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Really upset little boy on the potty :'(
27

MrsMa82 · 09/04/2019 22:22

At the insistance of nursery (who kept telling me he was ready) I've taken time off work and started potty training my DS (2yrs 11mth). Absolute carnage. From the second he was nappy free hes been a ball of frustration and anger - he holds his wee to the point he's dancing in pain, then screams and cries if you show him the potty. TBH he now cries weeing in general - even if its on the floor - because hes not in a nappy. Ive never seen him so upset. Ive tried everything - bribery, distraction (tv/bubbles/games) apps, you tube videos, books, faking Elmo weeing on a potty, pretending to ignore him and letting him get on with it so he doesnt feel forced... Its now the end of day 3 and theres absolutely nothing to show for it apart from an upset child and cr*ppy feeling mum :-( My mum says I shouldnt give in cause my LO is always pushing boundaries and is extremely head strong, he doesnt like change, and that he just doesnt want to give in. Also says that if he can hold himself he knows that he can control himself, so ultimately hes ready. Nursery are totally adamant that he's ready (when hes there they let him sit on the potty in a bit of a social setting when some of the other kids do, but hes never done anything in it for them). So what am i doing wrong?! Honeslty dont think i can face another day of this :'(

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NCBabyBoy · 09/04/2019 22:24

I have absolutely no experience or advice, but that sounds horrible! I'd stop trying at home for now, maybe ask the nursery for advice?

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gamerchick · 09/04/2019 22:27

He's not ready OP. Put him back in nappies and wait a month or so. He'll get it eventually.

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DonnaDarko · 09/04/2019 22:28

At one point DS would only use the potty if I sat on the toilet at the same time. Could be worth a shot

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MyKingdomForBrie · 09/04/2019 22:29

Ignore them all and wait.

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Rumbletum2 · 09/04/2019 22:29

He’s tiny. He’s not ready. Chill out.

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Elzbells · 09/04/2019 22:30

I'm a childminder and I've potty trained tonnes of children.

He may be physically ready but he's not mentally ready, give it a break for a couple of months and try again.

Trying to potty train a child who already has negative associations around the potty is really hard and you could be creating more issues later by continuing now.

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joeyhanmum · 09/04/2019 22:30

Sounds horribly, feeling sorry for you both! Could you wait a while - if you have a garden, then it might be better outside - my DCs were potty trained in a warm spring and loved the novelty of having the potty outside for al fresco wees.

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cherryblossomgin · 09/04/2019 22:31

You know him better then the nursery. He copied the other kids but he was still wearing a nappy. Maybe put him back in nappies and forget about for a couple of months.

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WatcherintheRye · 09/04/2019 22:36

Why is nursery calling the shots? He's not ready. He's unhappy, you're unhappy. Put him back in nappies, tell nursery and your Mum that it is making him upset, and that you think it would be more constructive to try again in a few months time.

Stand your ground with them. There's absolutely no point in making potty training a battle. All 3 of my ds were over 3 before they were ready, and I really wish I hadn't been so stressed about it all at the time. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

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MrsMa82 · 09/04/2019 22:39

Its been heartbreaking for me to watch, and I feel horrible. I feel terrible for upsetting him so much, and at the same time I feel slightly ashamed because parents/nursery are going to judge me and make me feel even worse. Currently in tears about it all

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howrudeforme · 09/04/2019 22:44

Feel for you.

We had similar. In the end we just got a toilet seat booster and when he was ready (mentally) at just over 3, we went into lockdown over a bank holiday and he was fine.

Let it go for now and the nursery needs to be led by you. Mentally and physically are different (ds out of nighttime nappies by 12 months but couldn’t toilet train till over 3 years😕).

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SummerHouse · 09/04/2019 22:47

It's not that he isn't ready. He doesn't want to. I would personally stick a nappy back on and sit it out, have a potty around and forget the stress. You can lead a horse to water....... There is zero shame in this. Parenting high five to you. Don't listen to anything but your instincts and your DD. Flowers

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Whereisthegin1978 · 09/04/2019 22:52

My dd was similar to this - just slightly younger in age. So I stopped and put her back in nappies. About 2 months after turning 3 she just announced one day that she didn’t want a nappy on. She honestly had one accident and that was it - nappy free!

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Orlandointhewilderness · 09/04/2019 22:53

There is really no hurry - he isn't ready as i think you have realised. No good nursery would push this.

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Whereisthegin1978 · 09/04/2019 22:56

I also get the feeling of being ashamed. Everyone else seemed to have potty trained children and I felt a bit of a failure for not being able to get her out of a nappy. I must have spent hours worrying about it. Was more relaxed with my next 2 daughters and I ended up doing the same - waited for their lead. They were both nappy free by 3.5 years.

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AnnaNutherThing · 09/04/2019 22:56

Taking a break for a couple of months ( in other words this is only a few weeks!) Is a good idea.

No shame needed!

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TurquoiseLagoon · 09/04/2019 23:07

Aw look, you tried because you / nursery /granny thought he was ready. You were doing what you thought was best for him. So it turns out he's not ready. The best thing for him now is to hold on, stop potty training and let him continue with nappies. You've done nothing wrong, you've no need to feel ashamed. It's the people judging you who should feel ashamed! Have you taken tomorrow off work too? Have a lovely cuddly day with your DS, forget the potty and try again in 6 months time. Or don't, that's OK too. But please don't spend any more of your or DS time or tears on this. You're not doing anything wrong, it's just not the right time Flowers or maybe Gin

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AnnaNutherThing · 09/04/2019 23:11

One thing is to go and get him to choose a set of pants he wants. Then when you are ready for the next try they are there as a bit of a carrot if he uses the potty he can wear them, all the time making a big positive fuss of the pants if he keeps them dry. (No negative comment on the inevitable accidents, just have a few in reserve.)

Also if you have access to a garden it helps stress levels to have a go in better weather out there where he can runabout with no cleaning up worries. Taking the pressure of yourselves will help enormously.

I also agree with the toilet booster seat being preferred to a potty. Potty was handy in the garden and downstairs for a very short while.

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IncrediblySadToo · 09/04/2019 23:13

All you have done wrong is listen to other people rather than your DS. He’s clearly not ready. Put his nappy back on and enjoy the rest of your time off.

Tell nursery he is NOT ready and YOU will let them know when he is.

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Aria999 · 09/04/2019 23:14

Wait till he feels like it's his idea.

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jaynelovesagathachristie · 10/04/2019 00:06

Agree with others he is not ready. My son was 3.5 2 days totally toilet trained. My 2.5 year old is in process still a year difference as he's ready

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MrsMa82 · 10/04/2019 09:30

Thank you everyone for being so supportive. I couldnt take today off work, but DH is off with LO (gutted im not there with them!). He's back in nappies now. He was a bit upset this morning when he realised he needed a wee - was dancing about and crying. Asked if he wanted to sit on his potty - definate no. He calmed down once he was reassured his nappy was on, and seems back to normal now :-) xxx

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bristollady · 18/04/2019 19:31

I wanted to send you a big Flowers because I really feel for you and I know exactly how you feel as my 2.5 year old girl has been doing the same thing.

We started because she had shown a few signs and we thought she was ready, and also she is due to start a nursery soon who said she had to be trained, so we cracked on. She did everything your little one is doing. We took a break for a few weeks and then tried again and had some success but was like 2 steps forward and then 5 steps back and she began crying and resisting potty again. I keep thinking we should stop but then I’m worried about what message that sends as we have already stopped and started once before. Feeling really guilty about it all!

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bristollady · 24/04/2019 20:11

Update for you: it’s going better! She’s started going on the potty when prompted. Wees and poos! (But only when we sit her on it). She also tells us when she wants to go sometimes. She doesn’t seem as anxious about it anymore. Not 100% there yet but progressing. How did you get on?

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MrsMa82 · 24/04/2019 22:51

we totally backed off, put pull ups back on and had a nice day post-potty training. however, just to make me look like a neurotic pathetic mum, the day after our nice day he went into nursery in a pull up. After i'd gone he asked his key worker to take it off 'cause he wanted big boy pants on' and used the potty all day!!!!!! Shock His teacher must have thought i was such a total idiot giving her this big sob story about how terrified he was. However, they think what did it for him in the end was watching the other kids doing it and copying them. its been 2 weeks now and he tells me when he wants the toilet, and now has barely any accidents x

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