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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Have I scarred her for life?

10 replies

legalseagull · 09/05/2020 14:12

Started potty training last Saturday. First day all went well. No poo but lots of praise for wee and she was happy to sit on it. Day two - progress in that she sat on it without prompting. She only let a little wee drip out, but good nonetheless.

Days three and four it all went downhill. She obviously needs a wee as she lets a little drip out, rushes to the potty and sits. The second she feels a drip come she jumps up and runs around the room crying before sitting down and letting out another drip - this carries on and on with her getting more distressed and refusing to wee either on the potty or the floor. She's crying and wee is dribbling so I sit her down and gently hold her there as she starts letting it all out. Problem is - she's hysterical by this point so no amount of encouragement will change that I'm just holding her down Sad If I let go of her she would tense and hold the wee in whilst running around crying so I had to hold her to let her get it out.

By day five I gave up. She obviously knows she needs to wee and wants to get it in the potty - I think she just hates the feeling

It's now three days later and I think I've totally traumatised her. She now starts the whole crying and running thing even with her nappy back on. I know she's doing the same thing - letting it out drip by drip.

I don't think she has a UTI as when she does wee it's clear and doesn't smell. She just doesn't seem to like the feeling.

I'd be so grateful for any advice

OP posts:
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NuffSaidSam · 09/05/2020 15:16

How old is she?

(And you definitely haven't scarred her for life! You'll look back and laugh one day!)

legalseagull · 09/05/2020 15:39

She's 2 and 5 months

OP posts:
legalseagull · 09/05/2020 15:40

Her speech is a bit delayed so she can't explain to me what's wrong. Her understanding is amazing, she just doesn't talk much

OP posts:
IncrediblySadToo · 09/05/2020 15:45

If her comprehension is better than her speech (totally normal) have you tried asking if it hurts?

I know you don't think it's a UTI, but they don't always make wee cloudy or smelly.

I'd give it a couple more days and lots of water then ring the GP if she's not back to seeing happily in the nappy.

You could always try a bath/paddling pool with lots of time to play... hurts less to wee in the water

legalseagull · 09/05/2020 20:53

That's my plan. If she's not happy again by Monday I'll force her to wee in the potty (if encouragement fails) and take a sample to the doctors. I think it's behavioural though and just don't know what to do

OP posts:
Wonderfulstuff · 10/05/2020 16:53

Just posted on another thread but this sounds a bit like my daughter too who is the same sort of age. No advice but just thought I'd let you know you're not alone!

Oh and my daughter is SUPER verbal and I'm still non the wiser re: what's going on! Confused

legalseagull · 11/05/2020 06:40

Sorry you're going through it too but glad to know it's not just us!

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Happyspud · 11/05/2020 07:44

Does watching your phone distract her enough to go? Maybe she’s missing the pressure of the nappy, could you hold a wedge of tissue against her when she starts? How about letting her watch the app ‘pop goes to pooland’, I know it’s poo and not the same but it does help them release. If she’s distressed and dribbling in a nappy, it’s probably a uti. Holding it like she is might even have given her one.

regalmama · 08/06/2020 15:08

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kmoreilly · 14/06/2020 10:51

@legalseagull
you haven't traumatised your daughter for life, she just does not have the focus yet. What I suggest is that you put your daughter in tape-on nappies and have a warm bottle ready for her. When she gets to that 'wanting to go' scene, pick her up into your arms and feed her the bottle. Within a few times, she will calm down and relax.

At the moment, your daughter is trying to please you by controlling her bladder - what she is doing is not contracting her bladder and locking her muscles in that position. As a result, the urine that goes into the potty / nappy is the liquid in her urethra (tube from bladder to outside). It is not until she relaxes that the bladder starts to drain.

See www.mumsnet.com/Talk/potty_training/3936902-How-To-Successfully-Potty-Train specifically, the Bladder Control message of Sun 14-Jun-20 08:32:31.

As a result, your daughter has not managed to gain bladder sphincter control as yet, and it is frustrating both of you. I suggest that you step back and give her a few weeks. 2y5m is a little young considering the average today is 4y6m.

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