
It’s a very common problem apparently and we did have a children’s book, which is where the need for us to say goodbye came from but I’ve just had a quick google now and the one we had doesn’t leap out to me. You might find a book helps.