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what is the correct etiquette for Dad's taking girls to loo in public toilets????
37

rbmilliner · 02/09/2019 21:04

Hi

Can anyone help us with what's the correct way of Dad's taking daughters to public toilets.

Recently started toilet training DD and her Dad didn't know what to do when she wanted to go when he took her out. Should he take to the ladies or the gents. He said that the gents aren't that pleasant and didn't want to take her in there but wasn't sure if he could go into the ladies.

Not a major issue I know but just wondered if there's some sort of etiquette surrounding toilets in public places and how would you feel if a male took his daughter into a female loo?????

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Templetonstunafish · 02/09/2019 21:06

I think he needs to take her in the men's, but use the disabled if there is one. This is one of the problems that would be solved by the gender neutral toilets Mumsnet hates so much!

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PotteringAlong · 02/09/2019 21:07

He should not use the disabled one - neither of them is disabled!

He takes her into the men’s toilet with him.

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MakeLemonade · 02/09/2019 21:09

Men’s toilets, he can’t use the women’s (he’s not a woman) or the disabled (unless you’ve missed it out, I assume he’s not disabled either).

Could he take a pack of wipes or sanitiser gel and give the loo a quick wipe first?

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PhantomErik · 02/09/2019 21:09

He should take her into the mens as he's the adult. Just like I'd take my ds's (&dd) into the ladies.

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ChanklyBore · 02/09/2019 21:12

Men’s toilets. Until she is old enough to reach the doors and sort the dryers etc by herself then she can go in the women’s.

Why has this only now come up? Has he been leaving her outside the men’s toilets all by herself when he goes, because she wasn’t toilet trained?!

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SellFridges · 02/09/2019 21:14

I think it depends. Our DD is eight now and often goes to the loo alone when we are out, but I would still prefer she went with an adult at say the football, or in a busy shopping centre. So if she’s with DH she has to hang out waiting for usually a solitary cubicle next to a bunch of grown men using the urinals. In those circumstances I would rather she (quickly) used the disabled loo.

So I understand the quandary and would be fine with a dad with a young daughter using the disabled toilets in those circumstances (especially as they’re often the baby change anyway not exclusively disabled). I don’t think he should use the women’s bathroom.

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Napqueen1234 · 02/09/2019 21:15

A lot of you are saying no to disabled but where we are most pubs etc have mixed disabled/baby change. If it’s advertised as baby change too my DH tends to take the kids in there so I think that would be easiest. Obviously the priority is always disabled people but I have never come out to anyone other than other parents waiting outside!

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RancidOldHag · 02/09/2019 21:15

They use the toilet appropriate for the sex of the adult, in this case the mens.

When the child is old enough to go without an adult, the they go to the one for their sex.

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RainbowsandSnowdrops · 02/09/2019 21:17

If the disabled loo was free I don’t see the issue as these are often family rooms/ babychanging too.

I wouldn’t want DD to have to go into the men’s, it always stinks and it’s not like the ladies- with urinals everything is all out on show!

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SallyWD · 02/09/2019 21:20

He takes her to the men's toilets. I'm rather bemused that he didn't want to take her as the men's toilets are not too pleasant. Neither are women's toilets! We all have the same bodily functions. It's not like female poo smells of roses. I've seen some disgusting things in ladies loos!

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KennDodd · 02/09/2019 21:20

This is a different dilemma. Men's toilets are horrible, also I'm sure your daughter doesn't want to see (or smell) men standing at the urinals and I'm sure they don't want to see her. Also, if a man has a baby with him, where does he change their nappy? I have to admit the one time I wouldn't object to a man in the ladies would be if he can in to use the changing table, what else if he supposed to do? I your case OP, I think he has to her into the mens.

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Love51 · 02/09/2019 21:23

We have one of each. The kids know that if we are out as a family they partner up with the parent of the same sex. If I'm on my own we all go together. If DH is on his own, they all go with him. DD is just getting to the age where she can go by herself, depending on where we are, but until recently she just had to put up with going in the stinky men's. As do DS and DH.
Back in the days off nappies we stopped at a pub garden on a walk, DH went in to change a nappy and came back out saying the changing table was in the ladies.
In my head the rule is that children under 8 sort of don't count in terms of sex segregation, they can be in the wrong space by virtue of their adult. Adults do count and need to be in the right space. I think 8 as a cut off comes from swimming pools!

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Morgan12 · 02/09/2019 21:30

I wouldn't want my DD being taken into the mens. They are usually minging and there will be men standing at urinals and I don't think that is appropriate for a young girl to see. So gasps in horror my DH would use the disabled toilets.

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rbmilliner · 02/09/2019 21:31

MakeLemonade I'll suggest he takes wipes and gel with him but to be honest I don't hold out much hope, he's never mastered the art of cleaning the loo at home - :)))))

ChanklyBore I honestly don't know, I don't think the situation has ever arisen or if it has he hasn't said anything. Maybe he's just hyper senative to it now she's out of nappies and he has to be?

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Rainbowknickers · 02/09/2019 21:35

My bro used to take mine into the gents (until she pood in the long metal trough style urinal-he refused to take her to the lav again)
If at work and the same issue comes up I have to say the disabled to customers but that’s not fair to the next disabled customer who will come in and ask me why it’s locked (Sod’s law means that’ll happen everytime)
99% are fine but there is always one who will rant and I agree with them

There is no real right answer (I have boys too so would just take them with me into the ladies til they got a bit older)

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Wellmet · 02/09/2019 21:38

I personally would use the disabled toilets in this circumstance. They're often the only ones you can fit a pushchair in anyway, and often have the changing table for this reason.

One thing I do wonder though...if the men's toilets are too disgusting for little girls, why are they ok for little boys?

I'm also shocked at the mention of changing tables only being in the ladies... surely this situation is rare now? They were campaigning for changing facilities in the men's/neutral family friendly facilities 20 years ago!

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pistolknight · 02/09/2019 21:39

What on earth do you think she’s going to see from a man stood with his back to her using the urinal @Morgan12 they don’t all waggle their Penises at each other - she’d see a lot more if she goes swimming with him and has to change in the men’s or would you use the space that a disabled person actually needs there too? Selfish.

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MoltoAgitato · 02/09/2019 21:41

Men’s toilets. And if they’re not a fit place to take a child, perhaps some men could get off their over entitled arses and do something about it?

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codenameduchess · 02/09/2019 21:43

Most disabled loos are combined baby change, my DH usually takes DD into them when out and about if it's an unpleasant men's. If the men's is all cubicles (like at our local leisure centre) they go in there.

We never really discussed it, our town is pretty family friendly so baby change facilities are almost all unisex/combined with disabled loos which means it was never really an issue and DH just carried on going to the same toilets after potty training.

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ThereIsIron · 02/09/2019 21:43

He uses mens if available. There is no "disabled" toilet - it's perfectly fine. He can use the "accessible" toilet if neccessary.

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Zebrasinpyjamas · 02/09/2019 21:44

I think children under 8 go in the toilet that the responsible adult with them would use (but realistically they can go in alone before then). My ds can go in by himself at 6 but I tend to only let him go in alone in certain places/situations, eg where he's been there before or if he's with a friend who is also a boy.
It's definitely a harder decision for a man to take a DD into somewhere where there are urinals though.

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Aroundtheworldin80moves · 02/09/2019 21:46

Men's. Never ladies. Disabled at a push. Although I do think there needs to be more family toilets in shopping centres etc.

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Morgan12 · 02/09/2019 21:48

My swimming doesn't have seperate changing areas. Just cubicles.

Also most of the disabled toilets I've been to in my local area are actually combined with the baby changing facilities so I'd assume it's ok for my DH to use this whilst out with DD.

Also pretty sure disabled people aren't total arseholes who wouldn't understand the situation.

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Cliffdonville · 02/09/2019 21:51

I was at a trampoline park recently and walked into the Female toilets to find a man in there with his 2 daughters. He said don't mind me, I've got 2 girls here and I carried on but felt really uncomfortable. DH will take DD to an accessible toilet or the men's which I think is better!

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ChanklyBore · 02/09/2019 21:52

It would be reasonable to assume that a child of either sex with an involved father would have been going into the men’s toilet regularly pretty much from birth - no? Boys or girls, no one wants to use dirty facilities but they will all ask awkward questions sometimes in loos or changing rooms. My DH first encountered the question standing at the urinals with a newborn DD in a carrier

I don’t see any angst from men worried about their male DC going into women’s loos and seeing sanitaryware etc.

I was in the loos once with my DC when I heard another mother berating her young DC in a horrified manner “whatever possessed you to lick the wall in a TOILET” haha. Don’t think it mattered what sex anyone was there, that’s entirely unreasonable.

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